A
female
age
30-35,
*ittlebitxo2294
writes:I was wondering if anybody could help. I broke up with my little girls dad, due to constant arguments and the fact I feel like he isn't mature enough. He's really lazy works 2.5 hours a morning, and was procrastinating looking for anything else. Never helped out with the night feeds, and just generally moaned about me doing anything other than being sat at home with him. I was starting to feel emotionally drained all the time being around him as there was no fun anymore. We never go out, even before my daughter came along, we don't spend time together, not do we want to because we're always together. But when I go out or he goes out, there always ends up with reprocussions due to, and yet another reason to argue. We row at least upto 4 times a day, and it got to the point where I'd lie awake most nights wondering what im missing and why I'm so miserable. The main point of the break up is I feel we're better friends than together, I'm sick of making all the effort with everything, and feel for the last year he's never appreciated me doing anything, including carrying our 3 month old for 9 months. He unintentionally seems to have a go at me for things including the 2nd say after our baby was born and I didn't want my daughter seeing us argue as she gets older, through fear it would affect her, the same way my parents did (they argued 24/7 until my mum left him when I was 3, I remember bits) mainly for my daughters sake, I don't want her having parents who hate each other. We are having joint custody, and things ended really nicely and on a good note and we've agreed to remain friends for out girls sake mainly.However, one more point is I started to have feelings for someone I used to work with. He is genuinely an amazing person, but he's basically told me he wants to spend his life with me, and that I'm perfect. This was starting to happen before the end of the 2.5 year relationship I was in and I thought that if I'm having feelings for someone else, maybe it's a time to call us a day. I went on a date with the other guy yesterday, I had fun, he paid for everything, spoilt me, looked after me. Everything my ex wasn't. He reminds me I'm beautiful everyday, works 35 hours a week, wants to provide for me and my daughter. On paper man 1 sounds like a d*ck, and man 2 sounds perfect. I don't know how my ex would react if I moved on, and I'm really scared of progressing anything with the guy I'm seeing. It's not that long since me and my ex split, so ideally I wouldn't want to prematurely announce things. I'm only dating this other guy, were not together or anything but on paper he sounds perfect for me.The more things happen since the split the more I'm missing my ex, I don't know if that's because I miss him, or I'm just grieving for the end of our relationship, but whenever someone tries and talks to me I just shut down. I don't know if I have made the right decision. I just want what's best for my baby girl, I don't want me and my ex a year down the line to be bitter because the arguments have driven us apart. How would you deal in my situation? Do you think I've done the right thing? Or not? I'm fine talking to complete strangers in regards to things but people I know I can't do it. Someone please advise me on how to deal with this,Miserably, Chelsea. X
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (24 June 2013):
 I think you done the right thing by ending this relationship. It is clear that you where unhappy as a family unit and it probably is better that you both remain friends and work together to look after your little girl. It is great to hear that you both have joined custody and that it is working out well that way, because sometimes parents use there child as a weapon which is not good. So it is great to see you are both putting your child first.
Okay it is only natural that you are going to feel sad and miss your ex. You may not have had the perfect relationship but still it was 2.5 years of your life spent together and you both created a little girl. It may not have always been good but off course you are going to miss him dearly. That is completely normal.
I suggest that you give yourself some time to get over your ex. Yes on paper the second guy might sound perfect for you, but right now I think the best thing you can do for yourself is be on your own, look after your wee girl and be independent again. Get used to single life and give yourself time to process the break up and also to move forward with your life and be happy again. Maybe once that is complete then you can think about dating again and seeing how things go with this other man.
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