A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So there is this boy and we've had an off and on relationship but i really care about him. We just got back together like a couple days ago, well we agreed on it because we don't see eachother much, so the next time we see other we'll make it official.I was on facebook the other night and he commented on my pictures telling me i'm pretty, beautiful, he loves it...etc.About a year ago when we weren't in a relationship yet and he was my crushh He added my cousin on facebook and chatted with her. I was so upset because they don't know eachother and it made me mad. I guess you can say i was jealous, but i knew he was flirting with her. But at that time i had no say because he wasn't my boyfriend but i did tell him it was not good to add people you don't knoww.Last night my cousin went on my pictures and saw a comment he wrote, "She's mine". I'm not supposed to have a boyfriend because of my religion/parents, but i love this boy, so i made an exception. My cousin comments and is all like who is yours? ;)She comes on chat and is all like Mike is an asshole, don't talk to him, you're better than him and i thought you guys weren't talking(Mike and I didn't talk for like 4 months), We just recently started. And i was like we are. and then she said she added him. I'M LIKE WHY????? She's like i'm giong to tell you to back off. I'm like She doesn't even know him. It's my business.So i sent Mike a message telling him my cousin added him and that i don't want the same drama that happened last year to start again. Because of our culture/religion Mike told me he wants to keep our relationship secret and i'm okay with that i understand because i don't want my parents to find out either. So i told hiim just like he doesn't want his family to know i don't want mine either. I told him i can't delete my cousin, SHE IS MY COUSIN, you block her so she can't see anything. I wrote him that thinking he would understand, but he added her anyways. WHY would he add her??? She doesn't even live in the same country! It makes me so upset, I asked him ONE thing and he couldn't even do that. How am i supposed to trust him then? He knows it bothers me but he still does it. It just makes me wonder if he really cares about me. i mean if he did why would me want me to feel like this? it’s not fun. I just don't want my family to find out and since we just got back and i already had trust issues with him, he's not making the situation any better. I mean he tells me he wants to be with me but he doesn't ever show it, if he wanted to be with me he would've never added her, you know :/The first time this happened he added her but this time she added him. He could've rejected her, i sent him a message, but he didn't listen :/What do you think about this situation? Am I being selfish? I don't know its just that i got hurt before and i can't risk it again and i really believed this time it would work out :/ I haven't talked to him yet but he never even responded to my message.Please tell me what i should do??? Who am i supposed to blame, i don't want to but i feel like its both of their faults :/
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cousin, crush, facebook, flirt, got back together, jealous Reply to this Question
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female
reader, LLindy87 +, writes (20 July 2010):
 maybe I don't have enough info here, but it sounds like you're making a mountain out of a molehill. If your cousin lives in a different country, why do you view her as a threat to this guy and yours potential relationship? Do you think maybe she has a loving reason for saying the guy is an asshole,maybe she knows something that you don't.
A
female
reader, HollieMc +, writes (20 July 2010):
 Wow, this even upsets me!
I can relate to this, not being a cousin, but my boyfriends past ex girlfriends whom i requested he didnt associate with, or add.
and he did. but now, stopped, i hope.
but i think this guy may be curious about your cousin and they may also have a "secret bond" !!
your cousin is bad news!! and it doesnt sound like your cousin is going to help your situation at ALL at all.
you need to "back off" just like you said in your passage.
because if you totally stop talking to this boy...if he really wants you. he will find a way to get you back on his mind, (since if you ignore him, he will think you are not thinking about him anymore)
just act like everything is ok. you can show your feelings of dislike, but do not get too angry.
tell him how you feel REALLY feel. tell him you thought great things of him, and blah blah blah. do not tell him too much. because for some reason he is acting like he is moving away from you. so push him away before he pushes you away. and let him come back.
if he doesnt ...hes talking to your cousin. and is content.
you could still wait for him for a little while , 'till he finds out that you are better than your cousin and he has made a mistake!!!
good GOOD luck, and i can relate, and i know how you feel.
hope it goes well!!! :)
ps. secret relationships are not good. if he chooses not to tell ppl, something is up. you need to agree to make it known, and if HE doesnt want to ... thats your answer... making something fishy. because you should be the only one not wanting your PARENTS to know.
again , good luck
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