A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of 5 years and I have been having a hard time recently. Basically, I have caught him out in a couple of lies (things I wouldn't care about him doing, but I do care that he lied/hid them from me) and I'm struggling to trust the things he says as I don't know what else he lies about. However, I am finding that he is very immature in the way he deals with these things. For example, he blames my friend who told me what he was up to for all of this, and he is refusing to talk to her now. As it happens, she didn't realise that I didn't know what he was doing, it just came up in conversation. But he thinks she has been stirring things between us.He's also made excuses for his lies and said he only didn't tell me because he thought I wouldn't like it. He admits he was wrong but keeps coming back to the 'but I've explained why I did it' lie over and over.I just feel as though he is blaming everyone else for his problems instead of taking any responsibility for his actions. He's also talking a lot about how I should trust him after 5 years together, and either 'forgive him or don't'. But I feel it's not as easy as that and I need some more effort from him to prove he is now being honest and attempting to rebuild the trust I've lost in him.He often has problems seeing things from other people's point of view, and I sometimes feel he's too emotionally immature for a 27 year old man. Has anyone else been in a similar situation, and if so how did it end? Am I wasting my time waiting for him to grow up?
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (27 December 2014):
 Pepee has this one right! The dude is as the song goes "forever young" If he's worth the effort though, it's not beyond reason that he can evolve into a thinking person if given the proper guidelines. He missed the "everything I ever needed to know in life...I learned in the third grade" primer in elementary school.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2014): I hate to say it but if he hasn't made the effort to change he won't, when it comes to people you can't change them they have to want to change and with what you are saying it doesn't look as if he really wants to, and to do so it takes time and effort. He hasn't given you any reason to forgive him or rebuild that broken trust and as time goes on I can guarantee its only going to get worse. Only you can know what to do in your situation and I believe you do judging by what you have wrote. I can only tell you what I would do in that situation and that would be walk away and find some one worthy of your time, some one who is grown up enough to have a relationship, because with blame shifting and not talking to you're friend, he's behaving like a child
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