A
male
age
,
*Gempty
writes:Am I selfish if I do not tell my wife that I do not love her in fear she will break up the family? We have tried several times to work things out, she is a great mom and person but she is not someone I want to grow old with once the kids are gone. I am committed to the kids, my vows and stuff but not my wife, i feel trapped. I am happy with with everything in my life accept my heart. Do I forget my heart and keep my family? The problem is, it is eating at me day after day, that I am in a loveless marriage, what should i do?
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female
reader, stina +, writes (2 July 2007):
 Are you selfish not to tell your wife? Personally, I think so. Why should she be stuck married to a guy who doesn't love her? And why should you be stuck with someone who obviously isn't making you happy?
Let's look at what your main concern is here: the children. If they are raised in an unloving environment, do you think it would be better than being raised with their two parents seperated? What sounds better - being raised in a loveless house or being raised in two houses filled with love? Once you and your wife move on, you'll find people that you really want to be with. These positive feelings will be seen and felt by your children. Even if your current wife and you do not argue constantly and are just "comfortable" around each other, don't you think this would at some point have some kind of negative impact on your kids? Have you discussed this with a professional before? If not, perhaps you'd want to consider it.
You said "do I forget my heart and keep my family?" No, you do not forget your heart - you move on AND keep your family. If you're worried about it from a legal standpoint (how often would you see your children, etc.) then you should consult a lawyer.
Listen, a lot of people go through divorce. And a lot of people still have their family. If you and your wife have tried to work things out, then it's apparent to me that she still cares about you at least a little bit. Do you really think that she would try to keep your children away from you? If you do, please talk with your lawyer about this, too. As long as your a good, loving father that has a decent relationship with your wife, things shouldn't be as bad as you're making them out to be. Of course, I've never been through a divorce, so like I said, talk with a lawyer. (And talk with a psychologist/counselor if you think you must, as well! Your family may benefit going to counseling for this!!)
Take care.
A
female
reader, flower girl  +, writes (2 July 2007):
 I would say that it is more selfish to stay where you are feeling the way you do, these things happen as much as we do not want them too.
If you wait until the children have left home are you still going to have time to move on, you may then feel that you have to stay, through fear of growing old lonely.
We all need to think of ourselfs as well as our family, and we all need to be happy.
Most children although they never say anything do actually pick up on these feelings anyway,so you may well be surprised to find out they already know how you feel.
I think it would be better to give you and your wife a second chance at happiness if there is no chance through maybe marriage councelling that these feelings could be reversed.
Take care.xx.
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