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female
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*1sheaba
writes: It seems that with every boyfriend I have that after the first week or so I start to get the feeling that I'm being neglected or that he doesn't like me enough unless he is showing me affection all the time he is with me. I don't like this feeling though because it makes me feel selfish and I get hurt easily, but why do I do it? I feel like a nag always asking for more attention. Am I just needy or is it a result of bad past experiences?? Either way, is there any way to stop being so sensitive to it?Thank You. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, vina_101  +, writes (16 October 2006):
 Wow. I am going through the same thing as you right now. And yeah it is as a result of bad experiences. Those bad experiences have now given you a constant need for a lot of love and reassurance. In terms of the reasons behind it: It is probably because you have unrealistically high expectations resulting in an unrealistic ideal of what a relationship is like and then when it is not as perfect as you'd like it to be you get dissapointed. You give up on the whole thing and start thinking it was all too good to be true. It's as if you've got this ideal about how much love and affection the guy should give and how he should show it, and then when he fails to do it your way or in the amounts that you'd want it you feel like he's let you down. He doesn't need as much love and affection as you do and when he shows you his love in 'normal' amounts you feel like he's not loving you enough.Because really the guy didn't really do anything wrong and it was just a case of you being easily hurt and over sensitive. With this problem its a case of you know what the problem is and why the problem is happening but you don't know what to do to fix it. This is a difficult issue to overcome because if you try and stop yourself from being overly sensitive then it will feel like you are lowering your standards and settling for less with someone who doesn't treat you 'right.' Where do you draw the line and get the right balance? These are the questions that I often ask myself and I'm just letting you know that understand what you are going through and I hope someone on this website can help.
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