A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:In October I got my period at the end of the month, in December I got it on the 15th, and in January I got it on the 5th. It has been so irregular because I recently went off the pill (in September I would say?) I got another prescription for the pill but I can't start taking it until the sunday my next period ends.. but I haven't had my period yet. Last time I had it was Jan 5th, so it's about a week past due and I've also been having soreness in my breasts since about Feb. 1st and it's soreness like I've never felt before. I touch them and it feels like your muscles do the day after you've exercizing a lot. My skin started breaking out around the same time as well as if I was going to get my period, but I haven't and it hasn't cleared up. I also started getting a bit moody like you do before your period, but that did go away. I have no morning sickness. I did have unprotected sex (with my boyfriend of 3 years who is STD-free) about 4-5 times in January, he pulled out every time but twice because it was around the time I THOUGHT I wasn't ovulating (stupid I know, I dont need lectures here, remember I've already got my prescription).Should I be worried I'm pregnant or could it just be that my period is very irregular? I can't really afford a pregnancy test and I've gotten worked up like this before and paid the money for the tests and they were negative, but I've never had breast soreness like this before. If you all agree that I may be pregnant I will go get a test, but I don't want to be overthinking this.
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female
reader, natasia  +, writes (4 March 2009):
 I was also thinking of you yesterday (3 March). I can't help thinking you told yr parents and general force of opinion has led you to terminate the pregnancy. Whatever has happened, hope you're ok.
nxx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2009): hi - we are routing for you whatever happens today. Huge hug.
Star.x.
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A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (25 February 2009):
Hope you are ok and everyone is being nice to you : )
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A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (22 February 2009):
Hi there
OK, now I have a bit of time to write ... :D
It made my day to read yr post first thing, because you are actually listening to what is being said, and taking it on board, and thinking about the consequences of what you do now. You don't know 100% for sure what it's like on the other side of having had an abortion, or of having had a baby, so the only thing you can sensibly do is to listen to other's experiences and make your judgement. I know that might seem obvious, but actually I think it takes a really clear head and heart to be able to do it - just wanted to say that, and that I admire you, and that I think you are really doing well here.
My thoughts on yr various points are:
You are totally right that if you are now feeling pregnant and starting to orientate towards your baby, and feeling that you would pretty much like to see him/her and be their mom, then having an abortion could well be catastrophic for you emotionally (as it was for me). Add to that a history of depression, and I think your risk would be even higher. On a kind of medical note, the exact symptoms I had after the abortion were:
- First couple of days: total shock; sense of unreality; crying a bit
- After about 4 days: waking in the night feeling absolute terror (what really really shocked me was how easy it was to terminate a life - I suddenly, myself, felt incredibly vulnerable, and kept having nightmares about how my mother could have terminated me, and just basically reeling at the enormity of what I had allowed them to do, and how they had been so blase about it all... and how I was just left to get on with the after-effects)
- After about a week, when I went back to work, total detachment from what had been my life before - everything seemed empty and pointless - and I just cried. I cried for about a month, I think. Gave up my job.
- Then I had a mini-haemorrhage (sorry - have spelt that wrong!), which was very scary. This can apparently quite often happen on your first proper period after it.
- I soon started having panic attacks (never ever had them before). At first I didn't know what they were - very frightening - I would be standing in the queue in the supermarket and suddenly come over with a feeling of terror, and be scared even of moving. I would wake in the morning and look at the clock and think 'What does 8.30 mean?' (that really freaked me out!!). etc, etc.
I have now looked all this up on the net (there wasn't the net when this all happened!) and discovered that there is in fact a recognised reaction of post-abortion syndrome. Of course, all the guys who make stacks of cash out of the abortions stomp around saying 'Nonsense! There's no such thing! These women are all off happily living their corporate dreams!!' - but as far as I'm concerned, that's a load of old bollocks (to use a very English expression!!). I know several people who have had abortions, and even the most carefree going into it were badly shaken; someone such as myself, with my Oxford degree (ie, with a mind that thinks too efficiently sometimes!) and a whole host of sensibilities - well, for someone like me, it was devastating.
