A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Over 3 years ago a man contacted me on a dating site. he was in despair and lonely because his wife was having an affair and his first reaction was to find someone new himself.He soon realised he really loved her and through her manipulations, that even her family admit to, she manages to persuade him she lves him just long enough to get what she wants, keep control, then back to her lover.I was not on a dating site to date, but it had a friendship component and H decided he would like to keep in touch as a friend. We only met for coffee twice in 3 years but he used me like a counsellor and friend, listened to my problems as I listened to his. On one occasion he texed me to say he had just sat in the car with the exhaust piped through the window because he could not stand the stress of living with his wife having an affair and the ups and downs of her promises. We had no romantic interest in each other.About a year ago he was diagnosed with prostate cancer, she left him alone most of the time so he chatted to me by text and online and we filled a gap in each others lives. He had to have a full radical prostatectomy, which for those that don't know, often renders a man impotent, cannot have an erection.My friend is under intense treatment to try to regain the ability to have an erection, pills, pump, injections. He may never enjoy sex again, but there is also hope he will. His wife will not allow him near her, in fact they sleep seperately.I have only ever had sex with 2 men in my life, my 1st and 2nd exes. In fact my 2nd ex had erectile dysfunction so I am used to not having full penetration and got over the frustations years ago. I am 56 and my friend is 62.We had a coffee together again about 3 weeks ago and I felt his despair. He had not asked or expected any more from me, but as we kissed goodbye I found myself saying I would enjoy his closeness and he could share mine.Last week we tried to have sex and he was overwhelmed. Even though he was not hard, I could get him to orgasm and according to what I have read on the subject, for his body to heal, he stands the best chance having a woman by him rather than masturbation.He is not deceitful, but I have noticed he deceives or does not know himself now whether his wife is worth it. She contunues to leave him and sleep with her boyfriend.Since we became so close we keep texting and although I started this with no expectations I am now confused. Have I turned myself into somebody's mistress? I accept he is married, but I have no religion and I don't appear to have broken anything between a couple.I would like the opinion of others please.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (5 June 2010):
 Your doing nothing wrong except showing kindness and love to a man who desperately needs it.
Problem is, you have feelings too, and this man is in love with his wife and that means he will never be fully yours.
Your choice, you deserve better, a nice man of your own, try the dating site again... However, it's nice to be liked and it does help push away the lonlieness.
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