A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi im wondering what to do with myself. My bf and I ended an 9 year relationship and I moved towns. Even though he cheated on me none of our mutual friends speak to me any more and im very lonely because I no longer have any friends.I try and make new friends for gods sake its been nearly 2 years now but my heart just isn't in it and my new friendships slip away. I feel like there is no point trying to get close to people because they cant be trusted anyway. My old friends and I were almost inseperable for years....then NOTHING. If they can do this to me then what hope do I have?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2009): I know exactly how u feel.. im going through the exact same thing almost too. i was in a realationship for almost 9 years and my gf broke up with me at the lowest point of my life. i lost my job,car,house,girlfreind, and most of all my happyness ;/. we where together since early HS she was 14 and i was 16, now i just turned 25 july 12 and nobody is there.. she broke up with me 6 months ago and it is only gettin worse. i breakdown every night and sometimes thoughout the day.i try to forget about her and move on but its very hard when you have a 4 year old beautiful daughter together. her birthday was less then a month ago and its tearing me apart missing every holliday we used to spend together since most my teen and adult life. i am extremely depressed, lost and just plain unhappy and that is not me..ive always been a very happy go lucky guy that loved to have a good time and all i can think about is her lookin at me so in love with me once and us drinkin together and just enjoying every second of life with each other and now that is all gone and i still have to deal with her alot cuz of our child. ive lost many of freinds that all took her side and im almost posative that they encourage her to stay away from me.. im a good guy and would do or help anyone with anything and life just doesnt seem to be fair right now. not even two weeks after she broke up with me she had a new boyfriend already and of course i find out thought he grapevine all the stuff shes done with him and it crused me. i think to myself "HOW COULD SHE", it just seems so heartless and cold. every aspect of my life is fallin apart and i cant seem to get back on trak and be happy with myself. im so hard on myself with my looks,financial situation, and just everything all together. so i say who the hell wants to be with someone like me in my positon. i could care less about finding another girl right now cuz she was the one i loved and wanted to spend the rest of my life with and all the other girls dont mean anything to me.i am considering moveing away to florida cuz i just visited it there cuz a freind i had lived there and i loved it. went to miami, orlando, cocoa beach and all kinda places and for once i felt well SOMEWHAT.. happy. im highly considering moving there cuz it seems like a golden oppertunity that ive always dreamed of living by the beach but my daughter is still gonna be here and i love her more then anything in the world and dont know how that would work cuz i would have to see her at least a week outa the month and when if and when i start work down there it will be hard to get time off that much and when she is in daycare and i cant keep takin her from that. i duno what to do in mylife right now i am so lost.... sorry for the long story but i just had to get it off my chest cuz the mizzery and lonleyness is draining me. i hope u can find what ur lookin for in life cuz no one should feel the way we do.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2009): Wow, I'm dealing with a similar situation, except it was my first boyfriend and we only dated a year, though we're trying to work it out right now. Except for my so called best friend totally ditched me, and all the other friends in my group as well. People who say "get over it!" are clearly not sympathetic to your plight, and you've been having a hard time dealing with this as it's been 2 years. I would find a therapist that works for you, find an activity you can do AND meet other people, and lean on the support that you have b/c there are probably a few people sticking around that support you, family or old friends etc. Above all else, don't give up on yourself. It's tempting and easy to say I just quit trying, but that ultimately won't make you feel better. You will find people who are true blue, they do exist ^_^ I'm in the process of trying to find some more supportive friends myself. I would suggest that if you're at all religious maybe attending a service regularly would at least give you something to do or focus on that's a positive influence. In the end, you know what you enjoy best to do, maybe you had an activity you used to do but quit when you got older, try rekindling your love of that! Being sad is okay, but when it lasts this long you sometimes need a bit of a push so honestly, the therapy would probably be the best help. But don't settle if you don't click with the first therapist. Good luck and I hope we'll both make it through this happier on the other side!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2009): Sounds like you really got hurt. You need to make peace with yourself before you can develop new friendships.A great resource is http://healthlifeandstuff.com/2009/07/24-ways-to-make-friends-improve-relationships/which can give you some ideas.I hope you make some progress and feel better!Best,David
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2009): People come into your life for different reasons, it's a fact that some friendships last and others don't. You are probably being hard on yourself, expecting that you can go back to a time when you had certain friendships and were a certain girl. After 9 yrs with your man - and having gone through both good and bad experiences, you are a different person. You have obviously experienced great pain around the cheating and break-up and this has taken a toll on how you view other people and the world in general. You probably no longer know who you are either - and are having to rediscover yourself. Don't give up yet. First step - learn to like yourself again - stop worrying about pushing yourself to be out there. little miss I'm fun and I'm fine - do things you want to do - get into a happier place...from there other things including new friendships will grow.As for your old friends - who have ditched you - it;s a shame but chances are your friendships couldn't be the same - they were wrapped up in your relationship and you would always have had that 'factor' to deal with - so accept that they were good friends for a certain phase of your life - and let them go now. Have you considered talking to a therapist? I suspect you need a safe, neutral person to talk to and to explore the views you now have about certain things, trust issues etc.
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A
female
reader, laura585  +, writes (10 July 2009):
If you really want friends you have to try harder. Your not a school girl- when it was easy: "do you wanna be my friend?" "yes!" bam! best friends lol- if you dont feel like it's "worth it" then you are not trying hard enough. No one is going to make you be their friend, if you arent putting enough into the relationship then it WILL slip away- they can't do all the work. Try harder- no one is going to make friends for you- its your responsibility- what are you gonna do about it?
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A
female
reader, thatgothgirl20 +, writes (10 July 2009):
 Maybe you are just not ready to have friends again yet. You say that your friendships slip away but that you feel there is no point in trying, well there you go! They are slipping away because you are not putting your all into them? Learn to trust people again, or sit there being lonely. Of course this process of learning to trust again will take time, but it is worth it.
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