OK. That's enough about me. And sorry about the Oxford mention, but I just wanted to kind of establish that I am a reasonably intelligent, educated person, with a strong sense of intrinsic morality - that quiet voice deep down inside us that tells us what is right. The thing that now makes me so cross about the abortion business is that they deliberately DON'T tell you everything. I think every woman contemplating abortion should have a scan, for example. That way they would be much more aware of what they are doing. But they don't - everything is kind of swept to one side, all your feelings, etc, and you are just carried along on a tide of 'Don't worry - it'll all be fine - it won't hurt - and then it will all be over!'. Because we are conditioned to listen to the medical profession and trust them, we go along with it. And then quite a lot of us, to our horror, discover later what we really did.
(Sorry if I am going on a bit - I will cut it back now!)
I think you have a few key things to focus on:
- Your feelings about the baby, and what would be best and most healthy for you in the long run (they are supposed to take this into account when they agree to do an abortion, but believe me, they seriously don't)
- How your life would be with a baby
- Telling your mom
Notice I've not included yr boyfriend on the list. That's because I think you've answered this one yourself - you know that he might disappear, and that you are just going to have to weather that storm, if it happens. I, like you, doubt actually that he would disappear - he is doing his absolute utmost to persuade you to not have the baby now, but he knows he only has up to 9 weeks to do that, and after that, there's no going back. He will, I think, probably do everything he can possibly think of, as he isn't thinking the same way as you - to him, there's still an option. He isn't pregnant, you see. I don't know about you, but for me, as soon as I am pregnant, I feel like the baby is with me. He or she is a reality. Anyhow, I think your boyfriend, although he would be very upset, and scared, and possibly angry with you, would live through it and probably stay the course, if he's a good guy. You're just effectively threatening to throw his whole life on to a different course, as he sees it, and he has NO control over that - that is the worst thing for guys, I think. What he needs to do is to calm down and look at the cup as half full rather than half empty, and understand that if you both work together, you can still have most if not all of what you had planned, but just in a slightly different way, and with someone else involved ... Easy for me to say, though.
I think you just have to stand firm with him. And with everyone, really. And maybe to give yourself the full picture, you shouldn't just go for the abortion meeting - you should go for a scan, too.
Have to go now, but I hope you're feeling ok, and feeling strong. Be courageous! I am just so sad, and, in a way, cross, that it should seem so hard to have your baby, and so easy to eliminate him/her. There really is something wrong there - something kind of unnatural. Just don't listen to that rubbish and those silly anodyne leaflets that talk about abortion as if you were having dental cleaning - it really really isn't the same. : (
Just be strong, and I think you've already got all the answers. Personally I think you should cancel your 3rd March appointment, and just tell your mom and everyone that you know what you're doing, but then I'm speaking with hindsight, unfortunately. You do what you think is right. It will be only you answering to yr conscience for the rest of yr life, and trust me, I would do anything not to have that on mine. : (
nxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2009): Ok i am blushing at the compliment - you are great and really pleased you have updated us. It helps here - a lot of the time you office advice and you never know.
Most contraversal thing I can say though, so will say it upfront is that I am surprised you were on depression treatment - I don't think that's relevant now since that was your past and a very different you than the one who has written here.
Really there is no right answer, just something that will lead you down a different walk of life. Its the only thing i can do here is just help you think...There are lots of mums and lots of women that have terminated their pregnancy that can give more true experiences and wisdom than i can.
so lets think ... getting rid of the baby - yes if that's what you want, it can be done easily cleanly(I don't believe that for a moment but i think its right to type the narrative) and less people will know. I am not qualified to tell you if it will leave scars (emotional) or if you and your boyfriend will be strong enough and not have some resentment for it. Some couples it binds them stronger having been through it, others fall apart.
(- I realise I am typing this in a very boy-neutral manner- not sure if it helps, but will carry on.)
lets think some more... Keeping the baby - will be hell. you will become like a monster - part hormal giant hippo with an emotional state that will be part tiger-dormouse.
