A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I have been dating my current gf for almost 4 years now. Prior to this I was only with one other woman. I am 30, she is 28, both professionals. For the past 2 months I have become insecure about her past. Previously she had been with roughly 10-15 men and I had no cares about her dealings with them, however over the past two months, when she brings it up I have not wanted to hear it. I am trying to figure out why I feel this way now, when I didn't feel this way earlier? Our relationship and sex life has never been better than it is now. My only explination is that I'm jealous that she has had a more exciting past than myself, and after 4 years I'm starting to think - are these the only experiences I will have in my life? I love her dearly and we have a wonderful time together, I am just questioning my life and what I will experience in it. Maybe I'm starting to think "How come I can't have stupid past relatioships?" Am I letting my sexual curiousity get the best of me? Any advice would be wonderful, thank you!
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her past, insecure, jealous, sex life Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Sugarbuns  +, writes (8 January 2008):
 I suspect it's bothering you now because you care about her more, and your relationship has deepened. I also suspect it bothers you because her more experience sexual past makes her seem more worldly, wise and perhaps easily bored with someone who does not have so much of a past. This is a misconception. I'm sure she's very happy to be with you regardless of your past, or lack of it. Perhaps it is even a plus in her books. I fell into this misconception myself, having been with only a few men prior to my long-time marriage and then after my divorce, I met a guy whom I was crazy about, but had quite a sexual past, and several marriages as well as several long-term g/f's to boot. Sometimes he treats me like he thinks I've lived a sheltered life he cannot relate to, but come to find out, he rather enjoys the fact that I've not been spoiled, or "ruined" by the hardships that come from mulitple partners and sexual experiences etc. The next time she brags, or brings it up, you could make a joke about it to lighten your feelings, or simply tell her you'd rather she not say anymore about it. Good luck.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2008): Thanks for your reply. It's a tough question - the balance of looking for a girl you love and get along with, versus one the fits every part of your sexual compatability scale. Life is certainly not perfect and I am not one so naive to believe that there is some ultra perfect virgin hiding under some rock that is waiting for me. It's coming to a balance of reality that is the question and also asking myself, am I jealous that I don't have the same storied sexual past that she does? Had I been with an equal amount of women would I feel better? While she certainly can say to me, that she is sexually content and has "been there done that." I can not say the same. Like I said earlier, I believe my sexual curiosity is getting in the way of me enjoying my current experiences.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2008): its natural to feel jealousy towards her ex lovers. This comes from the male instinct to want to ensure parentage of any offspring. A female thats had loads of lover and/or one night stands results in the male becoming insecure and possesive. There is not a lot you can do about this as its an instinct, other than choose your partner more carefully.
Good luck
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