A
female
age
41-50,
*biddy
writes:“Sometimes you must allow yourself to go through some hurtful things so you can become strong because you were emotionally weak”. (My quote)***This is long, but not boring***Were do I begin! I'm in love with an ex-con who had it together, but still was lost on how to treat people. I will call him VA. VA and I met on-line, we hit it off instantly, and 2nd time in 16 years a guy has made me feel something. VA had served about 16 years in prison and had been out about 11 months when we met. Well long story kind of short, VA and I hit it off, I tolerated a lot from him because of his prison background and I knew a lot of things he just didn't have much of a clue about, and I recently found out after making him mad for the very last time, he's been on his own since about age 15. VA would make requests from me that I didn't mind, but it was the way he went about asking, and when I said no, he would tell me to leave him alone, so I would, but he would either call me back or I would call him. I don't want to go into a whole lot of details, but it's in my book I'm working on, but I did things for this man I never had for anyone because I knew deep down inside he could be a really good guy, he just needed a really good woman to bring it out of him. We got closer, but he would never share things with me, sometimes he would go 2-3 days with out contacting me, it would piss me off so I deleted his photos a thousand times... Sometimes, I was constantly in his face, he would tell me to chill because I was pushing to hard like a cop. He kept calling me a cop, because I work with cops! (Fast forward) Anyway, after 3 months he started to finally soften up to me, he was even wondering how my day went, what I was doing, he even was finding time for me, because he worked all the time he would always tell me he was at work and busy (my guess was to stay out of trouble). Things going fine, I feel him feeling me, we had a strong connection, something you rarely see (my opinion) with people of opposite races, yes I'm black and VA white. Things going fine and he starts making his request again. I told him I see what you're trying to do (run me off) I assumed he was worried his criminal background would scare me off, so I asked him to tell me the worst thing he had done to land him in prison, and if I could not handle it, I'll go my way, he can go his way and his feelings would be spared, I also told him he could not hide forever. Well next day, he acted as if we never had the conversation, started requesting photos again (nude pics), I got upset and told him again I see what you're trying to do VA, then I said, "VA where do I work, I can run any background on anyone in the USA". I regret saying that, I put both of my feet, thighs and everything else in my mouth, because he turned around and said, "look I have been locked up I told you that, I tell you what Go F_ck Yourself!" I tried to apologize, told him it came out wrong, he said he didn't like being threatened and called me a cop, I told him again, I'm not a cop, he said, "you are now making that statement." So I tried calling his phone, he did not answer, but sent me another text telling me to leave him alone, I tried calling again; he blocked my number this time. (About 3 weeks prior to this, I had left him message on his cell phone and his ring back was still playing "Friends" by Whodini.) His ring back was now "All My Life" by KC and JoJo (Jodeci), very beautiful love song. (Right now it's some heavy metal song) but I digress!Friday, February 13th into the 14th is the day VA started to hate me. The next day- Saturday morning, I tried to chat with him, he was so cold towards me. I asked him who was the "Jodeci" ring back for, because it wasn't for me since we were not talking on phone, "he said no one yet. No matter how much I poured out my heart to him, nothing I said would impress him or make him forgive me. He was scarce for a couple of weeks (not logging into Yahoo), I text him on His birthday less than 2 weeks later, still would not forgive me, but he started to use me even though his feelings for me were in and out. I knew he was using me and I think he knew that, but I was hoping once we met his feelings would come back! Silly me! Like I said, his feeling where in and out for me. I had made plans to take a road trip with my new friend "K" to visit VA, I thought he was looking forward to it (drama, drama, drama) long story short, I asked him if he was feeling me again, or was I wrong? An hour later he responded with a very weird message, so it made me upset, so I text him back and asked him "What The F_ck Is Going On VA?” well he text back and said "Who The F_ck You Think You're Talking To, no one will talk to me like that, have not been at home since age 15, it's over for real this time" I told him I was not