| A
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I think I like my close friend romantically... he's a male, I hasten to add. We attended the same college last year and spend a lot of time together when we didn't have lessons; he was little reclusive and although he associated with the popular crowd, he didn't like them. I am, by choice at this stage, a self-confessed loner. Anyhow, I was surprised by how much we had in common and I realised after talking to him that he was extremely intelligent for his age (he's exactly a year older than me) and we had a lot in common in the way our minds worked... this intrigued me, however, the crowd he spent time with didn't like me so we rarely spoke other than when we had "free" lessons. He is very charming and I was shocked when he told me that he had been with a girl when he arrived at the college, but had dumped her simply because he had changed schools... it seemed rather fickle. And he tells me he has slept with three different girls... he's seventeen. I'm a virgin, not because I'm considered unattractive - although I get the feeling I intimidate boys my own age - but because I had never found anyone I wish to sleep with.We exchanged email address before leaving and we began to talk regularly online, which helped me to put my feelings for someone else, who I had been interested in for a year at the time into perspective and realise they weren't worth my time... for that I thank him! On the day he left (a week before I did) we went to the shops together and he smoked marijuana, which he does, although I've only done it once and I think it's pretty stupid. Before he left he said he wanted to give me a hug and I said okay, why? So he said, well, I'm probably never going to see you again. So I said I saw no reason why he wouldn't and he said, it's just the way things are, we probably won't.I was upset after this, though didn't tell him... I mean... I tend to do erratic, self-destructive things... on this occasion I ended up sitting in an alleyway with a just-released violent convict drinking foster's while filling him in on my sorrows. And no, I'm not joking.Since then we have remained in contact online and speak almost every day. On several occasions he has suggested meeting up, including that we should go to the theatre together and see a musical that I am a huge fan of, as have I, but nothing ever materialised due to logistics/problems etc. I while ago, I discovered he was a diagnosed sociopath, as well as having high-functioning Asperger's Syndrome. I have similar "issues", let's just say, although not to the extent of sociopathia.He seems really lonely in some ways, and I feel sorry for him. He has many sexist views, but after I protested on many occasions he agreed to try and conceal them when he was talking to me. I told him I should view me as he would a man - as an equal - and he said he would do this. I am a bisexual girl and I am pretty opinionated, so I'm hardly his "type" - he likes the meek, submissive wife-materials.For some reason, I find myself attracted to him, although not physically. Yes, he is very good-looking, in a conventional sense, but I tend to go for androgynous men. And I have not seen him in person for 6 months... nor a photo of him. So don't tell me I fancy him.I just really, really like him as a person. I have started to become paranoid and jealous... although he hasn't had a mentioned girlfriend in the year and a half I've known him, he mentions "girls" for time to time and I get pretty irked by it... although, I do try to disguise it. A while ago he told me he had met a "perfect girl", you see, he tends to objectify people and view them as a selection of pros/cons, however on further probing I discovered it was unreciprocated. He continued to lecture me about her so I told him he should not idolise her, for it did not interest me to hear about it, in the same way it did not interest him to hear about x person (I celebrity I like). He responded by saying, well, it's different to you talking about (x person), "because I don't feel intimidated by him" so I asked if I should feel intimidated, and he said no, because you have qualities that surpass hers… (my name) don't do this to me." I fail to understand what he was implying by that. I really care about him though, I don't honestly know why. I'm not attracted to him. We have silly conversations as, for example, if he gets stressed we talk about dolphins so he can calm down. I guess that's kind of mutual counseling in effect.I honestly don't know if he likes me, although, my instinct suggests he views me as "close friend" territory, just because I am masculine and he likes submissive females. A while ago for example, he was telling me about his plans to take a gap year and I asked him whether he intended to go alone, to which he replied, oh no, I'll take 2 friends (male) and a girl if I have one at the time, to which I told him he may as well buy a sex doll if he is only interested in bimbos... however, it appears I am in hermaphrodite territory... not platonic enough to be a "friend" but not feminine enough to be a "girl", at least by his standards. He seems to feel possessive of me in some ways though, for example, he once told our mutual friend, a guy, to leave me alone because I was "fragile" and would become upset. He also became greatly enraged when I claimed I was talking to a guy online (in a sexually suggestive way) and told me he did not believe the guy existed, and that I must be making it up. He was, admittedly, on drugs at the time. In one of our earlier online conversations, he was talking about something - reasonably inappropriate - that I had said to him several months before, to which I asked him why on earth he was thinking about that. He replied, well, my thought track went (name of our