And then you will have a baby. Yes a baby. You will be a mum. Does the word stop spinning - no. will it be hard - yes. Will you survive yes. Will parents feel disappointed yes - does that matter no. They will realise there is more important things like they are now grandparents. Your studies will catch up if you are determined.
Will boyfriend stay - hmm probably - (thats the best answer i can give)think he is still realising his world is changing and isnt as free and easy as he thought. Does that mean he wont stay? no idea. Can you raise the baby on your own at worst - yes.
You both were involved in the conception, you both have the right to handle it differently. The big thing though is talk and work together, don't be upset with each other regardless of the outcome - it is a lot responsibility either way.
Really sorry I can't be more help here - Don't have lot of experience (the joy of being a boy) but can help you think a little more (i hope)
Big Hugsx2 Star.x.
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A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (22 February 2009):
Hi there : )
I can't write back properly now as my own baby is waddling around the kitchen looking for mischief (currently removing all the most unsavoury articles from the bin (trash : ) and testing if they taste nice !!)
but i will soon - today - and you are thinking along all the right lines - totally
I would say don't talk to anyone yet - will tell you later what i think, + so glad maybe it is helping
nxx
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A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (22 February 2009):
Hi there : )
I can't write back properly now as my own baby is waddling around the kitchen looking for mischief (currently removing all the most unsavoury articles from the bin (trash : ) and testing if they taste nice !!)
but i will soon - today - and you are thinking along all the right lines - totally
I would say don't talk to anyone yet - will tell you later what i think, + so glad maybe it is helping
nxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey, I did not get to check your last message and that's why I've gone so quiet. I've kind of been putting it out of my mind also to be honest. I am really really debating this, and after your response debating this even more. I think about keeping the baby a lot, I am thinking of his/her future a lot, so I have a feeling this could mean bad feelings if I go through with the abortion, right?
I haven't spoken with my aunt yet because, to be honest, I think maybe I should talk to my mom instead. My boyfriend really can't stand the thought of having the baby and I think I need to tell him how I really feel. I did tell him once a few days ago I am still thinking of both options (meaning I'm not totally for the abortion yet) and he just gets SO upset about the thought of actually having the baby. He says it's the last thing he wants in the world. He says it will ruin his life. That hurts to hear, and I know he doesn't mean to hurt me and he's just telling me his opinion on the subject, but it makes me feel awful. If I decide to keep the baby what will he do? To be honest if he left I would be very surprised but life does go on, but how would he be able to look at the baby after saying such things?
I'm starting to think that I don't really care what he thinks anymore. I could finish school and it would be hard, but I know in the end I have a higher chance of becoming depressed if I abort the baby than if I have him or her (I guess it's ok to call it an it, beause it really is at the point :P ). I did not mention it but I have a history of depression too, so I think I'm setting myself up really bad. I think I might talk to my mom tomorrow. My appointment isn't til March 3rd so I still have over a week to change my mind thankfully!
I also have to thank you both for all of your support yet again, I really really REALLY appreciate it and to be honest I don't know where I'd be without it right now!
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A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (20 February 2009):
I hope you're ok - you've gone all quiet ...
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A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (19 February 2009):
Hi there.
Going and talking to your aunt is absolutely the best idea - go! Do it! I hope you have already.
As for your boyfriend ... sensitive as he may be, he is just scared, and needs to understand that he, and you, now have the power of life or death over another person, and actually, that person is someone who would be the most beloved person of your lives. This is also a tricky one, because actually what he needs to realise is that the baby is now more important that he is ... first step to being a parent : )
I like Star's idea of jumping forward and giving yourself retrospective advice. Jump even just 5 years and these are your options, probably:
- You had the baby; your boyfriend stood by you; you are still together and both adore your first child (that's a definite given - nobody fails to adore their kid!); it wasn't totally straightforward, but you managed to finish school (maybe your boyfriend finished first, and then when the baby was a bit older you finished - so many many people have done this - it is a revision of your plans, yes, but now the world is a little bit different, and it really is a small price to pay - school can wait a while if necessary, but yr baby is hurtling fast towards being a person and she/he is totally dependent on your love - she or he can't wait, and it's not their fault, either - they are just here, and doing their thing, and blindly trusting).
