A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I do not know if I really need advice this might just be me overreacting. I am 19.I hate unfulfilled promises, but I have gotten so used to disappointments. Growing up, I was told to put everyone in my family first before me, but no one seems to put me first or care about my happiness. I wonder what's the point of making promises that can't be kept?I noticed I'm more happy when I'm in school than at home, where I am mostly moody and withdrawn. When I'm home, I'm in indoors at all times, not by choice but mainly because I am not allowed to go out or visit. (I happen to be on holiday now). I am not allowed financial or personal freedom. I am not allowed to visit or be visited. In school I am bullied for not being strong enough to handle life's challenges. I study hard to keep from failing. Am I wrong to want to be a normal hard-working adult?
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (4 March 2015):
 I am not sure if being young, smallest and moody are reasons for bullying. Maybe your friends are the giggly cool type who enjoy having fun and they look down on families who are overly protective because they associate families like that as outcasts. They feel you are dragging them down with your at home issues. You have a dream of rising above bullying and discrimination by being successful but your family is not on your side. Your parents may be too busy or do not have the skills to talk to you about feelings. However they can't keep you forever. You may want to talk to them about your future. I am not sure what unfulfilled promises are but I guess it's about career dreams or even just going out socializing. Some families expect the youngest daughter to sacrifice everything, stay home and serve the parents. I hope they are not that kind.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am 19 and a student. I get bullied and mocked by people I study with who I used to think were my friends. I happen to be The youngest and smallest in my class.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2015): Explain the bullying outside your home. Where, who, and why?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you both for taking time to reply my question. I like that you saw my anger and resentment in the little I wrote.
But what about the bullying I face outside my home?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2015): Through education and careers; women are finding their own power and independence. No longer are they dependent on men to care for them; however, society and traditions make demands on women that are sometimes slow to change. You've got the right idea, but maybe the wrong attitude.
Teenagers go through hormonal changes and their minds are developing at full-speed by the time you reach adolescence.
Your cultural/family traditions may be restrictive; but they can't keep you from forming your own opinions and choosing how you wish to live your life.
I said you have the wrong attitude; because you're becoming bitter and pessimistic. Yes, life has disappointments; but no one lives an entire lifetime of disappointment. If they do, they are primarily the cause. Having a defeatist and/or cynical-attitude works against your success and happiness.
You'll outgrow your moodiness, you'll overcome the restrictions placed on you by backward-thinking; and I truly believe you are committed to overcoming everything and anyone holding you back. Stay positive, continue getting your education. I truly believe you will be successful someday, and realize what seems like your prison now, is what actually motivated and freed you.
In spite of how they annoy you, give your family all the love you can.
The world outside can be pretty cruel when you're not prepared for it; so they over-protect you with love. Male-oriented societies do not respect or endorse the equality of women. Old-world thinkers in your community will go out of their way to enforce their backward opinions; and are likely to say things that upset your parents, if they see you out and about alone. If you live in a small-town or village; people have too much to say about you and your family, or your business. So you're just being spared dealing with all that just for the time being. Kept out of reach of sleazy guys and all. You're becoming a woman, and men will notice you. That's what your parents fear the most. Your innocence and inexperience makes you very vulnerable.
So you may not get to move about unchaperoned according to the wishes of your parents for now. They can't keep you a child forever. Someday you'll see the wisdom in my words.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (2 March 2015):
So I believe in your countries, there are many ladies who keep up with the outside world and they strive for equality status with men. It's just your family is traditional and don't want you to enjoy this freedom. Although on the surface women are competitive in the workforce; in some US cities there are higher college attendance by women, in many countries boys are still favored over girls.
Maybe if you defied your parents' will and live independently you would be disowned. If you married a man and divorce later you would have no one to fall back on for support.
I did not have your background so it's impossible to give you advice. Maybe one thing you can do is understand why your family is the way it is. They are thinking they are loving you by protecting you from the corrupt outside world. Not just corrupt politics but men who just want to use you for sex. They probably want to pick a man for you too, one who is good in character. If you see no way out of this I would suggest embracing that's the way of life you have. Enjoy the little nuance of simple, daily life of house keeping and quite nature. I do hope you get married to a good husband and you love each other. So you would see that not having to work as a priviledge and not a oppression on your freedom.
How does the other side of the world look like where women work in corporate? Men do feel intimidated and emasculated if the women earn more. There is little harmony at the home because of stress from work. Some women forget about their femininity and became just like men. They are lucky if men come home and do the cleaning but a lot of the times women work full time then do house work. This caused tension and resentment in the unbalanced work load. A lot of women secretly hoped to retreat into simpler lives where their only worries are what to cook for dinner. Divorce rate is much higher. Single parent household is like one third. Family unit is crumbling. Everything has pros and cons. Love your family and be self sufficient when it comes to your happiness.
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