A
female
age
41-50,
*brokenhearted*
writes:im 31 years old i have been in love with my partner since i was 16 ( he was my first love but we only went out for a year then our lives went on different paths ) so after we broke up i was truly devastated and pined after him for many years ..... 13 years later after not seeing or hearing from each other at all we had no contact during those years, we met up again and got together we are now expecting our first child i love him so much but there are things that he does or says that really hurt me the frustrating part is that i dont think he even realises how hurtful they are and doesnt seem to think hes done anything wrong. i do know that he is faithful to me i have no doubts about that but he makes very sexual comments on other females pictures (on facebook)and in msgs to mutual female friends that really offend me normally im fairly tollerant and shrug off his very flirty nature as its just the way he is but a few of these coments have been of a very explicit sexual nature and when it comes to me i rarely get a simple compliment or talked to in that way at all or shown much affection and hes even said that hes not very attracted to me pregnant so we dont have sex very often either i feel maybe im partly to blame because im not as affectionate with him as i should be and have been in previous relationships but at the same time it feels difficult to be affectionate when im annoyed and sometimes really angry about these things he says to other women it feels hurtful that he can give these girls big heads and boost their self esteem but constantly complains about my self esteem that i feel is being lowered by this i know deep down that i look good im an attractive woman and slim and take fairly good care of myself and my appearance as i get plenty of attention from elsewhere ( that i ignore because i dont need it from anyone else i want that attention from him ) he says im being over the top and that i have no reason to be angry or upset because hes not actually cheating or going to see these people without me but thats not what im accusing him of im upset because the comments are innapropriate and hurtful to me, one of the comments was to an attractive young girl about her photo saying " oh what a tounge could do to that" and to a past friend that he slept with (long before we were together) "hey sexy ur looking really eatable these days" and msgs that call friends of ours babe and sexy when he doesnt even say that to me. am i just being a jelous or insecure girlfriend? or is he feeding my insecurities by not giving me any reasurance? hes very open about this stuff and admits to it and never tries to hide any of it. he never compliments me never says he loves me and never appologises for hurting me even if its not his intention to hurt the fact is it does and shouldnt he be sorry if i let him know that im hurting over this? like i said we have a baby on the way and im feeling even more emotional than usual and more vulnerable and it doesnt feel like hes being a very understanding or supportive boyfriend.
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broke up, facebook, flirt, insecure, self esteem Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (23 May 2010):
 Oh boy relationships are tricky old things. Here's my thoughts for you sweet. First I think he is being a bit of a shit with some of the things he is saying and I would be hurt by some of them too. In saying that though your pregnancy could be making you a bit over sensitive as all the extra hormones running around make your head a bit crazy.
Can you pick a moment where you are both calm and talk to him about your worries and thoughts. He may be completely unaware that he is hurting you so much.
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