- You had the baby but you lost your boyfriend. However, it is HIGHLY unlikely that he wasn't even the littlest bit curious when his son or daughter was born ... I suspect that even if he freaked out a bit, eventually it all came together for him, and that he came back to you (both).
- You had an abortion and were so upset that you couldn't continue at school anyhow, or did significantly less well because of it. You went off your boyfriend OR (another common reaction), you ended up having a baby a year or so later, to compensate, and always feeling guilt and grief about what you did, because when it was too late you realised the full enormity of what you had agreed to do, and how actually finishing school a year or two later really was nothing in comparison to that ... really was just not worth it : (
- You had an abortion and were pretty upset but then just got on with your life and forgot about it. (sorry - find it hard to put my heart into this one as you don't sound to me like that kind of person!!)
OK, ok ... you can see what I think!! But it is only from my perspective of the other side of this experience - you haven't either had an abortion, or had a baby - I have done both, and I can only tell you as I see it, as I have learnt, the hard way.
To me, your practical priorities are:
- Sorting things out with your own parents, and getting their support.
- Finding out about support, including financial, while still at school - or options such as taking one or two years out. Don't tell me there isn't a student counsellor or welfare officer who has dealt with this before, and knows what your options are ... I'm sure there must be.
- Going to the doctor and being checked out, and having a scan. Then you will understand the reality of what we're talking about here - you will see your baby.
Boyfriend: he has to get his head around this. You are a moral, feeling, intelligent, sensitive person; you would be delighted to be a mother if it weren't for the 'negative' circumstances; your instinct is very strong - that you should have the baby. He needs to catch up with you. Men have a v different perspective, but you are the one and only one living your life. I don't want to undermine your boyf, but to be baldly honest (and this is such a time for you), boyfriends do come and go, but children don't. They are always yours, and you theirs.
Boyfriend's parents: no, don't go there. They are not your responsibility. If his dad would freak, that it is his dad's problem (and is probably the reason why your boyfriend is so upset! That's his dad, and he would have to tell him ... you can see why the option of a quiet termination of all this worry seems vaguely appealing ... we always cling to those we know, as opposed to the unknown ... but yr poor little baby can't help being all tucked away and unseen as yet).
OK, that's enough, I know. I can only say that if others take a while to catch up with you, that is their job - you have to be strong, and calm, and have the courage of your convictions. And there will be lots of support for you, I'm sure of it. Hope your aunt is helping. Would give you a big hug if I could. You are right, you know - you really are right. Our parents aren't always right, though.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2009): you sound more together than 99% of the people i have known who get the news. You will be an excellent mum.
I don't think there is one out there who has hasn't gone through the now its a reality i don't know what to do stage (i see a market for a book here...) - when you start talking to other mums you will see.... lol scariest most marvelest thing the world (apart from Ice Cream).
I have known people carry on studying and thats worked- its down to you and the baby and the support groups.
Now the boyfriend, yes its a shock. But he has to get over it fast - you are going to need him. If he is still freaking. tell him to sit down and write himself a letter as if it was 20 years in to the future telling himself that it will be ok....
Hug (x2) Star.x.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for sticking by me everyone, and you're alright saying mum starfish, my mom's from scotland so i totally understand :P
The thing is, I really want to be able to finish school and I want my boyfriend to be able to as well. I told him that it IS still possible with a baby, but he just doesn't want to hear it. It's not that he's insensitive, he's actually the most sensitive guy I know, I just know he's terrified. His mom loves me but I know she will freak out and I won't ever be able to look his dad in the face again.
We have some information session set up at the planned parenthood tomorrow to give us more info on the abortion. I am very sensitive as well and every time I eat or drink something now I'm already thinking about how the baby is getting some too and I've already stopped drinking coffee (I've hear the caffeine is bad) incase I decide to keep the baby.
