A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Help I am having self esteem issues now.A couple of weeks back I got a hold of my boyfriends Facebook messages (we made an agreement that we would delete both of ours months ago).Anyway, when I read the messages I saw things that were sweet that he said to some girls he was messaging that he had never said to me. I go along the day like it doesn't bother me but he doesn't want me crying because I'm a grown ass woman and not a crybaby, but everybody cries right. I just feel like I'm not pretty enough for him, I just want him to say that I'm the most beautiful girl in his life.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2013): firstly u just said he lied to you,(lying/omitting facts and hiding things kills trust and why do it if he has nothing to hide????) secondly that must mean they are current messages right?my opinion is the guy's a player and an ass who doesn't deserve you. Sounds like you're only his girl til he finds someone he wants more (obviously the girls he's messaging won't go out with him)Men like this are immature and have no respect for women at all, they look at women as objects simply there for thier own needs. Every average person knows thier are people both uglier and more beautiful than them but if someone loves us, in their eye's we are the most beautiful person ever and they won't constanty make us feel bad cos they want us to be happy and feel good
A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (24 February 2013):
 If the messages started while u were dating id be concerned about him playing the field a bit. Id be upset too doll.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2013): What did he say? Was he complimenting other girls on their looks?
If he's dating you, he should save his compliments for you. He sounds very immature. It doesn't make you a "baby" to be pissed/hurt by that. He's the baby for being so callous of your feelings.
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A
female
reader, Pr3tty_in_pink86  +, writes (23 February 2013):
"You ARE beautiful to him, just not his "ideal". He loves you for who you are, and decided to overlook the fact you aren't what he normally prefers in the looks department. I would also like to add that it doesn't mean he thinks you're ugly or undesirable."
Even though this may seem like good advice, I am guessing if the poster is similar to me it will go over their head. I HAD to dump my last boyfriend because I wasn't his ideal. I can totally see where the OP is coming from I would love to be someone's ideal partner looks wise.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2013): I have 2 theories for why he said those things to them, and not you. 1: Back when he was messaging those girls, he was only looking to hook up. He said whatever nice things he thought they wanted to hear, so he could get in their pants. You would be surprised at the number of girls who will "put out" when guys throw some sweet talk their way. 2: You ARE beautiful to him, just not his "ideal". He loves you for who you are, and decided to overlook the fact you aren't what he normally prefers in the looks department. I would also like to add that it doesn't mean he thinks you're ugly or undesirable. If theory 2 is the case here, and it REALLY bothers you, then you might want to rethink being in this relationship. While it may be a good relationship otherwise, you'll never get past the fact he thinks other girls are more beautiful. And it will torture you. There will be plenty of other guys out there who will find YOU ideal. Different people have different tastes. What one guy finds average, another will find the most beautiful girl in the world.
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A
female
reader, biba  +, writes (23 February 2013):
snooping is not ok for sure, stop reading his messagesif he's with you, he wants you to be his girl, not some other beautiful girlhave some self esteem, and don't let him see you like this. no one respects someone who doesn't respect himself.best of luck
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A
female
reader, Pr3tty_in_pink86 +, writes (23 February 2013):
The same thing has happened to me, one of my exes would say things to other people and not me, if it bothers you that much dump them and get someone who appreciates you more. My last ex appreciated other people more than me physically aswell. My plan is to just keep going along til someone says those things to me, perhaps you should do that too.
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