old school) (my name) (what I had said).Also, while we were at this college, a (slightly hyperactive and none too mature) boy in my year informed me that "(my friend) was waiting for me outside, because he fancied me", and asked if I knew that. I said no, I didn't, and went out and talked to him. This didn't come up. However, the boy did tell me a week or so later that he had been joking when I questioned him on it. He said it in a sarcastic voice though so I'm not sure what he was insinuating by that.My infamous friend messaged me the other day saying (about my display picture, which looked like something out of an S and M magazine... I guess, although, not explicit) "that picture is far too sexual... if I was your father I'd do something about it" to which I replied that I would kill myself if he was my father. Not sure why I read innuendo into this.The last few days he has been ignoring me somewhat... we talked on the phone for a few hours the other night, and… didn't argue (unusual for us), however I texted him a few times the next day and he was giving inadequate responses. After I ignored him, he wrote, “sorry I'm not in a talking mood :-(“, so I asked him if he was okay, and he said yes I just think school is abusive. He hasn't been online for a few days now so I texted him today and said I missed him, but if he didn't want to talk to me then that was fine. He messaged me online later on, and at the time I was in "fragile" mood (about unrelated things). I kind of off-loaded onto him and he offered responses for a while, and then stopped replying. I couldn't tell if he was still there because he appears offline anyway. Okay... I know, men can't cope with emotions, but still, it's a little hurtful. I'm not sure if I'm being paranoid, and I'm not sure what my question is... I guess, whether he likes me, but just generally wanted to get some thoughts together... yeah.P.S.I know I sound like I'm scraping a barrelI highly doubt anyone will bother to read this.Please don't reply, with the singular comment: move away from him, he's a sociopath. I mean... maybe sociopaths are, technically, bad news, but I'd rather not generalise.xx
View related questions:
drugs, jealous, text, violent Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2009): Without Empathy
About Me
Name: Catherine Location: Raleigh, North Carolina, United States
View my complete profile
The Sociopaths Who Live Among Us
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
The Sociopath as Romantic Partner
Experts believe that all of us know at least one person that exhibits the behavior of a sociopath. They look very normal, they could be a friend, neighbor, family member or romantic partner.
Sociopaths can be very romantic, extremely charming and incredibly generous. They will shower their target with attention, flattery and gifts of all kinds - jewelry, clothes, flowers. A socipath will sweep you off your feet and treat you unlike anyone has ever treated you. He will typically seal the relationship very quickly, often before he discards his current victim.
Sociopaths have the ability to gain your affection very quickly and a relationship with a sociopath becomes intense very quickly.
Sociopaths are often very likeable, easy-going and relaxed. They are often delightful to be around and can make a dinner date enjoyable. They say all the right things and do all the right things to get what they think they want for the moment. It is not unusual for a sociopath to provide an endless about of support, running errands, organizing and encouraging you when you need it.
Sociopaths usually target women are who nurturing and very trusting, kind and caring. Often their targets are women who have morals since it is much easier for a socipath to 'con' a good person than another con artist. They only want to prey on women whom they can take and take from without the person expecting anything in return. They are social predators who target vulnerable women. Sociopaths can quickly determine a person's weak spots and vulnerabilities and will exploit them throughout the relationship. He will ascertain your likes, dislikes and passions and will declare admiration for the same subjects.
A romantic relationship is just another opportunity for a sociopath to find a trusting partner who buys into the lies. Everything about the relationship is a game. They can be extremely charming in a relationship while doing much damage behind the scenes by having countless affairs and lying about them. He will lie to his latest target while he is lying to his current victim. A sociopath will show his true self when he has his next target lined up and he knows that his current relationship is coming to an end.
Sociopaths fail to fulfill their promises or commitment made with romantic partners. They usually have a string of broken relationships and/or failed marriages due to their inability to feel true love and sustain intimate relationships. They never really form emotional attachments and therefore lack any sense of obligation. It may appear that there is an attachment but it isn't real. According to Dr. Martha Stout in her book 'The Sociopath Next Door', sociopaths will marry but never for love. Their relationships allow them to appear normal. Sociopaths can "know the words but not the music". They learn to appear emotional and romantic by imitating others' behavior.
Sociopaths show a stunning lack of concern for the devastating effects their actions have on others including wives, children, family and friends. They do not feel remorse, guilt or shame. They are not able to care about the pain and suffering experienced by others due to their complete lack of empathy which is a prerequisite for love. Sociopaths are always takers and never givers in spite of appearances and the illusion they create.
|
