A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am deliberating breaking up with my girlfriend. The thought of it is killing me and I have never broken up with anyone before. I made a list of reasons for why I want to end the relationship, and a list for why I want to stay.The "reasons to end it" are at least twice as many as the "reasons to stay". Of my "reasons to stay", most are the wrong reasons, such as I don't want to hurt her or I hate the thought of her being with another guy, etc.The ONE, MAIN reason I want to stay is that this girl genuinely cares for me and loves me to death. She wants to spend forever with me. It is hard to imagine finding someone who cares for me as much as she does. However, I know this is selfish. I know (I think) that this is NOT a good reason to stay in a relationship, if it's really the only reason. I guess I just need some guidance. What do you all think? Am I crazy to throw away someone who loves me so much? Is there anyone who thinks I shouldn't break up with a girl like this? Does anyone have similar experiences?I think it's important to know that I am 23 years old and I've been dating this girl for 2.5 years. She is my first long-term girlfriend and also my 1st and only sexual partner (I am her 5th).thank you so much Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2010): I'm quite literally going through the exact same thing with my girlfriend right now. She loves me to death, but I've finally come to realize that I just don't feel the same way for her anymore. I also went through this same situation with previous relationships, and while it may have hurt at the time, it was the right thing for me to do.
You may not love her anymore, but it does show you still care for this girl by not wanting to hurt her. However, the the best thing to do is to cut each other free.
If the feeling isn't mutual anymore, and you can't see any practical reasons left for staying in the relationship, it's time (in my mind) to move on.
Sometimes it's best to stick to your gut. Even though you care for her, it sounds like you've made up your mind to leave. I can honestly say, that considering circumstances, it will be for the best.
It will get better. Relationships are never mistakes, we all desire the feeling to be loved, and even in those that fail there's always much to learn.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2010): It's really hard to say. There's not enough reasons on here why you are considering breaking up with her so without knowing some of those reasons I can't be much help.
You in heart know what's best. If you're breaking up with her because you are incompatible on some level that isn't going to change, then maybe it's for the best.
If it's typical relationship issues that can be worked on, then may you can work it out if you also love her. Are you going through a phase of " doubt" (totally normal) or are you really thinking she's not right for you because something with her personality/interests/life, etc.? I'm not sure.
I mean if you truly don't care to be with her, you can't force it. It will end sooner or later...
Sorry for not being much help. Just try to listen to your heart.
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