A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I left my ex because he has a temper, wasn't putting the effort into the relationship. That was nearly 5 months ago, we where only together for 6. After we broke up, he went through a few periods of talking to me and not talking to me. He didn't take the breakup easy. A month or so after we broke up i left the country and won't be back until new year. Before I left, he told me he wanted to go no contact. We did, but he got back in touch a few weeks later. We've had a few conversations online in the last few months, all but one initiated by him. Today he told me he was unhappy how we left things when I left, and that he was going to work on making it right when I comeback. What do you think he means? Am I getting my hopes up for nothing?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit  +, writes (13 November 2013):
 This guy has a temper and put no effort into a relationship which only survived 6 months, which, I would like to point out, should be the best time ever in a new, exciting relationship!
He's manipulative, first he wants no contact, then he contacts you, then he doesn't!
He's contacting you because he wants to see if you'll speak to him and you do, all the time. Trust me, for him this is all about control, he is controlling you, keeping you thinking about him, wearing you down, making you doubt your own decision to leave, making you believe that he's changed!
He hasn't changed.
If you go home and meet up he will try to convince you to try again, he'll make a whole heap of promises he won't keep and you will find it so much harder to leave the second time!
You are young and in love with the man you thought he was or would like him to be. I agree with Aunty Honeypie, cut ALL contact for GOOD. Block his calls, change your number, delete and block him on Facebook and all other social networking sites you may use and warn your friends to do the same.
Then go and live your life and hopefully you'll meet a lovely guy who's worthy of you.
I hope this helps AB x
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 November 2013):
 Yes, I think he is all talk no action.
I understand that you KNEW he wouldn't change so you left, but then after you left you let him "linger" in your life, making YOU doubt your decision to leave.
Unless he gets help for the "temper" (or anger issues) it's not GOING to change. He might WANT to change (so he can get you back) but that doesn't mean he WILL change long term. Specially if he doesn't work on the ROOT of his issues. It's not a instant fix or an easy one. SAYING he will CHANGE and actually WORKING to change are two VERY different things.
Why do you still talk to him? Because you feel a little bad for leaving? Do you feel you owe him contact? DO you think that IF you just LOVE him enough (and he loves YOU enough) everything will be great?
I think you need to look at your reason to keep the contact going.
YOU were ONLY dating 6 months and it wasn't some GREAT 6 months if he had "temper" issues and he didn't put forth any effort. Walking away WAS the right thing for you.
Seems to me that he likes the chase, but he still isn't REALLY putting forth an effort - it's all words and promises.
I'd CUT the contact 100% and work on moving on.
You are still young and going through bad relationships CAN happen, but going BACK to a bad one, isn't a good direction.
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