A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for over one year and he loves and adores me and is very loyal.He has had many girlfriends before me, mostly lasting only 3 months. I feel comfortable with this except the one he had before he met me, which only lasted 3 months before she dumped him.He says he fell very hard for her and it hurt him a lot when she broke up with him and he tried to win her back.I can accept this except that my boyfriend has described this girlfriend's and his sexual experiences to me and she sounds like a total skanky tart. She also worked in a porn shop and had 'relationships' with couples.I feel sick to think that my boyfriend who I hold in high esteem would fall for this type of woman and enjoy the porno type sex he had with her. The sex we have is very loving and intimate and definately not porn style.My boyfriend expresses to me that our sex is much better and that I should not be insecure about it but I feel really uncomfortable with his past with this girl.Am I being silly? I have contemplated breaking up with him over this, even though everything else we have going for us is so good and we are in love.I find myself doubting his sincerity. Am I being too judgemental ?Help me please, I feel so confused.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2009): You've got the right to feel however the hell you want.
It is PC to tell you that you shouldn't care about his past. But you're not writing this for a term paper. You are trying to be happy in a relationship and this is real life. His past bothers you and maybe it should. That depends on you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2009): Emily makes a great point. This girl was over a year ago, we dont know how long because you dont even say how much time went by from the time she left him and until he got together with you.
As for her, you don't know her. Why would you even be interested in hearing what type of sex she and your boyfriend had?! Thats a field where no current gf should go. You do not know her, all you know is based on what your bf says, so instead of thinking she is a skank and thereby lowering your respect for your boyfriend, be realistic. You don't know her. She could be amazing. She could also be a skank. But YOU DONT KNOW. Also: love makes blind. He could very well have been absolutely in love with a skank, who hasn't ever fallen for the not-so-good-for-you person? I am sure you have a few you can't understand what you ever saw in them.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (19 December 2009):
Have you been exactly the same through your whole life? If he met you 5 years ago there is NO WAY that you would have been in a bad phase?
I am sure at some point you have experimented with something, or been through a bad phase, or rebelled as a teenager.
We've all been through different times.
Your boyfriend is the man he is now BECAUSE he's done good things and bad things and stupid things. He's learned from these experiences.
Either way, it's not like he can change it. He was stupid for telling you to be honest. It's never a good idea to drag up the past into current relationships.
Your best bet is to try and accept that he tried it out, didn't like it and picked you instead.
If he was into that kind of stuff he wouldn't be with you, he'd still be chasing her.
Good Luck!! xx
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