A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend asked me to marry him a few weeks after his son left for Afghanistan for 1 year. Two days before our wedding he told me we had to wait for another year. He could not get married without his son being present. I was in total shock because of the last minute notice and nothing was going to change his mind. He left and let me pick up the pieces by myself and spent several days with his family. He ignored my phone calls. We talked several days later and he said he had his doubts about me because I had not reacted the way he expected. I heard all kind of excuses in the next 2 months and according to him, things between us were not the same anymore, mainly because it was clear he didn't want them to be the same. (I managed to put it behind me and the little time we spent together, things seemed to be as they had been before again)Eventually I forced him to make a decision, either work it out or end it. He still wanted to keep his options open and I walked out the door. Looking back, it seems to me he had second thoughts about getting married and used his son's absence as an excuse, which to me is as low as you can get.According to one of his children, he loved me very much and I made him happy. I feel used and still don't know what to think. Couldn't bring it up, because he didn't like the "drama".So...what am I supposed to think?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2009): To Lifesaver94: No, he didn't cancel because of the reason you brought up. I did ask the question "what if we postpone it and someone dies or something terrible happens just before the next date we would set."
His answer was
"that would not be the same thing, because when they are dead, they are gone."
This was not about me not being understanding, this was telling me at the last minute, never even indicating this was on his mind and then not understanding my reaction to the short notice.
A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (16 December 2009):
He was completely insensitive, and there were probably other issues, but his son excuse might be plausible. He loves his son who has gone to this terrible war zone. So his priorities may have shifted from his own happiness to wishing for his son to return alive. Him having a wedding and partying and enjoying himself may have made it feel hypocritical to him that here I am having a ball while my own son is risking his life for his country. I know its not fair to be second best and he was childish to wait until last minute, but I feel for him and I can imagine the anxiety he wakes up with each day, hoping that he won't get that visit and the letter from the army telling him the worst. So he might feel (in a twisted sort of way) that sacrificing his immediate happiness in respect of his son's service is the right thing to do. He has sort of gone into semi-mourning until the safe return of his son and has vowed not to see personal joy until that happens. I'm not saying he did the right thing, but I'm trying to give you a different perspective.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2009): excatly what your thinking now.. that you have indeed wasted your time. any man who uses his son as an excuse is a coward. TWO days before the wedding.... shit, i would sue him for half of the money... deliver the papers my self... and when he freaks say "you didn't react the way i expected".
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A
male
reader, LifeSaver94 +, writes (16 December 2009):
He's seems afraid that if he married you and his son dies protecting our country that it will be very hard on the both if. Because if you Marty him and if his don dies. Then guess what. You just lost your new son. That can be a reason. Losing somebody is never easy to deal with and if that happened you might not care as much because you don't love him as much cause you never got to know him and he'll sorrow over the death a moan to you about it and you would get so paranoid you'll divorce because you like all people in the world suspect marriage to be perfect but what do I know I'm a teenager but I hope this helps because if you do want to marry him you would respect his wishes of his son being there. Sorry if this sounds harsh but you asked and you got my opinion
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (16 December 2009):
 This got me: "he said he had his doubts about me because I had not reacted the way he expected"
tell him next time he is going to drop a bombshell he should pre warn what sort of reaction he expects so that you can ensure he gets it
Open options? after cancelling wedding plans with two days notice? Nah, I know I get grumpier the closer Christmas gets but this one I cant find any redeeming qualities to.
He didn't like the "drama" he got cancelling a wedding two days before it was supposed to happen, what did he expect, whistles and bells??
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