A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating my current boyfriend for four years. When we first started dating, I found him to be extremely handsome, intelligent, and funny. However, from the beginning, I did notice that he had a slight drinking problem, was prone to random bursts of anger towards me, and I found out that I was the first girlfriend that he has ever had. Now, I'm not sure I'm in love with him anymore. Picking up after him is extremely annoying, and I feel that I am always taking care of him, not the other way around. Also, I' not sure if he's still in love with me or just with me out of convenience- I just get the vibe that he's not that interested in our relationship and in me. Also, he doesn't want to have sex with me anymore and frankly, I'm relieved by it because the sex is not good. Finally, it's always about him and our conversations rarely are about me. However, I do still feel that I love him and that I could possibly spend the rest of my life with him- we do get along well usually and he still makes me laugh.The reason I have started to question our relationship was directly caused by recent discovery I may like someone at work. I see this guy every day, have known him for years, and he is really cute and funny and really seems to care about what I think. I also find him to be very physically attractive. However, he's a big flirt (with everyone) and a little materialistic and vain. I'm not saying I want to date this guy... but just realizing that I'm even attracted to someone else makes me feel like it's possible I'm not in love with my current boyfriend.Any advice on what I should do would be appreciated!
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female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (16 August 2009):
It's common to fall out of love after 3 years or so. You still love the person, but you are no longer IN LOVE with them.
But unless they cheat or do something crazy like hit you, then you have no real REASON to split up with them to you stay with them getting ever so slightly unhappier every day.
This is what happened to me with my first boyfriend. I still had all the thoughts that he was the one I could be with forever. And I could probably have stayed and put up with him for a few more years....
But when I did split up with him, I felt so incredibly free, like a giant weight had lifted off me. He came back a week later and said the same thing. (Although I secretly wanted him to be gutted and in tears at my loss, I was glad for him.)
The trick is to not wait till you want to cheat (and if this guy likes you too then there WILL come a time when you are alone and something wants to happen) but knowing when to say to your boyfriend "look, we've had a good run, but neither of us are happy, so lets just end it now like adults on friendly terms rather than wait for bitterness to set in."
Good Luck!! xx
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