fussing" He said I was, because I used "all caps". VA knew exactly what he was doing, he knew I would blow up the way I did. """I know this is long, but I had to give you some of the picture of my problem, this is not even half of it, all this is in my memoir/novel I'm working on since before I met VA"" Anyway I am crazy about this guy, and I scared him off because I was trying to rush, being impatient and he was not use to all of this, not trying to make excuses for him, but he never really led me on, but he did say to me he liked me a lot, but I think he had much stronger feelings for me. I tried to leave him several times, but he would contact me or vice versa. Back to my dilemma, I need closure and he want give it to me, I didn't get it with my first love either. I have asked VA to tell me he never cared about me and I will stay out of his life for sure. He want tell me, even after he told me to stop. I talked with him 7 days ago today (05/03/09) I had sent him a few video text of my cruise, about 15 minutes before I arrived home, he sent me a text saying "stop sending me stuff please I’m done it’s done don’t want to hear from you at all ever again", So when I got home I logged on to yahoo and text him. Asking him why he hated me so much, he will not answer, he keeps telling me he's going to change his number, call police (the irony), he's called me a bitch. So I give up!! I know we’ve known each other for only 6 months, but I know what I felt.. And even after all this, I still love him.. And he will face me one day, but I have to close another chapter in my book that's been incomplete for 16 years, then I will deal with VA. But my question is, I'm I really the dumbest Bitch in this f'n world? By the way that's what VA called me....
View related questions:
at work, I work with, in jail, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Dbiddy +, writes (4 May 2009):
Dbiddy is verified as being by the original poster of the question To LazyGuy, I don't watch a lot of Oprah, but I do agree with everything you and everyone else are saying... But knowing me, I probably want let this go. He went to prison for Fighting and stealing (twice) totaling about 16 years.. But hopefully I will and can move on.. But for some reason, I just cant. It's not like I cant find someone else, because I can, but It's just something about him. But anyway!!!
A
female
reader, TraceyBee +, writes (3 May 2009):
You're making the oldest mistake in the book: you want to change this guy. You see some good in him (as there is in everyone), and you think you can bring it out. That's ridiculous. And futile. It's a recipe for misery.Here's the BIG QUESTION: would you LIKE this guy just the way he is? I think not. You said so yourself.Why would you want a human fixer-upper? Find a decent guy with a good heart and qualities you admire and respect.You say you love him. Heck, you don't even KNOW the guy.As for needing closure...Give it to yourself. He couldn't be any clearer on that point. He's doing you a favor. Move on, ASAP. And count yourself lucky to be outta there without any further misery. He's got "Loser, User, and Abuser" stamped on his forehead.Good luck to you.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2009): To be honest it sounds like VA doesn't like you and that you aren't good for him
...............................
A
male
reader, ArmyMedic  +, writes (3 May 2009):
 You're probably not the dumbest bitch in the f'n world (you should read some of the posts on here), but you do need to move on.
How do you suggest he gives you closure? I don't get it, what can this idiot give you to make you feel better and move on?
...............................
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (3 May 2009):
 You watch Oprah a lot don't you (or another of those type of shows).
Feeling you. Love of a good woman. Closure.
16 years served. That is not what you get for a simple offence. THis is a hardened criminal. And you approached him as you would a neglected puppy from the pound that you bring home and shower with love in the hopes of getting a nice dog.
It didn't work. Does that make you a dumb bitch? No, just not a girl in touch with reality. Be honest, was this a relationship or a project.
You two aren't meant for each other. He is an ex-con with a very serious crime in his past and deep seated hatred against authority. You are a caring/bleeding heart person who wants to see the best in people to point were you forget to actually look at the person and steamroll all over them.
Get rid of the "love of a good woman" idea, focus your need to save on a stray dog/cat and learn to accept that some personalities just don't mix. Find someone who doesn't need saving.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2009): you just have to move on, sweetheart!
...............................
|
