A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I need URGENT advice here, Me and and my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years were due to view an apartment this evening which had been planned a few weeks ago. We were hoping to move into this apartment on 24th April, very soon. There has been a lot of planning and effort into this to make sure it's the right decision. My boyfriend's brother's girlfriend is about to give birth any day. My boyfriend's brother drives, but his car is getting fixed at the moment. I text my boyfriend to come up to my parent's house after work and we'll go to view the apartment as planned, and he text saying 'sorry love, have to take my brother, my mum and dad up to hopsital, my brother's girlfriend is being kept in...Am I wrong to be absolutely FURIOUS at this?? I am very, very close to his family, and am excited for the new arrival too- but really? What has it got to do with my boyfriend? He's such a pushover and I'm so angry that this is (to me) an equally important step in our lives, which has now been dropped. As i mentioned, this has been planned for months, I know for a fact his brother has SEVERAL other alternatives to get to the hospital. Am i being unreasonable?
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female
reader, aliyahnangelo  +, writes (31 March 2010):
 Being a little bit irritated would be understandable but being furious is over the top. U can always reschedule a time to look at the apartment. He wants to help out his brother in a time of need. If u think an apartment is a big step in your life just imagine what a big step his brother and wife are going through at this time. They are bringing a life into the world, I don't bllame ur bf for wanting to be a part of it or helping ur family to get there to be a part of it. It doesn't mean that the apartment isn't important to him. Ease up on the poor guy.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2010): I read your follow up where you stated that your boyfriend's brother's girlfriend was not having the twins, but was called into the hospital due to a problem.
Well, I am an aunt to twins and my sister was an older mother and a type 1 diabetic. So yes, having twins is a high risk pregnancy and her's was especially so. So the fact that he went with them or drove them to the hospital even though she wasn't actually in labor or due to deliver is not exactly accurate. Twins are often born early, they are often "taken" early do to complications, so there was a very real possibility that the twins could have been born in fact on that day.
The fact that the entire family loaded into the car to accompany her tells me that they were told that this in fact could be a possibility.
My family does not live in the same state as I do so I don't have the luxury or the obligation to be at every event that goes on in my family's life...and I probably wouldn't be quite that involved even if they did live here, but that's me and my family.
If you love your boyfriend you have to realize that he already has a family before you came along and the traditions and values and habits they have may not line up with yours and you may not agree with them and feel dissappointed with that realization.
If this is some kind of deal breaker for you then I think you better admit it to yourself.
It also really could be YOUR issue as you stated you had a miscarriage the day you found out these two were having the twins and you resented the fawning and attention that they gave her while you were dealing with your loss. I am sorry that you had a miscarriage and I am sure that was not lost on his family, I am sure that they did give you their sympathies and wanted to not let that cause them to ignore the happy news of the other couple.
My big question is, why is it that you girls are getting pregnant with these guys and wanting to start families with men who aren't married to you? Having a kid will not bind this man to you forever or make him want to marry you.
Moving in with him as a prerequisite to marriage will not make that happen either.
If what you really want is the happily ever after and you are Settling for manipulative tactics and living together arrangements then no wonder you are FURIOUS in all caps.
Every woman gets the love life she deserves. If you allow a man to have the benefits of a commited relationship without the legal and spiritual one, then you are letting go of your own heart's desires. You will have no one to blame but yourself when all this goes "titts up" as the Brits like to say.
Good luck to you, I hope you figure it out before it is too late.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (24 March 2010):
Yes, I think you're being unreasonable. Sure, you've had this planned for months, but his brother's girlfriend can't just hold in the baby because you planned to view some apartment. Viewing an apartment can be postponed. Regardless if his brother could have had alternative ways of transportation, your boyfriend is his family and that's what family does for one another.
On the other hand, I can see that you'd be frustrated if he's frequently a "pushover" as you say and maybe he bends over backwards for him family frequently; however, I don't necessarily see this as a bad quality. He's involved with his family and that's a good thing. But I definitely don't think this is anything that you should be furious over. It may be a little annoying just because this happened to occur on the same day that you were to view an apartment but you can always do that another day. Sorry, but viewing the apartment is not equally important as being with his brother while his child arrives.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (24 March 2010):
 I live in Canada and my brother and his fiance lives in Hong Kong. I am going there for their wedding and if they have a child I will go there again to see the baby. If you are close to him enough to live with him, you are considered part of his family and you should go see the baby too. It is reasonable for him to drive them to the hospital rather than having them take a taxi. In fact you should be happy that he's family oriented. Some day when you have your own child you are going to need to rely on your extended family for help. I hope you kept your feelings inside and not lashed out at him. It takes a few months to get an apartment but 9 months to make a baby. It's not that you are not important to him. But look at it this way, when it comes to matters that considers life and death, you can feel secure that your boyfriend would do anything to make you feel loved. He can look at the apartment later, but he can't deny his family members.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2010): This question has already been answered and you got many responses to it, so what are you looking for ....OK
Yeah, your boyfriend is a total douchebag to put his family first and have the maturity to want to show his brother how important a new life being born into his family this day was....dump him, he's a total loser.
And the fact that you are FURIOUS in all caps with this in no way indicates that you have a personality problem, no not you...you after all are a self entitled princess and he better not think for one moment that you are not in charge of this relationship, and you don't fear abandonment at ll by golly and that couldn't be the reason you are so furious,....it's all his Fault!
There, you can stop posting the same question how, happy?
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