A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I need your help, I cheated on my boyfriend and I can't get over the guilt. I love him soo much I just can't tell him anything because he will leave me forever. The guy I was with told me he will never say what happen to no one and he never did things so I can think otherwise he always respected my decisions. Now I feel scared loosing my boyfriend. I feel deppresed and guilty I have nobody to talk to and I need advise. In the other hand I thought cheating wasn't a problem when I was doing it bacause I said I need to enjoy and do things because once I'm married I dnt wanna go through this I dnt wanna cheat like lots of married couples do now in days. What you guys think I should do. I have lost lots of pounds sometimes I wake up feeling good and sometimes felling down. I never wanna go thru this ever in my life its a really bad feeling and I dnt wish it to nobody. I know for a fact I will never do this again. Please help me out thank you
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2010): This is the problem with the human race in general--we expect to do whatever we want, good or bad, but we dont' want to suffer the bad consequences of our actions. Well guess what? That is just the way REALITY is. Every choice you make in this life has an outcome. When you cheated on your boyfriend you knew what you were doing was wrong, but you didn't care at the time for whatever reason, now you are all depressed and gulity about your actions....I wouldn't be suprised if you start accusing your boyfriend of cheating and questioning his every mood--this is the type of behavior occurs when people are gulity of cheating--they start being jealous of their partner and accusing them of cheating as well. Even if you don't tell him, he will find out and at that point you will reap what you have sowed. I have found that most people that cheat almost ALWAYS cheat again. You maybe depressed and feeling guilty right now, but whos to say if the chance came around again that you wouldn't cheat again? I don't think I could ever trust a person who cheated on me, so most likely I would probably end the relationship regardless of how hard it was to let go.
A
male
reader, Faded Shadow  +, writes (6 May 2010):
Mam,You need to tell him, it's simple as that, it doesn't have to be all at once. Piece it together if you wish but you have to tell him. Show him it was a mistake, show him your sorry, and prove to him you wont do it again. Treat him the same however DO NOT treat him better then you used to, he'll expect it all the time then. He may not trust you for a while or maybe he'll never give you his full trust again. That sounds bad, thats true, but you need to tell him to get it off your chest and deal with your problem, communication is one of the MOST important things in a relationship. If he loves you like he should he'll talk it out with you. You have to take the risk if he leaves then he most likely was not mature enough to deal with it yet or wasn't the right one for you. If you keep it inside and don't tell him, it will eat you up, you'll feel worse and worse and a person can only take so much. Don't push your self were you might do something rash. Another thing if you say nothing it could become a serious blackmail problem with the guy you cheated with. He may use it for more sex or just use it cause he's angry with you or anything. Don't put your self in that situation. I can testify all of this from experience and from the consequences I my self once suffered. This is just my advice I would not advise taking this as a serious guideline. I hope you are able to resolve this problem.Best Regards,Shadow
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2010): Stop beating yourself up. You know you have made a mistake, You need to think about why you did it. If your not ready for this relationship then talk to your partner and end it. If it was just a really stupid mistake and you will never do it again, try to put it behind you and move on, focus on being a better persona nd girlfriend.You said you did this becasue you dont want to do it when your married. THe problem with this statement is that if you are doing it now there is a good chance you will do it when you are married, so think about things. Is your BF really the one you want to be with or is it that at the moment you love him and think that he is? These are hard questions to answer, but take your time and be kind to yourself we are all human we all make mistakes. As long as you learn from your mistakes you will be ok.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (6 May 2010):
 Guilt is like the seat belt of the soul. How do you unload this toxic residue of your wrongdoing without telling and hurting your husband? You can try therapy. You can try meditating. Release your energy to the universe. Breathe in healing energy and breathe out negative ones. Time does heal. Transform your energy into being extra kind to your husband. I am not saying you need punishment but let your penance be developing patience and sensitivity to living with a man. It means not snapping back when he starts an argument. It means being more tolerating if he doesn't clean up after himself. It means waiting for him patiently when he does not call you or text you enough. It means giving him space and freedom to hang out with friends or play sports. I believe it's unecessary to tell him not because so you can get away with it but because it's not proactive and it doesn't do anything good. You can resolve this problem yourself. Your experience could actually be a blessing in disguise.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2010): hey well it seems youve learned your lesson and thats what relationships are. all you can do is make better choices in the future and be goood to your boyfriend.dont tell him until you really have too....and if your feeling tied down in ur relationship maybe you should be honest with urself and take a break with him...you cant have you cake and eat it too
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2010): =( I'm sorry hun but there aren't a whole lot of choices u can make now...it's either you tell him or you don't tell him. Some guys can be perceptive enough to know that something is up since you have all this "guilt" inside of you. Or maybe he just doesn't notice...I can't say. If you do tell him, I assure you there will be a lot of pain to suffer both on your part and especially his. Even if he doesn't leave you, he will have to learn to trust you again. Some would say that he deserves to hear the truth, and I also think that is true. Also I am sure u wouldn't want him to find out about it from someone else. If you didn't feel this strongly about your bf before you cheated, then I think you need to come clean and tell him...I think he deserves that much.You sound like you will never do it again so ... I hope he doesn't leave u. Good luck and all the best
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