A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hello. I have been dating a guy for about a year and we agreed that we would be exclusive. I have many male friends who I've known for 10+ years. And, he has many female friends who he has known for a very long time. We are both fine with this. However, a few months ago when we were out, he ran into a girl who he used to work with years ago (like 8 years)...he had not seen or talked to her since then. Well, now they talk on the phone and text each other all the time. He and I went on a trip to NYC and it was our first time going away together. He called her!!! I was mad but didn't say anything. Last night he called me and told me that she had asked him to go out to a bar to see a band. She knows about me...I've met her a couple of times.The sad thing is that he doesn't even know her last name!!! Yet, he refers to her as a good friend! I just want to know if I'm being stupid by being mad or jealous. I don't want to be a hypocrite....like I said before, I do hang out with my guy friends. And he hangs out with his friends who are girls. But the situation with this girl seems different. Help!!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2009): Well I don't think a bar is an appropriate place to meet alone with another woman.
And I don't think committed people should feel the need to seek companionship from others by talking on the phone and texting all the time.
Hanging out is fine, but it shouldn't be too exccesively.
So to answer your quesiton, no, you're not being stupid. It soudns like you ahve a pretty good head on you shoulders and woulnd't be jealous if there wasn't a good reason.
This girl needs to back off as well! If i were you, I'd have a talk with HER as well.
How would your bf feel if the situation were reversed? Ask him, and if you think he is lyeing to make himself lookbetter, put it into action. I dont usually support doing somethign like this, but there's no harm in just beginning to text a lot with one of your guy friends and talking to him on the phone. I would tell the friend what you're trying to accomplish by doing this, and see if you can't get a reaction out of him. Somtimes, we can't really see how somethign feels, or how wrong it is, until be are put in the situation ourselves.
~SY.
A
female
reader, StaceyAnnalisa  +, writes (13 June 2009):
I think the best thing you can do in this situation is to talk over your feelings with your boyfriend. True there is nothing wrong with having friends of the opposite sex while you are in a relationship, but if you feel like your relationship with your boyfriend is being put under pressure because of his friend then you need to tell your boyfriend that. I would go about this in a very non threatening way, and make it clear that you are not trying to come between your boyfriend and his friend, but you feel a little uneasy about the situation and need reassurance, or some kind of compromise that makes all of you happy. It's very easy to become jealous of your partner's friends, but try not to let it consume you; if you feel uneasy, get it out in the open right now, and if your boyfriend really cares about you he will listen to your feelings and do what he can to put you at ease.
Hope that helps :)
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