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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Hi everyone, I am 19 and a bit confused about a man I met a few months ago. He works at the college I recently transferred to, and from the beginning, I have been noticing some stuff that makes me raise my eyebrows, but in a good way, if that makes any sense. He is married, which is the main reason why I keep my distance from him. It just seems that he pays more attention and favors me more than the other students. When I first enrolled/transferred to the school, he did EVERYTHING for me. I literally just sat there while he filled out important documents, got my classes lined up, ect. Once, I was at a meeting with him to go over some school stuff, (which could have been done over the phone or through email, but he insisted we get it done in his office), anyway, he noticed the ring I wear on my left hand and asked if I was married. I proceeded to tell him that it was a purity ring (yes, I am a virgin) and he looked surprised and said "Good job." He then said he wondered about whether or not I liked a certain type of food, and I told him I tried it once but didn't like it. He said he and his wife love it... pretty random. As I was getting ready to leave, he stood up, looked me in the eye, smiled, and shook my hand and said "It's good to see you." I politely smiled back, and was on my way. Another time, during yet another meeting, I brought my friend along, and he gave him the 3rd degree. Bombarded him with questions, it kind of seemed like he was my protective father, questioning the guy who wants to date his daugher. That's what it felt like. This may make me sound bad, but I thought it was cute, almost as if there was a hinge of jealousy because I brought my male friend along. Also, I have noticed he holds the door open for me, pulls my chair out so I can sit, always smiles, and tells me to make myself comfortable. I am not complaining, and I do appreciate the little things he does for me, and how he takes charge, it shows that he is a gentleman. Once again, in his office, we were talking about the new commercial promoting the school, and he said he would be in the commercial if he wasn't old and fat. I laughed and told him he wasn't, and he just smiled. So after that meeting, there was still a few weeks before my first class. He called me every week, emailed me, and reminded me to do the homework that was due the first day. He said if I needed help with it, to call him. I thought that was nice. So fast forward to the first day of class, he called me and told me he'd be waiting by the elevators, and that he was going to personally escort me to my first class. Sure enough, as soon as I got off the elevator, there he was, with a big smile on his face. He showed me around the entire floor, where the restrooms were, the vending machines, the water fountain, ect. He walked me to my class, and there was a bit of an awkward silence as we stood outside the door. He finally spoke and asked if I was all ready, and I told him I was nervous. He said it was completely normal to feel that way, and gave me a reassuring smile. I thanked him, and he opened the door for me. If he would've taken another step, he'd be in the class with me. The first day of class went well, and bright and early the next morning, he called me and asked how my first day was. We talked for a bit, and I thanked him once again for all his help, and he said he'd be calling/emailing frequently to see how I'm doing. I am not going to lie, I really do enjoy and appreciate the attention he gives me. I am not very close to my father, and it just feels good to have an older male figure show interest in my education and in my life. And I never feel scared, or uncomfortable when I'm around him. It's been over a month since I started school, and he has kept his word. He has called and emailed. Nothing bad, just a simple "How are you, how's school?" However, I have noticed that our phone conversations are getting longer and longer, and a bit more personal too. I never call him first, he always initiates contact. Last week, he called and asked what my plans were for an upcoming holiday. I was kind of caught off guard, and I told him I didn't have any plans yet. He said he was going to a certain place, and if I'm not mistaken, it felt like maybe has was going to ask me to go with him, but decided not to. I don't know, just a feeling I had. He then told me about how he's had a busy month, and he's ready to just relax. We said our goodbyes shortly after. So, just a few days ago, I received an email from the school explaining that there are groups/teams assigned to each student with three faculty members who will be there to help you along the way. His name was the first on the list. I was not surprised, and it did make me smile. I spoke with him yesterday, and again, it was a friendly simple conversation. I sometimes wonder if I am mistaking his friendliness for something more, but to be honest, I really don't know. He seems like a nice, decent, mature, professional man. And honestly, if he wasn't married, I might actually want to get to know him better. I am smart enough to know though, that married men are trouble with a capital T. So that's my situation... what do you think? Is he just being friendly and I am making it more than it is? And what signs should I look for, that would tell me he has other intentions? Thanks in advance! :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you :)
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (1 September 2012):
 Ah, well, then, I guess the only advice to you would be to wait and see. Good luck with everything. If you are sincere about your pledge, it seems to be good practice to assume others have similar stances... including him and his wife. :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHim being in love with his wife is a beautiful thing. I know nothing about her though, other than the food she likes.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (1 September 2012):
So if he's in love with his wife, what does that mean to you?
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe reason I wear a purity ring is because I feel that two people should be in love and married before they are intimate. I know that is rare these days, but that is how I feel.
Thanks for your advice :)
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A
female
reader, dangerouslyinlove0228  +, writes (1 September 2012):
 Gurl, there is no good in relentlessly keeping in contact with a "married" man; not to change your mood swings because you sound idolized. I'm not sure what his intentions are but you should be aware that people do have different perspectives. If students/staff members know about this, its gonna be a whole different story.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (1 September 2012):
Tell us more about why you chose to put on a purity ring.
You're spending a LOT of time thinking about a married teacher. If you are sincere about your pledge, consider what his wife might like you to do.
I'd put some mental distance between him and you and get on with studying. The rest is a distraction from your purpose at school.
Decide what you want. If you want drama, well, keep on the imagination and quasi-flirting. If you want to stick to your purity ring pledge, maybe it's time to check yourself and stop the flirting/wondering/imagining.
If he makes any inappropriate actions toward you, report it. The rest is irrelevant to your future, after all. Right?
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