I'm terrified that I'm going to go through what you went though, natasia, with the depression and all. I'm so sorry for what you went through, it must have been awful and that's also what I was already predicting I would feel like if I went through with this. I'm already depressed and wish it didn't have to be this way. The thing I've always wanted more than anything was to be a mom, but now that it's a reality I don't even know what to do. I do have an aunt I could talk to, she is actually a counselor so maybe it would help a lot to talk to her and she lives right down the street.
I also don't know if I would be able to get any type of welfare as I'm in college and it costs $20,000 a year at my school. I'm afraid they'd tell me that they can't give me any help unless I leave school which my parents are actually paying for, not me. I can't imagine they'd pay for the baby though, but who knows. My friend's sister is also just over the moon about her baby boy that was unplanned and was just born on saturday. It makes me feel like although it could be hard I would also be so happy once the baby came.
Guess I should talk to my aunt, I'll give her a call tomorrow after this stupid information session we have to go to tomorrow.
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A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (18 February 2009):
ps
OK - just seen that Starfish said pretty much all the same as I did in about 5% of the words!! ; )
Wanted to add that Starfish is right - your BF will settle down and live with it, and it is a common reaction in young-ish men to freak out at the thought of being a dad. Just give him time.
I think, just as I was certain you were pregnant, that you do really know your own mind and what you should do. It's just a question of weathering the storm of other people's reactions. Give yourself just a bit of time to lie down and read a book and wonder at the fact that you are pregnant. I would.
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A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (18 February 2009):
Hi there
I knew it too ... I was certain, from what you said.
Ok. Here's the bit where you mustn't panic, or make any snap decisions. You are in the middle of your 7th week of pregnancy according to when your period started, which is why you have all the symptoms full on. For me Week 8 was the absolute worst (could eat nothing apart from lemon sweets, and only drink freshly-squeezed orange juice!), and then Week 9 and 10 are marginally better, and it all usually goes away by about Week 12/13. (Just telling you that so you know where you are ...) The baby's heart has already started beating, too - it starts about Week 6.
In terms of abortion, you can have that chemical pill up to Week 9. I put 'chemical abortion' into google and this is the first site it came up with:
http://www.lifesitenews.com/abortiontypes/chabortion_types.html
- which happens to be an anti-abortion site, but does seem to give very good detail on exactly what drugs are used and how they work.
After Week 9, you'd need a surgical abortion, which you are quite right to avoid - I had that and it was extremely distressing.
So those are the facts. But as I said, you don't need to decide right this second - you have at least a few days to think about it, although of course all the time the baby is growing : (
I had the same situation when I was first pregnant, with my boyfriend saying exactly the same thing - that he wasn't ready to be a father. He said that for several weeks, and then, when I was still so torn, and so upset at the thought of having to kill that little life, he changed and said 'OK, if you feel so strongly ... I couldn't live with myself if I forced you to have an abortion.' Which was, it has to be said, very good of him, and, I think, morally commendable. Unfortunately my dad wasn't so responsive ... he was so angry that he said that if I went ahead and had the baby, that he would disown me. Frightened and feeling totally alone, and as my boyfriend was not the right person for me (v aggressive and controlling, although v charming, and now actually proven to have some kind of personality disorder - so I was right!) - as he was wrong, and I was terrified of being left all alone only with him, and as I actually feared for my safety and that of the baby, as I didn't trust him, I went ahead with the abortion. (I'm telling you my circs so you can understand my decision - but your situation is obviously not totally the same.) Anyhow, I went ahead, and sadly it was so traumatic that I never really recovered emotionally ... I was one of the ones with 'post-abortion syndrome' - which is basically just a term for utterly devastating grief. It did, actually, change my life, in a negative way - I started suffering panic attacks, I had to give up my job as a trainee journalist as I just cried all the time, etc. etc.
OK. I will stop drivelling on about my own sorry tale. The main point of mine, though, is just that before the abortion, everyone kept saying 'It's not the right time - you'll ruin your life!' and actually my life was anyhow ruined by the abortion - in a way that I honestly don't believe it would have been if I'd had the baby.
