A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok I have been seeing a guy for the last 4 weeks. I think he's great, funny, sexy, a laugh, and one thing that sets him apart from a lot of guys is that he has so much time for me. Things do seem to be moving along fast, but we're both just going along with it and see where it takes us. I do get the impression that he really does want a girlfriend as he's pretty intense with me, in terms of always ringing me, texting til late into the night, always wanting to be together and when we are together he will do anything I want (as long as he's with me he doesn't mind what we do, that's what he says). He suggested we go away for a few days some time soon, without the interruptions of work, just to spend more time together. Any spare time he has he just wants to be with me. Which is great cause I love spending time with him too, but I do have a more busier life than him, I like getting stuff done, which works well though as I work for myself so can plan my time.He knows I've just come out of a relationship and he is perfectly happy to take things at my pace, and always tells me there's no rush, we have plenty of time. So we're not actually boyfriend/girlfriend officially, although it is like that as we decided we are exclusive, but I suppose we're just not putting a label on it just yet.As a person he is very open and straight forward with me and has told me stuff that you wouldn't really go telling people if you wanted to impress them, just stuff from his past, which I'm ok with as I see his honesty as a real good quality and it shows that he is being open and trusting and there are no secrets.Now here is the problem: I know he is into older women. I'm only a couple yrs older which isn't really much older. Well because of his honesty ( which i think sometimes can get him into trouble), I know he is a big flirt around women. I really am not happy about this. For me, if I'm seeing someone/in a relationship, whatever you call it, I want to give 100% and nothing less. It's the only way I see it working, and in return I expect 100% back. I don't see how a relationship can work if 100% commitment isn't being put in, as you lose the closeness and intimacy and trust and a sense of togetherness, in my opinion. Now, only earlier on today, I saw him eyeing up a few older ladies, when we were together. One in particular he kept looking over at her, and he caught this womans eye (cause you can sense when someone is staring at you), when she looked he sort of nodded and smiled in a flirty way. I couldn't stand it! I didn't say anything as I was a little shocked he would have the cheek to do it right infront of someone who hes supposed to be trying to impress. I just think its totally disrespectful. I know I have to say something to him, but I don't want to come across as, or be, controlling or the "insecure girlfriend". Also if he does agree to not flirt with other women I don't want to stop him doing what he wants. If that's what he wants to do then maybe we aren't compatible? But I don't want him to just agree so we stay together. But I really hope we can work it out. It sure will be interesting to see how we handle our first little issue!!I'm interested in what other readers think about him being this way, and am I right to not be happy about him flirting with others, especially since we have not officially said we're in a relationship.? But essentially I think we are in some sort of relationship, we do what all couples do, we've been inseparable for the last month and we agreed after a couple of weeks only to be exclusive, and he said in his own words "I'm a one woman guy", and he wouldn't be interested in anyone else.For me I want to be someone's everything, and vice versa. I don't want to be not quite enough so that he has to look to others for aspects that I'm missing.I hope this makes sense, and I can get some helpful feedback from you all aunts and uncles. I'm interested in answers from a wide variety of people, if you could spare the time to help that would be very helpful. Thank you : - )
View related questions:
flirt, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2014): Flirting with another woman when on a date with me, would be a deal breaker. Even if it was a first date.
My only thought is, did he actually know the woman you are talking about, and was acknowledging her, with a sort of 'hello'. I would suggest to you, that if it happens again, you say to him immediately " are you flirting with that woman?" and find out. If he is, then I suggest you realize right there and then, he is not compatible with your standards and expectations of a relationship. Or give him the benefit of the doubt to explain exactly what is going on .
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2014): I have had a lot of experience in this area and I think if someone behaves like this at the beginning of a relationship that it will then only get worse and you need to think if you can cope with this going forward. My first husband ( who was exceptionally good looking and knew it and used it all the time) on our first trip together kept eying up and flirting with the BA check- in staff, really openly even though we were checking in together. That was 4 months into the relationship and it made me feel very unhappy and I can still remember it 20 years on. He then just started leading an almost double life, flirting and encouraging other women when he was at work and I was home with our son. He eventually left for another woman. The second husband was openly flirtacious all the time, with numerous women but mainly much younger ones. Always winking and slyly looking at them through car windows and then if someone new started at work taking too much of an interest in them. Having had such a terrible experience the first time around I was not prepared to put up with it and we separated.
I do think flirting is a warning sign of what is to come. If he likes older women then you will always be looking to see his reaction if an attractive older woman is in the room and who wants to live like that. You want it to be just the two of you together. The point is his behaviour is upsetting you so he needs to decide whether he is capable of stopping and if he actually wants to.
...............................
|
