A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend and I have been in a relationship for just over ten months (April 27th was the 10th). Recently, her mood towards our relationship has completely polarized. Initially, we've been very close and we even admitted to loving one another after about 4 months. In early April, she seemed to be in a very bad mood. She explained to me that it was simply the time of the month for her and I did my best to cheer her up; I shrugged off her emotional distance as part of her cycle. It seemed odd because she had never been so affected before but seemed very edgy and unhappy this particular time. I've been worried since weeks after her cycle had ended she continued being in an unpleasant mood and generally didn't seem happy most of the time. She's also been slowly pushing me away as we see each other less and less each week and now we'll even go several days without talking and weeks without seeing each other.I did bring up the issue with her in the most supportive way I could, promising to do what I could to help fix the problem so we could be together again. Eventually she told me that I had been smothering her and she was in a bad mood lately because we've been seeing each other too much. I can admit that I am a very loving person and I enjoy talking to my girlfriend whenever I can and being around her, but I never considered myself as smothering. Her feelings bother me even more as we only ever got together twice per week at most and sometimes went ten or more days without being together although we talked almost every day. However, I know that her feelings are out of my hands so I offered a sort of compromise; I offered to give her some distance for a while and she could just call me when she starts to miss me again. It has been almost a week and we've not spoken once; this separation is very agonizing and I'm losing sleep because I miss her so much. She is the woman I'd like to be with for the rest of my life and I'm head over heels for her, but what can this behavior say about her feelings towards me? If seeing each other twice a week is already too much for her then what should I expect in a long term relationship where we are sharing a home? I'm even terrified to say that I love her anymore because it might just scare her off. Of course I'll have to let her go if she decides she wants to end it but I need to make sure I've done everything I can to try and keep up together. She still says she loves me but how can that be the truth if she's happier when we're apart? I feel so utterly rejected and disappointed by her; more so because her last boyfriend was around for 3 years and treated her horribly. How can a considerate, supportive and loving man like myself be so second rate to another man who holds her back and does nothing but cheat on her and cause trouble in her life? Ever since we've stopped talking I can't feel happy and every day just brings new tides of anguish washing over me as I dread the phone call where we end up breaking apart; please let me know if anyone here believes there is a chance I'm not grasping at an already decomposing relationship. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, serenity80  +, writes (5 May 2010):
You are being too intense. She said herself that you were smothering her. Smothering someone is BAD! Listen to her carefully. The way you are behaving, is destroying your relationship.
She needs to be able to MISS YOU when you're not around. That is what causes ATTRACTION and a desire for her to want to be with you. When she pulls away, let her. Stop making her your world, instead use the time to see friends, and take up activities and interests that make you MORE interesting. The more exciting and full your life is, the more she will want to be a part of it.
You can TOTALLY turn around this relationship and get her attraction back, but you need to be able to calm down on being so full on with her. Have some confidence that if you give her some space, she ain't going to forget about you, but rather miss you and want to be with you.
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