The other gigantically important point is that while you can still have an abortion, everybody begs you to do it, but if you resist that, and go ahead with the pregnancy, when the baby is born everyone adores him/her and says they could never live without them, and practically denies they ever suggested an abortion. I think your boyfriend is just scared, and that if you did go ahead with it, he would come to terms with it. Well, he either would or he wouldn't. I suspect that if you had an abortion against your innate morals but out of a sense of duty to him, though, that at some point you would stop liking him. And you would be left with your conscience for the rest of your life.
Sorry - this sounds very heavy - I really don't want to advise one way or the other, but I also don't want you to do something you have no experience of, and then live to regret it. There was a girl on here a few months ago who was very uncertain about having an abortion, but went ahead with it, and afterwards was just in a terrible way. It is the woman who has to live with the guilt - I'm afraid that's how it feels. I still feel enormously guilty now, and that I failed my duty of protection to my child.
I had another chance - I got pregnant in 2007, in a totally inappropriate situation, with my lover of 3 months, who already had 2 children and was desperate not to have any more. I had an onslaught of supplication/threatening from him, not to have the baby, but because of my previous experience, I withstood him, and said that I could do anything, but not terminate a baby. Our daughter is now 10 months old, and totally life-affirming and wonderful, and, as I said, everyone has just rearranged their lives slightly, and they all adore her, and it is all, really, OK. Well, not totally, but we are getting there. (The lover had failed to explain fully to me that the reason he was so against the pregnancy was because he had a wife and children in another country ... but that really IS another story!!!).
I am going to shut up now. I will get hate mail for not repeating the mantra 'you must do what you want - it's your body - your decision - ' etc. I'm afraid I don't think it is completely your body once you become pregnant. It's also somebody else's, who is helplessly dependent on you : (
Am v happy to email you privately if that would help. My position is so unjudgemental - it is only based on personal experience.
I would say sleep on it/talk with friends/think about it for a day or so, and don't rush straight to your mum, because yes, she will find it hard not to tell yr dad, and then he will hit the roof, and it will all be even more stressful. Just keep it to yourself for a little while, and settle your thoughts.
And re: your poor boyfriend - I do totally feel for him. It is v hard. But you might have to choose between him and the baby. Hopefully he won't make you do that, though. Just don't compromise your own convictions and morals, though, because you will always regret that.
Please don't worry. It really will be ok.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2009): Huge hug. Now at least you know. At the moment right now, i suspect its a shock, more for him than you. It will take awhile for him to settle down. Of course he (the BF) wont be happy first off - he has just learnt his world has turned upside down and he is going to have to grow up faster than he thought. Mum and dad will flip but then grown upness (is that a word) will kick in. So now tough desicions to make. I don't know the US setup but there must be some form of councelling \ medic etc. As to talking to the family - is there an Aunt or similar that you are close to that you can talk to first. It will be your call at the end of the day as to what to do. The real thing to do next though is get it confirmed by the doctors. There are millions of Mums (sorry MOMs) out there who have been through this who can help and advise much better than i can here. Hugs Star .x.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell I took the test yesterday and it was positive, I just had that feeling and the feeling was right. Thanks for hanging in there with me. Now I don't know what to do. My boyfriend was with me when I took the test and he started crying, he REALLY does not want to have a baby. He said he loves me and he's with me no matter what decision we make, but he keeps saying how he doesn't want to be a dad. If I have a baby I want everyone to be happy and I know that's not going to be the case here. I'm so confused....I want to talk to someone but I don't know who to talk to. I want to talk to my mom but I'm afraid she won't keep it a secret from my dad until we decide what to do. My boyfriend and I always said we were against abortion but when we looked at that test yesterday everything changed. I want a baby but just not now, but I feel like I've already made that choice and he really just does not want it, but he said he loves me and he's with me either way and I know he's telling the truth I've been with him for so long and he wouldn't just say that. If I do end the pregnancy it will be with that pill, I refuse to get a surgical abortion and if that's my only option of course I'm keeping the baby. There are so many choices and I don't know which to make. I know eventually my family will support me but he really doesn't want a baby and it makes me feel awful.
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A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (17 February 2009):
ps
oh, and my advice for the actual practicalities of doing the test : ) ...
- Make sure you are somewhere kind of pleasant and relaxed, and not where someone is going to walk in on you(!)
