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female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes: Dear aunts and uncles,I'm only 21 and have been in one relationship which I'm currently in so I don't have much knowledge. My boyfriend's penis looks nothing like the ones I saw in porn.It isn't straight...it kinda twists a bit. Plainly put, it doesn't look as aesthetically pleasing like the men in porn. He has a great body and arms and everything but he's very different looking down there. I'm not complaining because he can get the job done but it bothers me because I think he's been masturbating even after we became physically intimate.I mean, I stopped watching porn n pleasuring myself out of respect for our relationship.I still masturbate but I replaced the porn with images of my bf in mind. I haven't spoken to him about it but are men so different from us that they still masturbate to pornstars even when they are in a loving,sexual relationship?And am I wrong to want him to stop looking at other women naked online?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2017): Tylersage , supporting an industry that degrades women and treats them like objects is not a 'hobby'
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (7 November 2017):
 This is something that you need to talk to him about. It is pretty normal for guys that age to look at porn weather they are in a relationship or not. If you personally find it disrespectful then you should tell him that. As for the shape off his penis there is nothing wrong with it being bent, in fact most men's are bent. The porn industry is big and what you see on there is not what most men or women look like in real life.
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A
male
reader, TylerSage  +, writes (7 November 2017):
 Penises come in all shapes and sizes. You have to realise that porn is a media industry. Just like in the soaps, the producers gather the most aesthetically please people...according to society and cast them as the stars. It's unlikely you'll see curved penises, acne, scars, people without muscles or big breast etc. doing porn. It's an illusion, don't compare the two.
As for your boyfriend watching porn, that's pretty normal for men. You see, with guys its not about an emotional attached so much during sex, it's just the physical pleasure we get from organising that we enjoy. It's not about having you there to please him every single time he wants to go off. It's like feeling for coffee vs tea. It's not that he doesn't like coffee, but sometimes he likes the flavour or tea. As long as he doesn't watch porn too much shouldn't be much a problem. Think of it as his hobby.
All the best.
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A
female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (6 November 2017):
 There is absolutely nothing wrong with your bf's penis.
Just because your bf's penis is curved doesn't mean there's something wrong with his body and that this will affect his sexual performance.
You have no experience with men, so your concerns are legitimately founded.
You should do your own research on the topic and you must also be aware that in the "real world" no human body is ever perfect.
When young, we all think we're immortal, perfection is of paramount importance and we're primarily physically driven, but as we age and mature mentally, all these priorities shift and for the better.
When you watch porn, most of what you're looking at is FAKE on one level or another.
None of the people, both men/women that you're looking at are perfect, however, their bodies are actually "made up" with special makeup, professional lighting, proper angles during filming and other things to look perfect, not to mention that male/female genitalia in porn movies may have been operated on prior, to enhance their appearance on camera.
Many men in porn have surgery to lengthen their penis and many women have their vaginas tailor designed to the woman's liking or to the surgeons better judgement.
Now, in reference to your bf masturbating to porn online, well, he's a young guy and this is very normal at his age, but even if he were older/much older, that'd be normal too.
So long as your bf isn't masturbating every single day and cannot please you physically and so long as he doesn't have sex with another woman, there is no serious issue.
The issue i guess, is how YOU LOOK AT THINGS AND VIEW THEM.
If your bf happens to look at porn on occasion to find his sexual and stress release, then allow him that space to do that and don't worry unnecessarily.
Look at it like this, you too masturbate and it feels good for you, so he too has the right to do that with his body.
His looking at porn is more of a male biologically driven thing to do and has nothing to do with him not loving you or wanting you sexually.
Men, are primarily "visual" creatures.
If/when he wants to share himself with you, he will and if you both care about each other and love each other, then you won't have to beg, nor ask, it'll just happen when the timing is right for you both.
There are no hard nor fast rules regarding sex.
When things feel right between you both, one thing will lead to another and neither of you needs to make demands or place pressure and guilt upon each other.
One of the key reasons that men can't perform properly is when they're being pressured or when they feel pressured to perform.
Finally, do not ever tell your partner that you find his penis somewhat unusual, because this will seriously turn him off and could potentially damage your sex life together snd yes, permanently.
Just as you are not perfect, he isn't either, but again, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
For example: You may find his penis unusual, but another woman may not.
Check out this article below and your questions/concerns will be answered.
http://www.redorbit.com/news/health/1113366642/why-do-penises-curve-040715/
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2017): Nope you are not wrong to want him to stop looking at porn. I don't believe that men in committed relationships should look at porn, and I refuse to put up with it. I have this talk at the start of every relationship. It is highly disrespectful and just teaches men to objectify women anyway. I would talk to him and explain that you expect him not to look at it now that you are committed. You can't really ensure he has stopped though, so you'll have to try to trust him.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (6 November 2017):
 Well that's new! A woman complaining that her guy doesn't look like a porn star. These complains are usually the woman complaining that her boyfriend must be comparing her to a porn star.
So your whole body of evidence for your claim that he is masturbating to porn is the shape of his penis? Lets just assume that in some way you are right, that his penis has been injured by masturbation (which would be very hard to do). Do you think it would heal the day after he stopped? Would it heal if he stopped watching porn but continued to masturbate to mental images of you?
Usually it takes quite a long time to return to it's natural shape (it is possible, even likely, that this is it's natural shape).
Let me share my very personal experience, to help you get through this. I'm diabetic Type about 15 years. Due to the vascular (blood vessel) damage caused by high blood sugar over years, I have erectile dysfunction. What is currently helping me maintain an erection is a ring. The ring restricts the blood flow out of the penis keeping the erection longer. Well several months ago, I developed a noticeable upward bend in my penis. I think the ring may have had something to do with it, but it could have been due to a sexual incident putting unusual strain on the member. My Wife was not happy, it didn't (as you say) get the job done for her. It has recently returned to it's previous straight out form, but it took 2-3 months. Fortunately it didn't require surgery.
Now to your real question. Boundaries in a relationship should be discussed and agreed upon between both of you. One partner should not be brow beaten in to accepting a restriction that they do not like. In other words he should restrict his v=behavior out of his respect for the relationship, and not out of his fear of you. Porn is addictive, and even if he agrees to that boundary, he may have difficulty keeping it.
And last but not least, if you do tell him that you find his penis unattractive, you may very quickly lose the privilege of access to it. The most common response to that would be immediate situational erectile dysfunction. I'm not saying you have no right to feel however you feel about it, or say whatever you want to say, I'm really suggesting that your image of the ideal male equipment may have been somewhat warped (pun intended) by your porn watching.
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