A
male
age
36-40,
*anny86
writes:Dear Cupid,I am 23 and currently dating a girl (20) I met at a camp 3 years ago. We did not meet since then and we only started dating about 9 months back. However I had feelings for her back then and when we got together she told me that she did too. For a month or so we chatted online and got to know a bit more about each other and finally I mustered the courage to ask her out on a date. We went out on a few dates but it was always with a third person be it her little sister or little brother or friend. Bur eventually we started going out by ourselves. About 2 months into our dating i asked her is she would go steady with me and he said that we were not in a relationship but we were more then friends. She said that because at that time she had an important exam. I understood that she would likely need more time to study and so I did not bring that topic up again until her exams were over, this was 7 months into our friendship. By this time we knew a lot about each other and have grown very close. She tells me almost everything in her life and I do the same too. I really enjoy everything about her and one day I just winged it and told her that I loved her. To which she said "Thanks" and moved on to the next topic. When i brought the topic of us going steady again, she said this time that she wasn't ready for one yet but she had strong feelings for me. Finally about 2 more months after that I asked her again if she was ready to go steady and public about it and she said that we can't because I have an important exam this year. Which I do, but I have always been on top of my studies and I have told her that many times as well. Anyways, she said that once my exams were over we can be a couple and go steady. But now I am having second thoughts about her. I have always done nice things like write her a poem every few days to show her how I really felt for her and It wasn't just a one time thing, I did that for the past 9 months and i enjoyed every one and I don't mean to blow my own horn too but I have been a good friend to her. Whenever she needed something I would travel almost 50 miles from my home to hers just to help her out with it. I felt really close to her but then I noticed something, she never once touched me just for the sake of touching. I am not talking sexually, i mean just the little things like when we're at the movies she won't even look at me unless i stare at her for whole minute and she won't even hold my hand. I realized suddenly that she never seemed really physically attracted to me. I don't notice any difference between the physical contact between us and the ones she has with other guy friends. She says she has deep feelings for me, but her body language is just not saying the same. I thought after all this time she would show a bit of physical attraction towards me, but it seems there isn't or maybe I'm just reading to much into it. Please help. Does she like me, or am I just someone she likes having around?
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male
reader, manny86 +, writes (15 October 2008):
manny86 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice,whatamessinwinter. I tried that already, I was doing it for about 2 weeks before I wrote this and yesterday she replied an email i sent her and she said that she loves me. it wasn't an elaborate message, it was just a regular email about her day at college and at the end of it she said "i love you" and signed her name. So now I am more confused then ever. She loves me but can't bear to touch me? She loves me but doesn't want any physical contact? She loves me but we're not in a relationship? She loves me but in not her lover but "more then a friend"? Whats all that supposed to mean?
A
male
reader, whatamessinwinter +, writes (12 October 2008):
Trust your instinct about her body language. The answer is clear - she hangs around with you, but that's it.
HOWEVER:
People are weird and change what they feel, sometimes when you don't expect it. My advice: go absolutely cold on her, no calls, no poems (expecially no poems), no dates with third persons in attendance. Show no interest. Women sometimes respond to that by suddenly acquiring an interest in that person. Go figure (You are American, I take it?).
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