- Take a deep breath before you do it, and another one before you read the result (I nearly keeled over with shock the two times I found out by doing my own test! The first time they called me at work from the doctor's with the result, and I was just so happy when I found out : (
- And if you are pregnant, just think about how pregnancy is, like anything, just a phase, and one day you won't be pregnant, and one day this will all seem like just, well, the story of your life : )
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A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (17 February 2009):
I'm v glad if anything I've said has helped : )
You sound very calm and sensible and there's no doubt that whatever happens, you will be fine, I think. And also a good idea to focus on the classes and midterm and then do the test.
Let me know what happens ...
nx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2009): Keeping all things crossed for you. If the pee test does come out positive go to the docs and get it confirmed...they too can be wrong. lets find out if we need to worry about everyone else (dad, bf etc) afterwards. (once again being a boy is no use at this point)Huge hug.Star.x.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNatasia I have to thank you so much for all of your replies. You're right, there's no way stress has kept my period away because I haven't even been stressed until the day I made this post. I didn't get a chance to get the test today because I had classes almost all day and I have a midterm tomorrow that I had to study for, but I am being patient. Still no period and I felt sick early today in class but I think it was just my curry from last night so I didn't overanalyze it and make myself crazy haha and it did quickly pass, in about 40 minutes or so. I am not tired to the point where i MUST lay down so maybe that's a good thing, but I am markedly more tired than normal. It could just be from being stuck inside so much lately due to the weather, we'll see!
I know my dad will go through the roof but as far as I know he will be there for me and I really doubt my boyfriend would just split. Worse comes to worse and I am pregnant my good friend's older sister babysits as her full-time job and she just had a baby on Valentine's day and the baby's father cut off all contact with her when she told him she was pregnant so I'm sure she would help me out somehow because she is in a kind of similar situation, although she is 5 years older.
And anon you're right about how it could be a late period, but that wouldn't explain breast soreness for 16 days now unfortunately :( I appreciate your answer as well and I thank you for taking the time to read this. HOPEFULLY I will have some type of update tomorrow!!!
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reader, natasia +, writes (16 February 2009):
ps
And as for your dad - I understand, all too well - mine was a great dad, and loved me very much, but he had his views, too, and he went through the roof when I got accidentally pregnant. I was too scared to go ahead with something he was so angry about. I shouldn't have been. I learnt (too late), that while our dads have a huge amount to give us, there are moments when we have to just stand by our own feelings and act on them, even if the price of that is upsetting your dad. He will get over it (probably!!) - and he does, somewhere, understand, because he is a parent, too ...
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reader, natasia +, writes (16 February 2009):
OK. I think Starfish is totally right - if you are pregnant, it will all be ok - it always is. But, are you? For me I have to say that the strange tiredness - like, total tiredness where you really have no choice but to lie down - that and the breasts are ALWAYS the earliest and strongest signs for me. That doesn't mean to say they are your signs, though - there's some variety in the spectrum in terms of how different women feel.
And as for anon. having symptoms and 2-week later period ... well, that would be classed as being 6 weeks pregnant, and 1 in 3 pregnancies are lost in the first 12 weeks - and a third of them in the first 6 or 7 weeks, and often women don't even know they had a failed conception, as the body just deals with it. And yes, often they have negative pregnancy tests, even though something is going on. So I don't think we can say for certain that it was just stress that made her period 2 weeks late - that would have to be some pretty huge stress, I reckon.
Anyhow, I think you know all this: you have to go and get a test and do it asap, and then we can go from there. As I said before, you so aren't alone - and I got pregnant at 21 as well, but unfortunately my parents and boyfriend couldn't cope with it. That's another story - which I will tell you if I think it will help - but for now, best first to find out if you are! And I think you're actually in a very strong position, because even if you are pregnant, you know what your views are - you don't believe in abortion just for convenience - and I have to say I think you are 110% right to feel like that - my life experience has shown me the same thing.
