A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:helpiv been dating dis guy for the last 6 months..i told him right in the beginning that i wanted to split everything 50/50. he seemed happy about it..but i realized now that i'm slowly ending up being the one that pays most of the bills...say for example if the bill is 115..ill pay 100 and he'll just throw in the remaining 15 bucks.or else if we are out while eating something. he'll say "u have cash to pay for this right?".even last week when we went to watch a movie and i was standing in the queue ready to pay cause he hadn't offered to pay yet??..he asks me "so this movie is your treat ??"" i just ended up smiling and saying ya ok. when really felt like choking him.although he does get me really good gifts for b-days and anniversariesam i being paranoid about money or is he just using me?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (26 May 2011):
 next time he asks "are you paying for this?" you smile sweetly and say "nope it's YOUR turn"
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2011): No OP, he's not using you, he's just taking a chance and you're paying for things of your own free will.
Next time you go out you say "your treat tonight honey?" or if he says it you say "no", "it's your turn now", or "I'm paying for myself only". Next time a bill comes in that's 115 you throw down 57.5.
Anon is right it is only money but if you want to live 50/50 which is fair then you can't say yes to everything he wants.
I don't think he's using you I'd say he just thinks you don't mind paying. If you have a job that pays more than his then that's most likely what he thinks.
If you want a 50/50 split then you have to act that way, not just say it OP. He's not making you pay for all this, he's not even emotionally blackmailing you to. He's just saying "jump" and you're saying "how high?" Next time he says "jump" you say "okay, then lets jump together"
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (26 May 2011):
 Don't hold it back. Just tell him "I want you to pay for your half" and if he asks if this is your treat, dont say YES!! He's only using you as long as you allow him to. It could be for various reasons, but yes, you're the one paying the bills, and gifts do not make up for it. He choses to spend whatever he can afford on a gift, but when you go out to eat, he should pay his half of it. Because YOU don't sign up for a deal where you pay for everything. You want it split 50/50. Personally, I say don't split it 50/50. Have each person pay for themselves. You pay for what YOU ate and drank, and he pays for what HE ate and drank. Otherwise he could just buy all the expensive things while you buy the cheap things, and you'd end up paying for his food.
Put your foot down. Say no, and ask him to pay for himself. You aren't his sugar mommy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2011): This is a difficult one. you have only been together a short time, and I understand your frustration, I'm going through the same thing. I'm not for this the man has to pay for all the dates in the beginning and I'm all for splitting the cheque but I'm like you, finding out I'm forking out for much more than i should do and feeling resentful. i think thats only natural especially early in a relationship when really you should both be trying at least to impress and respect each other.The main problem i have is that if they told us they can't afford thats fine but it often happens last minute and you're so surprised you say 'erm.. yeah ok!' The cinema example especially disturbs me. I think you might be right... he might be taking advantage or does not respect you enough. Call him on it! And if he looks shifty eyed and comes out with 'bull****' excuses dump him! You deserve so much more xxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2011): It is not right. He is accepting that you pay and you resent it. He is tight with money and no gentleman.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2011): Anniversaries?? You've been together 6 months????
Its just money.
Spending money on your boyfriend & doing stuff is normal. The fact it annoys you is ridiculous.
If you don't like paying majority shares then say something but I think it's really pathetic.
You wouldn't be moaning if he was paying majority shares.
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