A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i have been with my boyfriend for 2 years, he lived 2 hours drive from me and made every opportunity to come and see me (every weekend and somtimes a surprise visit during the week), occasionally i went to stay at his (but i only went when invited so it wasnt that often).about one year into the relationship he moved closer (only 1 hour drive away) the reason being that the work was there and he could be abit nearer to me. I did not really get to see him more after the move, infact it changed to about each fortnight, but i did go to his when invited which was three times.Now he has moved back to where he used to live, saying that the work is in fact down there now, and i only get to see him maybe every three weeks. not as often as i did when he lived there the first time.he still texts each day and calls me to talk most nights.Nothing has changed in the way of money, as it crossed my mind that maybe he was spending alot on petrol and diddnt like to say, but he has just booked an expensive holiday for him and his children (from his previous relationships), so money is not tight.He said earlier in the year that we would be going on holiday together, i agreed and even suggested some places, i get along well with his children, i am a bit hurt that he did not invite me (i saved some money from the thought of us going), but he booked it without telling me till afterwards.Maybe he wanted time with them alone i dont know, as last few times he has come to mine he has brought the children.Last night i told him that it would be good for him and the children to get away (i did not say i was abit hurt) then i said, maybe we could go somewhere later in the year, he said one holiday is enough and that christmas would be comming so his money will be taken.i left it at that.my question is, are these signs of him going off me? or am i making to much out of this?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2009): It sounds like you care a lot more than he does about LD situation.
Is there REALLY nothing he can do about it... Or is it just that it would put him out of his way a little?
I don't see why he used to be able to see you every week and now, even though he has gone back to the same hours and same location, that he can only see you every three weeks.
If I were you I would move on and find someone who will actually be there. I have a feeling that if you kept this going, the ammount you would get to see him would just keep getting less.... and less.... and less.
Is the love you feel for him (Which I have a feeling is at least slightly unresipocated) worth it?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2009): (i am the original poster) thankyou for you advice.
yes i have spoken to him about the time we spend apart, he said that he is too busy with work.
i also said im not too happy that i can never make arrangements for us (night out, day out) its always only when he has the time.
he said that he cannot see a way to change it.
so basically i sit and wait for him to let me know when we can see each other.
i asked him when we would see each other next last night on the phone, he said hopefully in the next couple of weeks.
Im starting to feel like life is passing me by, i wonder at times if i should just end this as i feel i need more, but i have such strong feelings for him.
He has made it quite clear that we will not live together in the near future, but maybe in 5 years or so (his words).
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2009): Have you tried talking to him about how seeing him less and less is making you feel?
I would find it quite stressful if I only got to see my boyfriend once every three weeks and it was getting further apart as time went on. So I don't think you're blowing this up too much.
Try to relax a bit (You are handling him changing his mind about the holiday without telling you very well, and I hope he appreciates it... It must be very dissapointing for you, especially after you saved up for it). Talk to him about everything and how it's making you feel. It's better to get this stuff off your chest and see what's really going on in his mind, instead of keeping it bottled up and getting more and more stressed out.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2009): I don't have any experience with long distance relationships, but it does seem a little strange. The only way you will know is if you ask him. Dont make it out like it's been something you've mulled over for ages, just bring it up casually. Ask him if he's happy with everything in the relationship, and mention that you were a little surprised that you were'nt going on holiday anymore. Dont be accusing, just ask and hopefully he will be honest if it is anything. He might just be stressed from work and moving often, or it might be something else entirely!
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