A
female
age
30-35,
*ltravoilet
writes:My bf and I have been dating 6months in a LDR. It is going wonderful, we have trust, we see each other every 2months for 2 weeks and talk and play games for a few hours every evening. Problem: he is a little shy to take the initiative. I know when something is bothering him or when there is an issue at hand but he, like the typical women I know, avoid the topic completely until I give him no choice. Then we sort it out in a matter of minutes and voila! He feels good, I feel good. This may sound pathetic but when we both log in on skype I always call first. I have discussed that it would be nice for him to call me once in a while and decided to let him have the initiative. 6 hours later I'm still waiting. I always ask before I call if he's in the mood or not busy and he normally says its ok. Now I'm getting suspicious that he cant be bothered to talk anymore. He complains that silence is awkward yet he never tries to make conversation but when we do its very entertaining and is very smooth. Sexually he is the same - I have to give him "permission" to touch me, to go to the next step. In the beginning its understandable and sex is mind blowing when he finally gets so into it he loses all his worries. He said he's scared of being rejected but c'mon after 6months i would have thought that to have changed and I'm finding it less appealing to have sex with him anymore. I want to feel needed. I want him to be so aroused that he makes the first move. Frankly, its boring being the initiator and he promised to work through it and I've been gentle and understanding the whole time but secretly harboring these resentments. Early days still i love him, but not IN love with him but this can grow and go places if only he learnt to to not be so scared around me. What am I doing wrong? PLZ help me!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2010): You need to let him know how you are feeling instead of hiding your feelings. Tell him this first so he realises that other people, too, can feel rejected.
When you discuss this, tell him it's really important to you that he contacts you next and then leave him to contact you. Then the ball is in his court.
Either he will contact you and you will be pleased, or he won't and you will then have to decide whether you want to keep doing all the work (sorry to be cynical but often the case with women) or leave it and find someone you feel appreciates you more.
But make sure you tell him your feelings first.
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