A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I’m happily married for 27 years with 2 grown up children. My husband and I spent lot of time together, and we go on vacation at least once every year. About three years ago, I went on a little vacation with my girl friend and stayed at my girl friend’s friend place. I became a very good friend with my girl friend’s friend. We kept in touch after I got back to my home town. The last two years, my husband and I went on vacation and had to stop by the city where my good friend lives, so I stayed behind after our vacation to visit her for a few days, my husband couldn’t stay because he had to get back to work. Although he didn’t say, but I can sense that he didn’t like me staying behind and spent time with my girl friend. Maybe I was just being sensitive.Few days ago, I was thinking of going to visit my girl friend in June, so I told my husband about my plan, his first reply was “sure, go ahead, I cannot stop you from going since this is something cannot avoid”. I was puzzled by his reply, so I asked him if he is trying to tell me something. He was resented about me going to visit my girl friend every year, he’s suspecting that I’m doing something bad behind his back or having an affair, because he’s never met this friend of mine, who this person is, I never introduce her to him nor show him her picture, etc. Also, he said that every time when I was on computer, when he was standing behind me or walk pass by me, I always flip the page and appears that I’m trying to hide something from him; and also he said that every time after I came back from visiting my friend, few days later I was always in a bad mood . I explained to him that’s just my mood swing as I am going through menopause. We got into a very heated argument about this whole “trust” issue. I’m very hurt and mad, I feel that after 27 years of marriage, he doesn’t trust me and suspect that I’m doing something bad behind his back. I spent my past 20 some years caring for the family, now that the children are grown up, they do their own things, and I thought that I deserve to have some time for myself to do things with girl friends, I believe that every couple should have time for themselves and that will do good for the marriage. Am I wrong for spending time with my girlfriend without my husband ? How should I handle this whole ‘trust’ issue ? Should I still go ahead with my plan to visit my girl friend ?
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female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (17 April 2009):
I think if you have been secretive then it's no wonder he's going to be a little nervous.
He sees you as a beautiful woman who will be very desirable to any man you meet.
So carry on seeing your friend but include him. Talk to him about what she's getting up to, show him photos, have her come and visit you so he can meet her too.
Good Luck!! xx
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2009): No, you are not wrong at all by wanting to spend time with friends. However from what you've written it seems as though you are being a lil bit secretive. Let him meet her, nothing wrong with that is there? If there is a problem, then what is it and why? From a man's point of view "a friend" is usually a warning sign of bad things to come (cheating) that's most likely why he's skeptical. So, in my opinion I say let him meet her or at least talk to her on the phone...ease his mind.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2009): try introducing you husband to your friend, show him pics, ect... then you can see if his attitude changes.
-Am I wrong for spending time with my girlfriend without my husband ? no your not wrong from wanting to spend time with friends without your husband
-Should I still go ahead with my plan to visit my girl friend ? if your husband cant go is there any chance your friend can visit you so they can meet
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