A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating a guy for two months. We met in my work where he was a customer. He attracted to me on his visits and I looked forward to seeing him every weekend, on his shopping trips. However, as we started dating, he expressed his fondness for me, and I realised that his feelings for me are much much stronger than mine are for him. Despite this, we are going well apart from the sexual aspect. We have recently played with each other and enjoyed ourselves. Thing is, he has been asking for it and becoming unhappy when I turn him down. I explained to him it's because I am 'not in the mood' but I think it's more the fact I am not fully sexually active and my feelings toward him aren't very strong. I have also objected to staying over/sleeping together and he is being funny over it. Why does he want to play with me much more than I with him? Is it a usual thing for him to want it so frequently? Am I dating the wrong guy if I don't want to play as often as he does or have feelings as strong as him toward me? Please help!
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2010): Well, you have only been going out for two months, so I don't think you should expect to feel madly in love or anything like that just yet. Although deep feelings can develop quickly for some people, for others it takes time. Time to get to know the other person, to spend time with them, to grow fond of them. So the fact that you are not sure what your feelings for him are exactly is okay and normal in my opinion.
I think it could be that you are both wanting to take things at a different pace. He is obviously comfortable and ready to take things further, while you are not. Again, there is nothing wrong with this. I think you just need more time to get to know him better, and see how things develop. Until then, you are not comfortable with having sex, or being intimate or playful too much. That is okay.
I think you should explain to him that while you like him, you don't want to rush things, and would prefer to take things a bit slower. If he really cares for you and respects you, he should be willing to wait. Yes, he may feel frustrated if he wants to have sex now, but you should both be willing for that to happen. If you are not ready, he should either accept that and wait, or if he can't he should move on.
So try that, try and explain that you want to take things slower. But don't feel pressured into doing anything you are not comfortable with or not ready for. If he gets funny about it, or puts pressure onto you, he doesn't sound very understanding or caring after all, and that might give you a better picture of him and the relationship.
A
male
reader, Kenj +, writes (17 August 2010):
 Nothing you are saying is unusual. If the guy does love you then he will wait for sex and not keep pressuring you. Just tell him your not ready for sex with him yet, if he starts more pressure then he doesnt really love you that much.
Sex is not love.
If your not ready then dont do it. You may or may not grow to love him over time.
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