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female
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*unky
writes: For a long time, I have had a suspicion something went on with my man and my sister. I asked and was told I was being stupid, so left it. The trouble is, whenever they are together I feel like there is something between them. This has gone on for 2 years, but it's not like I think about it all the time...It just hits me like a 6th sense when they are in the room together. I asked both of them this week if anything had ever happened. My sister walked out, my man told me I was mad and that it was MY problem etc etc.... The thing is, my sister txt me later and said the same things, almost word perfect. It seems to make it worse. Am I mad as there is no proof except I know she stayed with him a few nights 2 years ago. Should i trust my instints or try and let go?Thank you Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Funky +, writes (9 February 2006):
Funky is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you so much for your help. I phoned my sister to ask her about my feelings, she said she would phone me back. Low and behold... between the two of them they were word perfect with their answers. EXACTLY the same words...then both swore they hadn't spoken to each other. I am still with him, but I don't feel the same, I am listening to every word etc for clues, so I am pretty unhappy. It's the fact that they both say I am paranoid and making things up. It hurts that they seem to want to go on forever keeping this quiet. That's the worst betrayal...It seems to be THEIR secret, not mine. I would have rather her came clean and we worked it out, but a man who will keep secrets with another woman can't think that much of me can he. I think we are on our last legs, but I will write again before I leave him
Once again, many thanks for your help
A
female
reader, Lovesmelovesmenot +, writes (19 January 2006):
Stick to your instict. This is a feeling a normal person would not feel. There may be something there, you just need to keep watching out.Keep your own sanity. If you going to end this relationship with your husband, you should at least have some real solid proof.Mark these things down, date them, keep them. Because if it is true, you can bring it into the divorce as leverage for your, and wipe him clean, so he knows what he did was not right.But keep your own sanity in the long run, and if you know you cant find proof and its driving your crazy, then let him go, cuz you need to prove yourself sane. NOt crazy!
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A
female
reader, Funky +, writes (18 January 2006):
Funky is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all. I suddenly don't feel so bonkers anymore! Iam going to do as somone suggested, and just pop in sometimes and see whatI find.
I will post you in a few days and let you now whatI find.
It is so comforting to feel that others would feel like I do... It's the fact that they are both keeping up the deception that hurts the most. A slip up is one thing, to keep getting together to cover their lies is the most hurtful thing they could do to me.
Well, I'll let you know, thank you soooooo much.
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A
male
reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (18 January 2006):
 Instincts are tricky things. They are hard to ignore and unlikely to go away. You are right, if you do the things you want to then you run the risk of doing the relationship permanent damage and maybe even ending it, not to mention the family strife it could cause.
On the other hand it seems that these instincts are too powerful to ignore as they are already hurting you. If they do not go away then the end result is likely to be the same as this feeling nags away at you. In that sense you have something of a Hobson's choice. Do what you feel in your heart is best and what will help you heal and feel better.
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A
female
reader, cucumba +, writes (18 January 2006):
gal, go with your instincts, most of the time they are right. snoop if you have to there aint no shame in that, you need to know the truth thats the only way you'l get peace. two times my instincts have told me theres something fishy goin on with my boyfriend and its been right, so go with your 6th sense.
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A
female
reader, Funky +, writes (18 January 2006):
Funky is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for your reply, that is great.. it is true that i am not likley to find out... that is what hurts, I am left with the hope that I am mad, or that they not only went behind my back, but get together to make up lies... thats worse than doing anything physical.I feel like checking his phone or watching his house... which does make me mad, and I would hate to resort to things like that. I have never done anything like that before, and I think I will do permanent damage if I start now, but what else do I do? Wait and hope it goes away?
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A
male
reader, Dazzerg +, writes (18 January 2006):
In these cases it is just best to stick to the facts although there is nothing in your post to suggest you would have a complex about this for any reason. Were they alone together for the nights they spent together? If so and they insist on saying nothing happened then even if it did you will find it hard to prove. However if a third party was there then maybe you could tacitly enquire if anything did happen.
I would not dismiss you as mad, instincts are good guides and usually right however you do come up against the barrier of burden of proof. Saying the same thing is not proof that they are in cahoots. It is circumstancial evidence. Don't let your man dismiss you as mad but dont act on any instincts or make further allegations until you have concrete proof to verify them.
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A
male
reader, Dan_Stewart +, writes (18 January 2006):
 i think it might be an idea to go into the situation a little more and go with you feelings...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2006): Trust your instincts something is setting off a four alarm fire in your head. You better listen. Be careful at the same time how you handle them so you do not do or say anything you may later regret. Maybe you should change your routine schedule a unexpectedly and see what happens.
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