A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi I'm 21 and I have a husband and a 8 my month old little boy. I am in serious need of some guidance. Basically it been married to my husband for 4 months now and he's making me feel like I don't do enough. I get up in the night to feed our baby, I pretty much do everything baby related, I do the washing up when I can, I change all his nappies, do the washing. I asked my husband tonight to wash up our baby's bottles and he did them but was moaning the whole time. He doesn't have a job and every time I ask him to look for a job he moans at me. Am I expecting too much not to be moaned at? I just don't know what to do any more please help!!!!! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (13 November 2014):
 Was he like this before you married him, or is this a new behaviour?
Did you live together before you got married? Where did he live?
How long have you been together as a couple?
If he is the same age as you (21) then realistically he is still in the mindset of a teenager, and wants to slob about the house and have his mother run around after him.
You did marry very young, and I am not judging you for that, but this is the kind of pitfall that can happen - he really just is still an immature child, and really was not ready for such a massive commitment.
He now needs to man up, grow some balls and take responsibility for his family. He is a HUSBAND AND FATHER now, not a selfish teenager. He has responsibilities, which HE CHOSE to take on.
My advice, is to tackle it head on. Tell him, that he has a responsibility to you and your child. He isn't working so he needs to pull his weight around the house.
Tell him he either helps around the house, or gets a job.
How are you funding your lifestyle?
If he moans about this, then don't run about after him. If his pants don't get washed, that isn't your problem. He is capable of putting them in himself. If you don't get time to cook his dinner - well that is tough too, he could do it himself. Make you and your child your priority.
Did his mother run about after him? Is he used to having a slave do all the work?
A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke +, writes (13 November 2014):
 He sounds very lazy. He should be sharing the chores 50/50 with you if he's not working.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2014): Seems you married a child. No, you are not wrong for expecting more from him. May I ask, how are you two financially keeping up? Does he not realize the trouble you two could be in with him unemployed? Sit him down and tell it to him straight. Tell him what you told us and more. If he complains and cannot see the error of his ways, do less for him and focus on taking care of yourself and your son. You can retain some energy thst way. Yeah, possibly awful advice because I am telling you to neglect your husband if he does not step up to the plate - but I do not see how counseling will help without punching a hole in your wallet and eating up time you do not have.
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