A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone, I really need help with my b/f of 19 months. I'm seperated and waiting on divorce nearly 5 years now, my ex is holding things up constantly, so it stresses me out cos I can't state what I want as I feel I have no right to ask. I love my b/f to bits and know that he loves me too. I didn't have a lot of experience with men or have successful relationships either male or female and he's been great and has tons of patience with me. I'm fiery by nature and blunt at times so most of this stuff was my own doing also I'm empathic which doesn't help a lot. About a year ago I stated that if our relationship wasn't going anywhere that I would break up with him and he was devastated and in time I realised my words had hurt him deeply. I apologised for my tactlessness. It wasn't my intention to say it the way I did, we got over that and our love grew stronger. I rent a house on the same street and he pops in every morning and evening to see me and my son for a cuppa, I hate the house I'm in cos it's cold and costs me too much to keep it warm, half of the stuff in it doesn't work. An opportunity came up to rent another more ideal house and works out cheaper. My b/f said we would move in together maybe in spring his biggest holdback is my son who is on the autism spectrum and that makes him difficult to handle. I can understand it to some extent but I think he's being selfish and wants to have his cake and eat it too. We've both come from long term relationships and have both been hurt from alcoholic exs so we have deep understanding of our situations. Am I pushing for too much? Should I continue to be independent of him as he likes to pay for a lot of stuff for me and is generous bringing me away on weekends. I'm confused and doubting myself a lot lately. he stays in my place friday and saturday every other weekend as my son spends time with his dad, i've sorted out that my son is safe with him cos his aunties keep an eye on him while he's with him. I have 1 brother who minds him an odd weekend if I'm stuck otherwise my family don't want to know. My b/f has taken time with my son. I'm feeling abandoned and worried I might break it off with him cos I'm losing patience, and maybe bullying him into a decision and I don't want that either. I've asked my b/f to spend a third night every week and he did for a while but that went by the wayside. I'm not aggressive in any way just not sure how to ask for what I want. The house is short distance away and no inconvenience to see each other. Am I being greedy? What should i do?
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female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (3 December 2008):
You're not very clear here. Are you saying you want him to decide right now whether he'll move in and set a date to do it?
As far as I can tell, you are going to move to this house anyway, and your new boyfriend just isn't sure whether to move in with you or stay at home.
So his indecision doesn't really affect you.
Move into the house and chill out a bit. Your boyfriend will probably move in but you don't need him to decide that yet so why worry so much.
If he still hasn't made his mind up by easter then you will have something to worry about.
Good Luck!! xx
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