A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Like another problem I read earlier mine is similar. I recently met a man who was only widowed two years ago. He flies off the handle quite quickly and seems to take offense easily when none is meant. Its understandable when he saw his wife slipping away over the years and I feel very very sorry for him. The trouble is I too have got emotionally involved quickly although I havent known him long. he doesnt want all this "love" I have which I can/do understand also. Obviously he isnt over it yet and he isnt ready for a permanent relationship and I think he would prefer many girl friends-with no emotional involvement.Like a previous problem on here I am wondering whetherit is kinder if I got out of his life becasue I think he is finding my "emotional love" too much I thought he would want/need it but obviously doesnt!! and I do not think I am being fair on him - so had I better get out of his life? I do not think I am helping him by being like this. I cant help the way I feel and obvious he cant help he is either but I am not doing him good I fear. Thanks. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2008): Hi
you sound like a very kind lady and maybe you just need t be patient....however if he flys off the handel so easy , this could just be his nature and you are justifying it???? i see warning bells.....or maybe he has not come to terms with his wifes death....maybe one thing you could do....it is a bit strangeif you have no knowledge of this area ,but offer to take him t a spiritualist church....communications with the afterlife?????? but you wuld have to be diligent in your search for a good medium...there are many of these churches around just lok n the net. ( just an idea god fr some...bad idea for others)
be kind to yurself too....you deserve respect and love and it'snever to late to find it...maybe you should go on your wn wh knws you may well just meet some new male freinds..and they are not all widows that attend.
good luck
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2008): If my wife died I'd be hurt by someone else loving me. Its meant to be flattering I know, but its almost like you'd feel guilty about it, and you just couldn't cope.
I don't know about you, but thats how I'd feel anyway.
If you don't think you are helping him, back off. Its a traumatic experience for a loved one to die, particularly if it was a long, slow and one filled with suffering. I'm not blaming you by all means. It is extremely hard to cope with ones feelings.
Personally I'd back off. As I said with the other one, write him a letter saying how sorry you are for it, and that you just want to care about him and be friends. You just want to help him through. He might, because he knows of your past feelings, not want anything to do with you. Which will hurt. You could just back off, but say to him you're here if he wants you.
Thinking about it, I'd choose the second option.
As I said, I don't think being with him is a option. It is hard but you can as I said be there for him. Its a particularly hard and difficult situation.
Just remember there will be someone out there who will love you unconditionally, and will be looking out for you in the same way as you are him now.
Sorry I couldn't bring you better news,,
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