A
female
age
30-35,
*azell
writes:Hello,I am trying to understand if i am the one who is being overly sensitive or if my boyfriend is not being understanding with me.My boyfriend and I are doing long distance relationship, due to school,we get along very well,and we love each other.But we have come to an impasse,november last year he went to a party and took pics with a girl on his lap(who he used to fool around with),another one on the couch pretending to be sleeping and they were on facebook.I was very upset and we talked about it and he apologized.I told him it was disrespectful to him,to me,and to the relationship. Few days ago he went to another party and took almost the same pictures but this time,they were 3 girls,and he thinks since those girls didn't have any history with him,and no one is naked,or anything out of the ordinary,i should be okay with those pictures. He knows i am not controlling,and i don't mind him hanging out with girls,and we even comment on girls,i am not really the jealous type,but for some reason those kind of pictures for me are not okay,and they portray lack of seriousness in my opinion.He said, it feels like i am taking his freedom away,and now he doesn't know how to take pictures with girls. Honestly, i am being a bad girlfriend?For me it sounds pretty simple,i go out all the time,and most of my friends are guys,however that kind of things doesn't happen. Please let me know. Thanks
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2012): Hi again Hazell,
I didn't realise they were sitting on his lap to take the pictures. Him saying he "doesn't know how to say NO" - it's easy, he just says: "I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND, sorry". It's that easy.
Otherwise, one day one of them will kiss him, and he will say: "Oh, I didn't know how to say NO". It's almost the same thing. There are boundaries that must be set, if you are in a relationship.
He either respects you, and the relationship, or he stays single so he can have anybody who wants to sit on his lap, doing so without him "hurting their feelings, or feeling his freedom is restricted".
If he loves you, he should consider your feelings. You have said you are not happy with it (I would not be either) so don't settle for what makes you unhappy. He will mature one day and realise this was wrong.
Good Luck!
xxxx E
A
female
reader, hazell +, writes (6 March 2012):
hazell is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBluebelleyes thank you so much for your input.I told him to think about our conversation and get back to me.But Last night he has told me that he doesn't think he will understand but he will try.
For the anonymous reader,thank you for your input as well.The thing is though,him to hide those pictures wouldn't solve anything,at least for me,because i just don't want them to be taken. I think he is being insensitive towards my feelings, especially since i really never have any problem with female friends. But he said that he doesnt know how to say No to a girl who just wants to take a picture of him sitting on his lap.
Thank you girls
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2012): I agree with Bluebelleyes...
Also as a last resort, don't view the photos! If you totally trust him and are giving him his freedom to go to these parties, then it's best not to see the various photos of him enjoying himself with other girls, when you wish it was you, his GIRLFRIEND being there with him.
So if you are viewing them on Facebook, I would end that. Be his girlfriend and be in touch in other ways, but not through social networking where you feel the way you do.
You are not being overly sensitive, you have reason to be unhappy with the situation. At least in the past when you spoke about it he apologised, and he made sure it wasn't with an ex. Now he realises it's not "who" he is with, it's that you feel he doesn't take the relationship seriously if he posts those kind of photos with other girls.
You're not being a bad girlfriend. He has his freedom going to the parties, he needs to respect he is in a relationship, and consider your feelings too.
Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, bluebelleyes  +, writes (6 March 2012):
I think the part to look at here isn't so much the morality of the photos; although I agree with you; I wouldn't be okay with my boyfriend in that situation either; but what's important is that you've told him the way it makes you feel, and the way you perceive it and how you feel others may perceive it, and he hasn't changed. That shows that he's putting his 'freedom' above your feelings. Try asking him if he could do you a favour, of respecting your perception of those photos; whether he agrees with it or not; if he respects you, he'll do it. Even if he doesn't agree. Let him know that you trust him, and that letting him go to parties alone is you giving him freedom, but posting photos like that isn't okay with you.
It's good that you have morals, :) don't give them up !
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