A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've come to the stage in life where i'm wondering whether i'm in love with my boyfriend or just comfortable in our relationship. The thought of breaking up with him tears me apart at some times, but at others I feel like I want a relationship with someone else. We've been together for about one and a half years, and the honeymoon period has definitely worn off.On the postive side, he's a great guy. I can think of tons of reasons why I adore him, which I believe is a positive thing, but then I could do the same about my best friend. We see each other most days and for the most part, I don't get bored. Our actually 'dates' have dwindled, by that I mean it's usually pizza and tv at his house. He lives with his dad and younger brother, so sex isn't frequent as we rarely get an empty house, and he works most weekends. The sex is good, but to be honest I've never had an orgasm from him. Although I enjoy sex, the fact that he won't give me oral sex upsets me when I seem unable to climax any other way. On the days, I don't see him, sometimes, I will feel empty, like there's a part missing from my life, and other days I'll barely think about him. He's a caring, attentive, boyfriend and makes me feel like a princess. I don't doubt that he loves me, or that I love him, I just question the type of love I'm feeling. His family adore me and adore them back, I'm close to most of his family including his parents, siblings, step-siblingsa and cousins. I know they believe that he and I are meant to spend the rest of our lives together. We've talked about marriage and children, and sometimes it gives me a feeling of indescribable happiness and other times I can't picture it.Recently, we've been falling out more and more. We never exactly argue but one of us will annoy the other. I always find myself being the one to make the peace, and I'm not sure if that's because I hate seeing him sad, or because I just want to be back in my comfort zone.Please help unravel my confusion. I'd love to hear your opinions.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2010): from my own perspective, i believe you're both too confortable and in love. but the thing is are you really happy in the relationship? that will only come from you. though sex is important in a relationship, it's not always the basic of a real relationship. im virgin myself, been dating this guy for 3 months now, and trust me we're more than happy, although he's not that into going dinner and stuuffs. as to you, just wait untill u find out what is that you really want. other wise i think the poor guy loves you, and maybe he just doesn't know how to reach to your destination; then talk about it, both of you. and about pizza, nd tv, you're too demanding darl.. i personnlly see nothing wrong with that!
stop thinking to much, don't worry and be just happy....
A
female
reader, blast +, writes (1 July 2010):
Hi ..I think you are more concerned about how much you will hurt him than weather or not you love him enough.I think you know you want to have a break with him but are afraid that it will cause so much upset and heartbreak that it prevents you from doing it.I know you love him and are probably worried that you will never find anyone again but the only way to know if you love him and to check out those feelings is to have a break.you need to know if you love him and you cannot tell unless you loose him... sometimes that is the way.Unfortunately I think you just cant bare the thought of him hating you ...or being upset by you ...once you have left him you will see that you have done the right thing as you will no longer be wondering if you should do it or not and that will clear your hear and leave room to decide if you love him enough to go back.this is the same problem i have ...although im 39 and its tons worse cos i keep wondering if im ever gonna have kids if i carry on being so indecisive.... because to tell the truth I had the same problem with my last boyfriend......i seem to only 'really know' im in love when its unrequited!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2010): I have a wonderful boyfriend and the funny thing is that he's the one who remembers the anniversaries. There is this comfortableness to our relationship but it is a good comfort. I know he'll always be there and that he's the person I want to marry because he'll never knowingly upset me. He's the type to talk everything out and he usually cries just as much as I do when we have disagreements. Honestly, I love finding out how smart he is when we argue because our disagreements are never angry or mean.
Everyone has arguments but he should not annoy you. Soon the annoying things he does may get worse and you will hate whatever he does, says, or thinks. Comfort is good when you are in love, but you will know when you are truly in love. You'll feel your heart pound at the sight of him doing the dishes or cleaning the car and you'll LOVE those annoying things he does - just because they're his.
Try to confront him and perfect your relationship. Talk everything out - concerns, questions, hopes. Just remember that love can be hard to find so don't take what you've got for granted if you can make it work.
ge
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A
female
reader, peggypoo  +, writes (1 July 2010):
Sweetheart you need a time out. You have to loosen that family bonding. Many people feel almost compelled to stay in a relationship because you dont just want to hurt your boyfriend, but feel guilty for deserting a family who opened their doors to you. Its that pressure that results in alot of stress and failed marriages. Theres nothing wrong with a time out if you explain to him how you need time to square things out in your head. During that time out, call him from time to time and bring up to him the climax situation. Youre in a tough spot because other than the climax thing you seem to have a winner. But you shouldnt deprive yourself of experiences one of natures wonderful experiences like experiencing an orgasm. Do you wanna be 50 and still yet know what its like? It may be one of the silliest reasons to break up, but lets face it, youre entitled to get yours if hes getting his. A time out will also let his family know that things DO happen in relationships and it wont be that hard should you have to move on permanently. Families always effect relationships. Theres been plays going back 400 years about family pressure such as Romeo and Juliet and Othello. It will be good for everyone trust me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2010): One can never know whether or not they are in love and some believe love is just an untrue desire that cannot ever be found. But I believe you can see if he is the best guy for you by sitting down and talking when you can about anything, you might even find something you never knew about him. Also I try to picture myself with some other guy besides my boyfriend and it doesn't right with anyone but him. I suggest to stay with him for a while and see if something new pops up that will make your decision but if you don't think you can live with him for the rest of your life you can try just being friends, even though that never worked with my boyfriends. Communication is the key to every relationship.Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2010): I have a guy I love too, we talk about marriage and kids and it makes me happy to think of it but I have doubts whether he is the right guy. Honestly there is no for sure way to know what love is, it is an unanswered question. I believe that if you can't picture yourself happier with someone else, anybody then he is right for you. I suggest to stay with him for a while if you think he might be right for you but take it easy and just try to focus on each other feelings and talking to him you might find something out about him that you didn't know that would make the decision for you. Communication is the key to the best relationship.
