A
male
age
30-35,
*illiamJConn
writes:Hello everyone,I find it funny that most of the people on this site who answer questions often times have some problems of their own - and since I've commented on a few people's stories myself, I felt it was fair that I shared my own.It would suffice to say that I fell in love with a girl within the few weeks that I knew her - our relationship lasting a month and a half at most. I wish I could say that I didn't know what love felt like and that I only thought I loved this girl, but I know I'd be lying. I was truly and deeply in love with her, but I did not realize it until it was too late.We had a unceasingly rocky relationship from beginning to end, as we were both dominant personalities and did not hail to the other - butting heads on several occasions about several things and never wavering in our arguments. As I was more often times passive - simply because I like debate INSTEAD OF straight argument - I felt like I was always at a loss with this girl. The various flowers I bought her, gifts I put together, and - ultimately - the puppy I bought for us weren't steps forward in the relationship as I always seemingly started already behind.Ironically enough, as much as she claimed we "weren't in an actual relationship" - plainly stating that we weren't boyfriend and girlfriend - we acted the part and often times let slip that we were. To caveat on the idea is the fact that we broke up several times in this relationship, even though it really wasn't one...eventually getting back together.The problem came, however, the night before she left out of town. She was already mad at me for some reason or another, but I wanted to see her before she left. So, she told me where she was, and I drove to go find her. The day progessed slowly, but eventually I won her back over and everything seemed fine. However, as soon as we parted company, she texted me saying that we couldn't be together any longer and that she didn't need a ride to or from the airport any more - as I was the first one she asked to do it for her.Acknowledging this, while fairly upset, the next day I set up a date with a girl I have known since high school and ultimately ended up having sex with her multiple times that day. Before you get the wrong idea, I told her that I still had feelings for this other girl - the one that had left town - and she was o-kay with that. As it turns out, I was not.The idea ripped at me for some time, and when my girlfriend returned from her trip, I did my best to get her back and succeeded. My last two days home were spent in her arms and they were the best we had together.When I left the next day, though, we fell out. She felt something was wrong with how far away we were, and started to say that I could start a different relationship with another girl and that she would understand if I did. I told her that she was the one I wanted and she mocked me, ultimately leading to another fight. This time, I told her that we shouldn't talk to each other any more and that I had been with the other girl while she was away. She got angry, told me to swallow a razorblade, and started ignoring me.At first, I thought I had won, but as time progressed I regressed. I became more and more depressed to the point of suicide, and even more so that she wouldn't acknowledge any of my apologies. It seemed everything I tried she just ignored, even though I knew she was hurt and angry at me. I pleaded for her to listen to me; to let me explain, but she wasn't hearing it. She called me a cheater, and I told her that I hadn't cheated on her because we weren't in an actual relationship...and, even if we had been, she had broken up with me before I did.She called me ignorant and started ignoring me again. Months passed as I lay day after day depressed that I could still feel her and see her with everything I did. Eventually, I accepted that this was what it was, but that didn't stop me from feeling so strongly for her.I tried contacting her, as I felt it was my duty to apologize at the very least, and finally, after about 4 months, I called her and apologized. She said that I was forgiven and that it was all right if we spoke again, but that didn't happen.I got the feeling that she still didn't trust me, nor that she even wanted to speak to me anymore - except for times I told her that I absolutely needed her. This, of course, made me angry, and, about a week ago, I finally took a stand for myself and sent her a message saying how horrible of a person she was - which, as I reflect on it now, wasn't the nicest thing to do but it made me feel better. I just couldn't couldn't get over the idea that I had sacrificed almost everything in my life for her, and then almost sacrificed my actual life for her...and she still felt I was the problem - and that she had no faults whatsoever.I guess the questions I'm ultimately asking are: Am I wrong for disliking her? Did I actually cheat on her as she claimed?Secondly, I know I will love this girl until the day that I die. There is no doubt in my mind that I will ever forget her. I want her back, and to say that I didn't would by lying. How do you guys suppose I could accomplish getting her back? Or, why shouldn't I try to get back with her?Any of your input is valuable and appreciated.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2010): Really? WAY too much drama but then again you are what 18. There will be many that come and go but I can tell you that love isn't that hard. In a good relationship there isn't any of this drama.
Move on...not worth it unless you get off on the drama. Each to their own.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2010): first of all, NO relationship is worth getting suicidal over.
I think you need to sort some things out within yourself. You are putting way too much stock in this one person or relationship. That is not healthy. Your world is bigger than just this one girl.
Think of this as being on a relationship break. Get out there and meet new people. Take some time to be see yourself without also seeing her in the picture.
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