A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:my partner is from abroad. She has a child and when she goes back to her country to visit her parents she also allows her child to see her father. Her parents have a large two bed apartment outside of town and she stays their alone with her daughter for much of the time. She allows her ex husband (who is single and has his own apartment in town) to sometimes stay overnight in the apartment. In the past she has said that he stays overnight because he does not have a car and it is awkward for him to get home. Now he has a car and last night she wanted him to stay again. I said it was up to her, but made it clear that I was not happy about it. She subsequently told me that she sent him home without staying, but the resaon she asked was because her 7 year old daughter was upset that he was not staying. Am I being unreasonable?
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female
reader, PeanutButter  +, writes (16 April 2009):
 I'm married, I live in America, my husband and i have 2 children, each from previous relationships.My sons dad and family live in England.I don't want my husbands childs mum comming into my home, we dont go into hers, i certainally wouldnt want her staying here overnight - not because anything would happen with them two, i know it wouldnt, but simply because this is not her houe and this is not her relationship, her relationship is with her child and not with us and she cant step on our toes - she has a house of her own and 50% custody so she can do what she likes at home.As or my sons dad, he lives 4000 miles away in england. If he is to see my son my son will stay at his house, without me, and i'd sty at my mums. If he were to visit my son in america, there are plenty of hotels and bed and breakfasts where he could stay - my husband respects that he is my sons dad but would not want him staying in our home because, again, this is our home and his relationsip is with his son, not with us, and he doesnt ned to tread on my husbands toes. He (the father) doesnt drive, but we do, so least we could do is drive him back to his hotel - this is bareable on both sides and no one has to tread on toes or feel out of place. Neither my ex or his ex would feel comortable being in our home anyway.Im a firm believer of a child having a relationship with its parents but you cant have your cake and eat it - some people are that comfortable with their ex in the house but if it upsets the current partner it shouldnt happen, i dont think you're being unreasonable at all - im sure if the situation were reveresed she would not be so comfortable with your ex staying either.Regards xxx
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2009): Thanks GinaThe daughter does stay at his apartment sometimes and the mother does not have a problem with this. My partner can also stay with her parents if need be to leave them alone in the out of town apartment. My partner says there is more to do in the out of town apartment. I have no problem about them meeting all together or having lunch in the apartment togther etc, but staying overnight, I think could be avoided and should be?
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