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A
female
reader, ladyjaye +, writes (30 June 2010):
 well there is a lot of confusion here! i would suggest that you take a step back or even take a break from the relationship and figure out what your feelings are... maybe you are in love with the idea of the relationship but not in love with him. everyone comes to a time in their relationship when they feel as if they are a bit stuck in a rutt as in they dont go on dates anymore or their sex life isnt as wild or wanting. i would also suggest that if it is bothering you that he wont give you oral sex you try using sex toys to help bring some fun and maybe even show you a new way to climax. i believe that it is as important for a woman to reach orgasm as much as it is a man and if he isnt considering your pleasure then that could be a bigger issue later down the line. i think that it may help to have some more chemistry so you dont lose desire for one another, a healthy sex life is very important for couples in bonding and exploring one another.. also make an effort to suggest reasons to get out of the house, even if its "do you fancy going to the shop?" anything that will give you some alone time so you can talk things through. if its possible let him come to yours if there is less going on there so that you can have this time together. Good luck!
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (30 June 2010):
 It's hard to enjoy sex and fully let go when you don't have your own place. If he doesn't like giving oral, will he finger your clit? Does he last long enough and can he delay ejaculation? It takes two people to learn how to pleasure each other. Just because you can't cum with him now doesn't mean you can't forever. Rather than demand oral sex, I would wait for him to do it when he's ready himself. A guy can't make you happy. He can just top it off when you are already happy. Have you thought about how to love yourself while you are waiting to see him again? Honestly I don't think there is anything wrong in your relationship. I think the type of love you are having is real love, and your journey together hasn't even started yet. Continue showing him gratitude and you can never go wrong by smiling more often. Fake it until you make it. What's wrong with pizza and tv? Volunteer to make one yourself with my favorite recipe: pine nuts, spinach with nutmeg, tomato paste, mozzarella, mushroom, yum! Relax and sit by him while you tease him tickling his back and neck.
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female
reader, tamara_r +, writes (30 June 2010):
 Hm Ive just gone throught that feeling before with my last bf although only 6months with..I questioned what you have aswell..in the end whether you decide to stick it out or not only time and fate will tell if things work out. I stuck it out at the time because I wanted to make it work and felt that there was no one else in the world who would treat me like a princess as well, and having an emotional attachment to him. Long story short things didnt work out but we're still good friends..our circumstances just changed. To me it sounds like you love this guy and also have that attachment but seems like your getting bored with knowing how the time spent together will be played out. Also him still living with family may be now getting to you because you feel that the time you two do spend isnt alone together, despite the family being so caring towards you and vice versa. You should always talk to ir significant other about your concerns and how you both can improve and spice up the romance like going out to dinner once a month or something, and then abojt the intimate stuff you.d like to explore etc. I do believe you love him but if you feel at times like your settling then odds are that is correct. See with my ex I still wanted to work through things even when it was going to become long distance because of our schooling at college. We promosed one another we would never keep each other from pursing our careers for one. So I guess fate had it that we didnt last as a couple for the time being anyway and fortunately are still good friends. Recently I met someone who blew my mind with his sincerety and treating me as any woman deserves. This proves that there are other fish in the sea who can be just as loving as your now bf. Remember whether you stick out or not, whether things work or not, it doesnt mean you wont find that again..and best case scenerio you can still have someone to talk to as a friend and who knows down the road. Hope this helps!
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (30 June 2010):
 I think you are experiencing what we all feel after the 'newness" of a romantic relationship begins to wane. There is always thethrill of the encounter stage then the fast breath of the sexual stage but then there is an "aftrglow" that by definition fades. Don't try to over-thing your feelings be compfortable for a while you sound young. you have years and years ahgead to be uncompfortable so " let it ride.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2010): I'm a guy so I don't know if my perspective is the same as a girls. But, I would say that if you can't achieve climax with him and you are just "comfortable" in the relationship, then you can continue to try and make it work and most likely will be able to, but the spark and excitement of being in love is a lot different from what you seem to be describing. Even though it is a painful thought to breakup and lose him or even sadden him, you should pursue what you feel is right and not just justify or accept the current status quo. Not to mention, it sounds like to me he isn't putting forth the amount of effort that someone who loves you should or would. I'm not saying you should breakup with him, but maybe you two should sit down and talk these things over and see if you can solve these issues, its better to voice them and bring them into the light to deal with than hide them. It sounds like there is a potential for a great healthy relationship, and a sign that it's worth it will be if you can overcome these obstacles and keep reigniting the love. If the problems continue and he isn't willing to make changes, leave him and find someone who cares enough to make the same effort to please you as you do for him. Hope I offered some help, good luck.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2010): Now this I know the answer to! I have the same personal problem. I realized I'm more comfortable that really in love with him. The realization came to me when he started talking about having kids and being married right away, HEY i'm only 21 i have alot of life to live and all that is cool just not in the moment of my life. Sometimes its just better to focus on your wants and you needs. He sounds like a great guy but you wouldnt be questioning your relationship if you were in love with him. Its better to grasp your individuality now then it is to wait and become more attatched to later realize it wasnt worth it. WAY to many people make that mistake! dont be the percentage of them
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