But hey, you might not have to worry about anything, as you might not be. As you do the test, think that WHATEVER it says, it will be good:
- if you're not pregnant, then everything just stays the same in yr life and you feel relieved
- if you are pregnant, yes, it's a huge adventure, but an amazing one, and even if it has come not when you planned it, i will bet you as much as you like that you will never regret having yr little one - never ever
So smile : 0) - you are in a win-win situation!! (that's the way to look at it ; )
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2009): i doubt you are. the same thing has happened to me like 3 times before and the stress is deffinitely getting to you. stress causes your period to be late and also causes breaking out. and as for the other symptoms, it can all be psychological. if you keep telling yourself youre pregnant, your bodys gonna act out in physical ways like that. i was CONVINCED i was pregnant once when i had all the symptoms even morning sickness and breast soreness and my period was 2 weeks late after it has been regular for 2 years, i took a pregnancy test every few days and it kept saying negative so i started to relax and then finally got my period. i really think its just the stress and your mind causing these symptoms. just try to relax and hopefully you'll get it. i know its hard to stay calm in a situation like this but just realize your lifes not over if you are pregnant and remember youre not alone, you have your boyfriend to help you. hope this helped, good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell I haven't really been worried about it up until today because I have been putting it out of my mind. Its only 8pm and I'm already exhausted and I slept until 10 this morning and I could barely even get out of bed then. I looked up symptoms and I've got another one, constipation. I'm actually going to get the test tomorrow instead of waiting until wednesday.
I understand I will have to adapt but it's just so scary thinking about it. I will definitely finish school somehow and make sure my boyfriend does too. It will be worth it in the end for all of us rather than just dropping out and getting a job at minimum wage. Either way it's our fault if this is what has happened and I can't blame anyone but myself and my boyfriend. My dad will really go off the wall if I'm pregnant though, I guess we'll see. I'll keep you updated!
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2009): ok so being cold an unemotional for a moment...if you are pregnant, what happens? you adapt and have a baby and the world changes - it could be the next bill gates or mother teresa. who knows? you will survive and be a great mum. its not the end of a life, just the start of another one...
But you are probably so tense and worried your period is just making fun of you and will wait till you get to the doctors before starting. (times like this i am glad i am a boy means i can duck quicker)
Hugs Star.x.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your answers, I really appreciate them! Nastasia I have been extremely tired but I forgot to mention that. By 9 at night I can barely keep my eyes open sometimes when usually I can stay up til about 11 or 12 before feeling like that. You reminded me of that symptom too, I'm going to wait until Wednesday and if I still don't have a period I'll buy the test. I also kind of feel pregnant, if you know what I mean. I really hope I'm not!! I'm almost 21 and I still have another year of college left after this year and my boyfriend still has 3 years and we both planned on going to graduate school. I don't really believe in abortion except for extreme cases like rape and incest. My mother would be understanding but I can't imagine with my dad would do. Now I'm really worried... :(
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2009): Tricky and i am not best person to answer it, so apologies,. there are only three ways to know if your pregnant - one is a blood test, a blue- pee type test (these are pretty accurate these days and fairly cheap(and I know nothing of these either)).The last test takes about 9 months....
No protection is a 100% guaranteed. Just reduces risk.
You could be delayed with your period, because you are stressed thinking you are pregnant and this could be causing tenderness. Or it could be something as daft as a new bra.
if concerned and doesn't happen soon, go to doctors about delay it could be something else?
ok boys view over... sorry not much help.
Hugs Star.x.
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reader, natasia +, writes (15 February 2009):
i think the breast soreness is a possible strong indicator. i have had lots of months where i wanted to be pregnant and almost imagined i was, but wasn't. but the 3 times i HAVE been pregnant there was no doubt - i felt different, and the sore breasts were the first thing i felt (sickness came later). sore breasts, moody and tired. strangely exhausted. at odd times of the day when you aren't usually tired.
i think you should get a test. you can get cheap ones from a supermarket, you know - they do the same job. look up 'best pregnancy tests' on the internet and you'll get advice about which ones are ok.
go on. do it. then you'll know. then come back to us if it's a worry, one way or the other : ) ... there are lots of us here, and lots of kind hearts and good advice ... : )
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