A
female
age
36-40,
*earimgoingtoloosehim
writes:me and my husband have been together for 5 years. lately he acts like I am not even here. i feel like he does care about me anymore. i love this man with all of my heart and i dont want to ever lose him. he doesnt seem interested in me in the bedroom anymore. he would rather look at porn than go to bed with me. now i think that i am unattractive woman. i always feel like he is hiding something,sneeking around to look at other girls online and mags. im i just being a b****, or am i right to think these things. please help me it is driving me insane thank you for taking time to read this god bless you.
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female
reader, fearimgoingtoloosehim +, writes (26 February 2008):
fearimgoingtoloosehim is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank for all the great advice you all are wonderful people
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (26 February 2008):
 You may have to communicate to him your problems and let him know how you feel. Talk to him frankly and see what is his problems , ED, stress, fear or whatever that caused him to lose his libido.
The problem seems to lie on his side.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2008): I suppose this could be something to do with the miscarriages - he'll have been upset too, whether he actually wanted kids or not. Have you talked about it? It'll be hard, but once you're in the conversation then things could lighten up. Also, he could just be feeling stressed at the moment, maybe with work or studies, so he could be tired or just not in the mood. Again, good luck :]
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A
female
reader, fearimgoingtoloosehim +, writes (26 February 2008):
fearimgoingtoloosehim is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you all for the advice!!! its not the fact that he looks at the porn, i dont have a problem with it, i just dont understand why he cant look at it with me, instead of being secretive about it. when i try to get involved with him he shuts me down some how or another("I'm tired") just tonight i went to bed wearing sexy stuff and started to get him going and he would rather go to sleep than have sex with me. it could have something to do with the fact that i am ready to have kids. now, he says that he is to but i dont think that he wants them right now. maybe that is why he is avoiding having sex with me. we had a misscarriage about a year and a half ago, do you think he is scared to get me pregnant for fear that it might happen again? I am so worried that i am not satisfing my man.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (26 February 2008):
Many women cannot understand why men want to watch porn. It cannot be explained by women's logic. It has something to do with his testosterone and maleness.
You are a normal woman and you have the right to feel that way.
You have three options
1. you convince your husband to quit.
2. you tolerate him as he is.
3. you leave him.
You can read more here ;-
http://web4health.info/en/answers/sex-porn-men.htm
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2008): There is nothing wrong with you, but there could be something very serious happening to your husband...porn addiction. His actions and behavior sound very familiar. Go to npsupport.net for support from the ladies there and read the recovering addicts section to see if this sounds like your husband. If this is what's going on, you will have to stop it a.s.a.p. it will not get better on it's own. Good luck to you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2008): I think you are answering your own questions: You both have obviously let things slide into a state of boredom in the bedroom dept. & he needs sexual relief in some way. Obviously, he is not getting it from you. I imagine, from what you say, that your sexual needs aren't as strong as his. So, a slight mismatch here which can easily be sorted by you being a little more adventurous. Be subtle and understand what things might turn him on. Try taking a leading role in bed, be a slightly dominant force, just test the water here. Pay attention to your appearance and personal hygiene (no offence intended)but be assured, from a male point of view, sexiness is far more attractive than looks! Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2008): Yes honey, you're right to be thinking these things! From what you've described, he's really not being very kind to your feelings and emmotions. It makes me wonder if he even considers your feelings when he watches porn..
You know, when people write on here about how they don't mind porn and stuff, I don't understand it.. I don't want to go off on a one and start bringing my view into it, but I just hate the thought of my partner watching porn.. I just think its disrespectful.
And I mean, this isn't fair on you. You're young, you'll be in good shape, it's hard to believe that you could 'bore' him in a sense. But why don't you entice him back to the bedroom, with maybe some sexy lingerie or a new sex toy? It all might sound a bit daunting at first (I know how it feels) but it'll be easier once you've stepped into that sexy shop, either on your own or with him (he could come along and help pick what might turn him on) and then you'll soon be full of confidence, really honey. I know that it's easy to say, and difficult for you to actually do, but I really believe you should talk to him. Just casually though. Just say to him, ''you're really making me feel unwanted these days in the bedroom, is everything alright?'' or just generally tell him your feelings in a subtle way. He probably just thinks he's being Mr Clever and that you haven't noticed anything has changed. So make sure you let him know your feelings :] he is your husband after all. And when he said those words to you on your wedding day, he meant them, and he shouldn't be letting you down now.
Really good luck with everything :]
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