A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:HelloI am looking for some advice or maybe someone who has been there too.I am so extremely utterly confused. I have been with my bf for a little over a year. I have realised I don't trust him. When we first got together he was a jack the lad and went out all the time, flirted and face booked women. This happened for the first 2 months we were together. He assures me he never cheated and I believe him BUT I think that's only because maybe the other party knew he was seeing someone. Anyway long story short I was going to leave him but he begged for a chance to show me what I meant and that he'd change. He has! For the last year he has been wonderful and treated me lovely. Problem is I thought I'd trust him by now and I still don't. I can't seem to let go of the past. I don't think he emails girls or anything like that I just worry he will cheat in the future. Also I don't think we're totally compatible, we can sit watching tv for ages in silence, sometimes I try so hard to make conversation. His family says he is just like that and feels comfortable. I love him but would love more conversation. I feel I am boring to him as he doesn't talk much. Help! I'm so sorry to go on but I feel overwhelmed and I have found out I'm pregnant. Even though we love each other I am conscious that we don't laugh together like other couples. I feel I want to be on my own. Am I expecting too much?Any thoughts anything will be hugely appreciated.Thanks in advance.
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male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (3 February 2013):
 First off relax. A lot of what you are feeling is probably because you are pregnant and now you and your boyfriend are now bound to one another -- for at least the rest of your lives.
Your boyfriend had every right to facebook and chat with other women -- BEFORE you were in a committed relationship. Once the relationship turns exclusive and committed, those types of activities must stop. It sounds like he has played and lived up to the rules. The fact that you don't trust him is because he didn't fall head over heels in love with you at first site and you doubt the sincerity of his feelings. If you have lasted this long with one another, it is obvious that your bond is fairly strong and you do have something that you share together.
As far as a lack of conversation: a lot of time that is NORMAL. It means he is comfortable with you. Sometimes long-married couples don't speak much, but they know each other's feelings by their demeanor or non-vocal expressions. He obviously enjoys spending time with you and doesn't feel like he needs to fill the time with pointless conversation. That is a sign of contentment.
If you need to have more vocal communication, I suggest going for a walk in a park or do it over a candlelight dinner. Don't expect conversation in the middle of TV program. Also you can stimulate the conversation not by talking about yourself but by asking HIM questions. Ask his goals, plans and about his day and watch him reveal himself.
Hopefully you won't throw away a relationship because of your insecurities. Unless you have evidence to the contrary, I think you have found a decent man.
Eddie
A
female
reader, Soldierette +, writes (2 February 2013):
 sounds an interesting case..well love all i can say is if u dont trust him what are u doing wondering if u should give it another go??if u cant trust him be honest with him coz living life like this is not fair on you OR him..if he has changed n he has shown u that n u still cnt trust him then its not fair on him to be doing all these things for u n not being able to have u trust himmore its not fair on u to be living a relationship with someone who u cnt trust always wandering in ur minddoubt is the killer in any relationship and once it starts its very hard to stop it.. it kills any future and any hope of life being normal..i think what u need to do is really sit down n talk properly about how u feel with him..i have met people in ym life where they just dont talk but they feel comfortable doing things like watching tv etc but communication is the key essntial thing to make any relationship work..as for the baby love only u know whats best for u n no one can force u to make any dicision but please ask yourself is a child life worth it if u cant trust the man? plz think bout the child it doesnt need to be bought up in a world wer the parents hate each other or dont trust each other or futhermore cnt even talk to each other..baby deserves mother father happy home with lots of love..n nothing but that..if u cant get ur relationship sorted out i wouldnt bring a baby into it, it would just put handcuffs on 2 people who might just need to go their seperate ways....good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2013): I'm in the exact same predicement I'm with a man who I love and share a child with. I have known him for three years been dating him for five months, and I don't trust him at all, he has a history of cheating and as the saying goes once a cheater always a cheater. I'm not saying people cannot change but the past does have a bearing on the future, if you can't trust your partner then I'm afraid the relationship is Inevitably doomed, there was always be that doubt when he's not around what's he doing now, is he really at his friends like he says he is? is he really working late? why isn't he replying to my text, is he with another woman?Do you really want to spend your life worrying about his whereabouts because of trust issues? If that is so then you have to Evaluate your relationship and now that your pregnant you need to do what's best for your child.
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