A
female
age
41-50,
*adlib
writes:So I met this girl online On ok Cupid ( im a lezzy) and after talking for quite a while we agreed to just be friends because she was still getting over her ex from a year ago and i didnt think we would be as compatible. We have met up three times since and hung out for hours and text Fun banter back and forth and not many folks have the same head space as me...So I have since acknowledged that I have gotten jittery and nervous around her and am curious in learning more about her and possibly opening the door back to the idea of dating because I feel this way and there is something about her that attracts me to her. I told her this and she says that she has picked up on my hints and thinks she feels the same way but she doesn't want to ruin the friendship we have made because she has has a habit in the past of comparing folks to her ex and she doesn't want to hurt me. She said she really wants to be back in a relationship but she is still working through her feelings(she ran away from a great relationship because of a fear of marriage and the ex hung around in hopes she would change her mind and finally moved on and is now seeing other people and is just a close friend-they have the same circle of friends and see each other weekly) So the girl i am interested in realizes she screwed up and although knows there is a reason why she left, she still regrets what she did and is dealing with these feelings a year later. I acknowledged that and said it would be silly for me to think she is ready right now and that I agree super slow is smart right now and just getting to know more about each other is best-which is basically the same place as before but with the awareness that there is an interest. I don't want to set myself up for failure here-but I couldn't not say anything and go permanently in the friend zone without any acknowledgement of what im feeling and still trying to figure out..my question is has anyone dealt with this before and do you have any advise? Am I playing with fire and should just back off entirely and shut that door and keep looking even tho we are crazy compatible in some ways?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2012): Please do not listen to the person who said "I do not believe in this whole internet malarky" bla bla bla... Utter nonsense! I met my girlfriend about 4 years ago via a lesbian dating website, and our 3 year anniversary is coming up in March! Although I wasn't in the same position as your girlfriend, I did just literally come out of a year long relationship with a genuinely great guy who wanted to marry me too. Although my hang ups about our relationship didn't nesseccarily revolve around him (although he did play a part) she persevered and guess what?... She made it! I get cold feet easily in relationships, and want to run in the first instance when someone tells me they bare feelings for me. My past is a long and complicated one, and I have severe trust and intamacy issues. My girlfriend didn't find out the truth of everything until months after knowing me, perhaps within the fourth or fifth month of our relationship (I said no to her and a relationship for 6 months solid). What i'm trying to say is this: she's not going to open up her whole heart to you as you are still a stranger. You must act indifferent, play it cool, BE HER FRIEND FIRST. Do not show that you want to get into her pants... My girlfriend made that dire mistake (she tried to kiss me twice on our first encounter and it totally weirded me out). She's not going to bare, nor reveal, her mind and soul to you until a solid platform of trust is built it seems. She has her own reasons for not wanting to going into marriage, but that is over and it is your turn. She sounds as if she gets cold feet. Do you know what my girlfriend does to make me stay? She's constantly there for me when I need her. She is my shoulder to cry on, laugh on, or just purely to rant on. What you need to do is to make her laugh, laughter is the key to any jaded heart. Make her constantly laugh, and want to talk to you. But do not be too eager, nor do you show all your cards either. Be her friend first, and think about the relationship after. If you want to go for it, then buckle up for the long ride ahead as this situation seems to be far more complex than it reads! All the best of luck!!!!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2011): I think this is a no go. She told u she needs time and doesn't want a relationship and so forth. You however keep pushing the issue. Yes there is a connection and there should be.....you don't have to date every woman you mesh well with. Sometimes friendship is best. You will ruin your friendship with her if u don't drop the matter. She may have said she feel some connection with u but she has also said she doesn't want to date. Respect goes before dating . My advice, keep looking and find a stable person who does want a relationship who can reciprocate your infatuation.
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