A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I used to work with this guy for almost 3 years and we almost had a thing and then it fell apart. and then my friend started dating him.. we'll call him Carl. They broke up bc she was terrible to him.. but he was really hurt. Carl and I had a huge fight over something i had no control over and didnt talk for months. Finally, randomly i see him walking one night and i call him and he ends up hanging out with me that night. He ends up talking about the girl (Nancy) for a little bit and told me how they had been hooking up for almost 8 months but she wouldnt get in a relationship and barely spent any time with him. She would tell him she was too busy to hang out and then he'd call her and she'd be with some other guy or just with other friends. So i told him that it was pointless to be hooking up that long and not be in a relationship. Anyway. I walk him out to his car at the end of the night and he puts his arm around me and says "i should have dated you instead of nancy" and i said "yeah you should have" then he gives me a hug and his head bangs on the top of mine and i said "were you trying to kiss me" and he said "did you want me to?" i said "yeah" and we did. He kept saying how random that was and how surprised he was and mid-kiss asks me how many serious boyfriends i have had. then when hes leaving he says we'll hang out and drives away. He texts me later that night and says "im sitting here saying to myself i cant believe i just made out with Jackie (my name)" and im like is that a good thing or bad thing and hes like "its not bad.. just dont tell anyone.. i hate drama.. this was a random thing' that was about a week ago.. Then, finally we're texting another night and hes bringing up the "debate" that caused our fight in the first place and he had promised me a few nights before he wouldnt bring it up again. i let it go. then he starts asking me a hundred times why i wanted to kiss him. he was genuinely confused. hes like YOU wanted to kiss ME? this is so.. why... like whyy?" i told him i liked him and he got eeven more confused. but i had fallen asleep and didnt respond anymore. the next night he comes over and he puts on a movie that he knows i hate, but that he loves.. he keeps trying to get me to like it.. and the volume wasnt up all the way and he gets up to change it and i said "no i got it.. relax ur the guest" and hes like "gosh, are you that girlfriend who does everything for the person cuz hes the guest?" i was like "im just trying to make u comfortable!" so then i leave the room for a second and when i come back hes completely sprawled out on the couch and i end up laying with him and spooning.. then he brings up the "hot topic" that caused the fight before and i was like listen. im going to discuss this once more and then we're not doing it anymore. basically.. what caused us to fight was i was date raped by one of our friends and he doesnt know how i put myself in such a dumb position. so hes like, "how did you end up kissing? did he just look at you and say you... have.. beautiful eyes?" and i was like no.. and hes like "did you kiss back?" and i said i dont know what u mean by that. do you mean like this?" and i kissed him and i pulled away and he kept kissing me. and i told him the story and after i had finished a few min later we started kissing.. allott. and basically after a while he pulls away and starts venting to me about nancy and how pissed he is about her and how dumb she is. He vehemently says he is over her. but i let him go on and on for prob almost 15 min about it and then he is leaving and i walk him to his car and hes still talkinga bout her. and then he opens his arms for a hug and doesnt even kiss me goodbye. 20 min later i get a text from him saying "i totaled my car. im fine. someone is getting me" i call him. no answer. he calls back saying "i cant talk now but i thought you should know whats going on" almost 2 hours later i text him saying everything ok? no answer. the next day i said "everything work out? i was pretty worried" no answer. then i said "i ahve something that will cheer you up! do you like the fray" no answer. like WHAT he is so confusing.. am i just a rebound? or does he see it going somewhere? why doesnt he respond? what should i do?sorry about that long long question..thankss
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2009): Awe wow sounds like a handful. Well firstly give this "text" thing some time...he could've been injured or in trouble..or he could be lying but there's no real way to tell right now so give it a little more time.
It's not that he is trying to be confusing, it's just he himself is confused. Guys love to be logical and straight forward and spend large amounts of time measuring things and analyzing. You seem to be more sensible than he is though.
I'm not going into the odd things he does. That's prolly just him being a guy. The only thing I feel worth mentioning here is his habit of digging into the past. I feel like you should open up and say "hey, I understand you hate her or dislike her, but that's in the past and you say you are over her but you are still talking about her when you are with me. I don't mind listening to you but somewhere you have to get over her" or something like that you can put into your own words. I don't know when you will be able to talk to him again but I hope he is ok.
Let us know how it goes
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