A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi, Im in a real mess and need some direction. After being married 20 years which has been loveless for 10 years and had 2 children from it, ive developed a relationship with a lady whom I love so much that perhaps my judgment is clouded. She has had a very difficult life compared to my own comfortable upbringing, and is basically now a vivacious good time girl whom I feel drawn to. I have felt driven into making her financially secure, moving her into a nice flat, clearing her debts, sorting out bailiffs, and paying for most things. I really don’t know what I want from the relationship or why im doing it. I am intensely jealous of any male she meets or talks to, demanding 100% attention when in her company. I think about her all the time to the determent off everything around me, having long lunch breaks to see her, taking her on business trips etc. She looks after me, fulfilling my attention seeking needs but I still can’t get enough of her.I still live at home during the week, but live in the flat at the weekends, which is putting an immense strain on all the relationships, especially with my wife and daughter. Am I heading for a big fall, probably, but cannot resist seeing her. Be honest. What do I do ?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2011): From what u describe you are actually exchanging sexual favours for her financial upkeep. Your mistress is milking you but u are too blinded by the sex to realise it.
Not only is your finances being depleted but you will end up divorced , with regrets while your lover moves on to the next fatherly figure who rewards her for her sexual delivery.
Think Mr, before it is too late. Right now, you are just an old fool whose funds are being depleted bec of sexual favours.
This is a gold digger and the sooner u realise it, the quicker you can get your life together.
LoveGirl
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks DrPsych, That's good advice and has put in words what i feel, I think. I will stop some of the lifestyle funding and see what happens. Im sick of buying stuff for the flat anyway, I hate fuchsia! Mind you her daughter is now becoming attached to me. I also now feel a responsibility to her not to abandon her mother and let things slide back. She is a nice girl who with encouragement and mentoring is now doing well. On the leaving home bit, whilst I agree something's got to happen, I feel its unfair for me to have to leave because my wife cannot afford to run such a house as she has no income, and considering I paid for it, it doesn't seam fair. Also I don't want to see my children in a small flat somewhere. Suppose that's just the technicalities of separating.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2011): What do you do? You make a choice. You sound like a good guy so it'll probably be the hardest choice you've ever had to make so don't rush it.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (4 March 2011):
 Your marriage maybe loveless, but you should demonstrate some respect for your wife, kids and not least yourself. You must have loved your wife once. She is entitled to go out and find someone else if the marriage is over. If the relationship is over, leave home and formalise the separation to set yourself and your wife free from each other. It cannot possibly be a nice environment for your children to be growing up in if they know their parents are so troubled. Your mistress is just that - it is a mutually servicing of needs. You pay for her lifestyle and she listens to you and takes care of physical needs. It is as close to the oldest profession in the world as it gets. It just sounds as if you are paying out an awful lot more in financial terms for her lifestyle than men who use escorts. It is also money that could be saved for your children's education or future. They are the victims in this situation. Your mistress settles for being the other woman because she is happy for you to write the cheques. She puts up with your needy, obsessive behaviour because she has had a hard life and thinks it is somewhat better when sponsored by you. If she had any self respect then she wouldn't allow you to pay for everything - it frankly isn't decent. However, there are plenty of free loaders in the world who are happy to take in people with emotional difficulties and open their piggy banks. If you think she is your perfect woman, tell her that you are having financial troubles and cannot pay for anything again (or for a while). Invent a family crisis if you must. See if she sticks around after the money dries up or offers to help you out - that is the test of a real relationship.
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