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Am I gay, bisexual or just confused?

Tagged as: Gay relationships, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (17 August 2013) 2 Answers - (Newest, 2 September 2013)
A male Canada age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I need advice from the gay community. I have always been fascinated by the female body, their anatomy, their ability of being able to multiple and intense orgasms and being capable to be stimulated by their clit or vagina. I think I would have liked to be a girl instead of a guy. I get very much turned on thinking what it would be like to have sex as a girl, you know, to know how sex feels like, masturbation. i constantly watch porn about real solo female orgasms.however a don't get aroused at all with males but the tought of being submissive and being penetrated turns me so much on. I recently went to a massage parlour and got a prostate massage. I reached an intense orgasms being stimulated by a girl. now I can't keep my toughts away from wearing some of my gf lingerie and get again to be stimulated while I'm thinking I'm a girl. Im very masculine, I get only aroused by females and I love my girlfriend. I have all my life being straight but always curious about how would it be to be a girl. I'm so confused right now. does that makes me gay, bisexual or what??

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A female reader, Aunty Babbit United Kingdom +, writes (2 September 2013):

Aunty Babbit agony auntI don't think you're gay or bi-sexual.

I think you are a man who would enjoy dressing up and role playing as a woman for sexual gratification. This is sometimes classed as a fetish.

Men who enjoy this fetish like to dress in sexy lingerie, wear make up and imagine they're a woman. Some enjoy being penetrated with a "strap on" or dildo.

You are clearly male, with male hormones and desire women but have some cross dressing tendencies.

I wouldn't borrow you're girlfriends clothes without her permission you may have to invest in some of your own, unless you feel that your g/f may be open minded to this and prepared to experiment with you.

She might be willing and be as turned on by this as you then again she may not like seeing you dressed as a woman.

Only you know how she may react and how you want to explore this side of you. There are on-line groups of like minded chaps and lasses where you can chat about this in more depth, but be selective as some are seedier than others.

If after a while, you realise this is what you're about, I think you may need to share it with your partner.

I hope this helps AB x

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A female reader, Euphoric29 Germany +, writes (17 August 2013):

Dear OP,

Your fantasies makes you neither gay or bisexual. Because you don't fantasize about having an intimate relationship or sex with a man.

What you describe is called a fantasy or fetish with gender role-play and/or feminization. And a preference/curiosity for passive anal sex, which doesn't only occur in gay people or people with your fetish. This also has nothing to do with your straight sexual orientation.

I knew a person with similar preferences as you, and after years he came out as being transgender and feeling more like his soul is female. But in your case I think it's rather a sexual thing so far.

Okay, now that we've established this, I want to tell you two things:

1) your porn consumption can affect your fantasies and making them more extreme. while at the same time making you more unhappy about your sex life. reconsider if your amount of porn consumption doesn't start to be problematic.

2) going to a massage parlour and getting a prostate massage is some kind of cheating - at least for me it is! You say you love your girlfriend, so please let your actions be proof of that. Yes, it's kind of difficult to be honest about what you want to do in bed. But honesty's still better than keeping secrets. Talk to your girlfriend, please. And don't get used to sexual satisfaction being a service that you can consume online or by paying for it.

Good luck.

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