A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi,Am I overreacting or does he need to change to save our marriage?My husband and I have been married for almost 5 yrs but together for 8 yrs. We have a 3yr old daughter. Here is my problem. I blame myself for everything that happens in our relationship. When i'm upset and try to express my feelings to my husband as to why I feel this way and to let him know that he hurt my feelings, It always ends with me apologizing to him for my feelings. Is this normal? He works away alot. which caused insecure feelings on my part, which caused arguments and trust issues. He said I needed to get help. I have been to a counsellor and used every suggestion under the sun to please him, avoid arguments and basically let him do and say whatever he feels to avoid hearing him saying hurtful things he may or may not mean. He is against counselling together. He believes that it will just be a session of me bashing him. He has told me recently that all he thinks about all day is what I'll be mad at him for next. It bothers me that he feels that way because I know that I can be a funloving easygoing person. I've let things slide such as his share of housework and spending time with his daughter. But I feel like a single parent most of the time. When he is at home he monopolizes my time by wanting me to be a his beck and call "just in case he needs me to get him something, cook him something or clean something. All week I work 9-5, pick up my daughter and go home to do the motherly chores, cook, clean play etc. My job never ends until i'm asleep. Our problems are endless I'm a one person marriage. I love him to death but I feel he takes advantage of this and does things purposely to hurt me, even if he knows I'll be upset. Why does he do this? He never apologizes and I'm always wrong. Help me make sense of him! Sincerely Frustrated and Confused
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2008): hiPlease do not try and make sense of HIM, but try and make sense of YOU! it seems possible that you have lost a little of your perception and understanding your own feelings. It also seems like you have possibly been manipulated into believing YOU are at fault constantly, and this will not be the case unless he is mr perfect, which i very much doubt. If you try and understand you better and what makes you upset you will gain the knowledge that you need. Could start by getting a journal (PRIVATE) and rather than express your upset to him write it in this journal...calm down etc then after you have half filled this journal look back on it with a rational mind undisturbed by frustration or confusion and you may find a link for either yourself or what he is doing to you.Self esteem also pops up in here...work on this area with yourself and remember he may be actually making your sense of SELF feel like a bad person...( and you are not ).Please start to feel good about you inner and outer aspects and then stand back and look! Good luck and remember you are unique and wonderfully special as an individual.
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