A
male
age
30-35,
*3puremage1
writes:Do good guys get what they deserve?I don't really understand why girls at my age do not appreciate the things that good guys done for them and in my case she thinks I am obsessed with her. I love her but not obsessed with her. Sometimes is really hard to control the feelings I have towards her and every time I see her I remind myself that I have to control my feelings. I have been lying to her that I don't love her since this is the only option. She thinks I annoy her a lot despite the fact that I rarely talk to her and look a her. She never blame herself for betraying the trust I have put in her.I have done things that are quite stupid because of her but she doesn't know that. For example, I got into a school which only take in 5 people in sixth form and this year more than 300 talented students applying because it has 27% of Oxbridge admission hit rate. However, have chosen to go to a normal private school because I want to see her more. I know I am being very irrational but humans are emotional animals.Am I stupid? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (27 September 2011):
 You are obsessing over her. You dropped a great school which would have been good for YOU, to go somewhere else so you can get rejected even further by her. Why? Is that what's good for you?
You need to stop living your life after someone else and live your life for YOU. Last time you wrote about this we all advised you to go to the GOOD school, and to NOT follow her. Everyone can tell you she will not like you better in time, she does not like you now, and she will not like you in the future. A one sided love is not true love.
If you do not start to live for you, and make decisions that are good for you, and you alone, then you will end up regretting things in life. No one, NO ONE, is worth you giving up on YOUR goals and dreams for YOUR life. No one. Ok? Not her. Not anyone else. Stop sacrificing things. You shouldn't even sacrifice things for someone who truly loves you back, because if that someone loved you they'd encourage you to be all that you can be, and not limit you.
Get your life back on track now and see if you can't get to that good school after all, or look into prospects for the future. Make your life about YOU now.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (27 September 2011):
 "She never blame herself for betraying the trust I have put in her." She didn't ask you to put your trust in her, you decided to do that yourself.
Based on your past posts, you ARE obsessed with her. You've made all sorts of life decisions based on a girl who does NOT reciprocate your feelings. You keep posting about her, I expect because you are trying to come to terms with her utter rejection of you as a romantic interest.
We are all rejected at one time or another in our lives; it's part of growing up. It's not nice, it's not pleasant, it hurts like the dickens when it happens. But a healthy person picks himself up, dusts himself off and moves on.
You have internalized this in an unhealthy way and you are making critical, key life decisions based on your feelings for a girl who simply doesn't like you in that way. This is not a good strategy for getting her interested in you.
A much better strategy would be to go to the school that is the best fit for you, do as well as you possibly can, get yourself into the next school (be it at an Oxbridge college or not) and show her you have the stuff to make a real life and career for yourself. It is VASTLY more interesting to a girl, to say "my friend who is in honors at (insert amazing college at Oxford or Cambridge name here) and a brilliant career ahead for himself" than "this poor sap who threw away his chance to go to a great school so he basically stalk me, ugh."
You really and truly need to talk to a counselor or therapist about this unhealthy and irrational obsession which appears to be running your life. It's just not smart, to KNOW you have a problem and do nothing but blame her for not liking you back in the same way. You are playing "Romeo and Juliet" in a theatre with no one but yourself in the cast, throwing away what could be the best years of your life!
Get the help you so obviously need. THAT would be the smart thing to do.
If you don't, yes, you are being stupid.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2011): Personally I don't think this is a matter of "you get what you deserve." I think this is a matter of her not liking you at all for whatever reason. She thinks your annoying and doesn't want to spend time with you, and doesn't want you saying you love her. That's not a hint. That's a fact. She's not into you. I'm sorry to say it but you should move on from her.
I think it was a poor move to not take that big oportunity that you were offered because of her. You are young and need to get out in the world. There are so many other girls out there who will like you for who you are, and be respectful. I don't think you were stupid, just using poor judgement.
Also, at 16-17 a lot of girls can be pretty catty and immature. Most grow out of it, some never do. But trust me, there is no use in giving up your future over a girl who isn't even interested. :(
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