A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I was in a relationship for 12 months but she had an eating disorder illness which part of that made her push me away. I don’t blame her for that and I know the illness is not easy for her to cope with.The pushing away happened 4 times but we always got back together after time apart. This last time I had no contact with her for 8 weeks, she tried calling but I never answered.The thing is in the last break up I met someone else and have been dating her a couple of weeks now. We seem to be getting on and I do like her (a lot) but my feelings are not the same as I had when I first met my other ex-girlfriend.The ex-girlfriend has now got back in touch and wants me back. I have sent her an email told her I love her but as a friend only and that’s all it can be for the time being, I also said I think its best if we just communicate via email for the time being.I do still love her but am afraid of getting hurt again. I keep trying to put her out of my mind but I can’t. If I stay with the current girl it may or may not work out.Any advise would be appreciated?
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks "anonymous". Glad it worked out for you.
I think I a will probably stay with the new girl and just keep in contact via email with the ex for now see how it all goes.
The ex also sent me a birthday card and gift.
I just feel I dont want to accept it because it's just making me feel like I am cheating on her even though we are not in a relationship together and I know that sounds crazy!
I guess I am not over her as I thought I was.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2010): Don't drop the new girl.
A year ago I would have said give your ex a chance because as you say eating disorders are awful... but in September last year I broke up with a guy that I loved to bits but who was committment phobic, immature and always shied away from a real relationship. I met a new guy once I thought I'd moved on, and I'd been seeing him for about a month when my ex contacted me to say that he had been soul searching for the last four months, he missed me, he realised what an arse he'd been to me, and he wanted me back.
I was sooo close to dropping the new guy and going back with the old because I had stronger feelings for him, I used to love him, we had history, I believed he'd changed etc. etc. However I couldn't bring myself to tell new guy. In the end when my ex put that pressure on me I made the extremely hard decision to walk away from him and go with the new guy who I hardly knew in comparison, but what I'd seen in that month had been good. I didn't even think I'd be with new guy for long but I couldn't face thinking about what would happen when my ex actually couldn't live up to his promises, because multiple times before he'd let me down. I would have been left wondering what my relationship with the new guy could have become.
My relationship with the 'new guy' is 9 months old now, I am in love, and he treats me really well. I don't regret walking away from my ex because he walked away from me countless times, and sometimes it's just too late.
If you have already started moving on from your ex but are compelled back to her due to duty, hope that things will be all better, and/or the thought that perhaps things with her will be better than with your new girl think about this: if you aren't fully over your ex perhaps you haven't given yourself permission to really fall for the new girl, your ex has an eating disorder and I know from personal experience that they do not ever truely leave you (so if she has pushed you away before then she will do so again), and what if things with the new girl work out perfectly?
If they don't then your ex will still be on the Earth and if you realise you made a terrible mistake then you can do what she's doing to you now, but I think it's worth the risk that she may not be there if things with your new girl don't work out, just for you to see where the new relationship takes you.
Change is the only constant, and I guess you have to weigh up who can be better at changing - you or your ex. If you are better at change then go with the new girl, and good luck.
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