A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:MOD NOTE: 3 posts combined: Okay So I use to spend every day with my boyfriend because we go to different schools so we don't see each other much. But it seems like now he only wants to hang every couple days. And it just makes me so mad that he doesn't want to spend time together anymore. And I talk to him about it and it only makes him mad. I don't want to come off as clingy and needed. I don't want to start a fight either. What should I do2nd question: I love my boyfriend of 8 months but lately it seems all we can do is argue and argue. About just stupid little things. We love each other but I can't take the fighting we talk about it and all we do is decided to give it another shot time after time. But its only getting worse, and I don't know what to do now. 3rd question: My boyfriend is also hanging out with large groups of people when Im not with him. And there is nothing wrong with that, besides the fact that there is also lots of girls there and alcohol. I trust him but you never know what could happen. How should I approach the situation without making him think I don't trust him. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2010): Question 1: You seem to be mad because he is not under your feet everyday. He comes around every couple of days which is healthy. As humans at times we want to see other friends and people. ~It can be rather unhealthy to be with one person everyday. You say you dont want to come over as clingy and needy...guess what??!!!.....you're coming over as needy, clingy and controlling!
Question 2: Just because you love your bf that doesn't mean that you wont disagree or argue. But it depends on what you are calling 'stupid little things' because if these are causing you to argue then they may not be seen as 'stupid little things' to your bf. If it is your needy, controlling and clingy behaviour that causes arguments then that is stupid or silly. He clearly feels controlled or restricted by your behaviour.
Question 3: Just because you are in a relationship you cannot tell your bf who to hang out with. His life is his to live and his mistakes are his to make. You mentioned that there are other girls in this group but also claim to 'trust' him but you don't really, otherwise you wouldn't have written this question. If there were just boys in these groups and you were present then i feel you would feel much better but you are not there and your controlling behaviour comes to the surface. Your need to keep your perspective clearly in its place...your are his gf by choice, you do not own him, he is not your possession to control. If you keep up this type of behaviour you will surely become his ex-girlfriend!
Your bf will be peed off with your telling him what to do or who he should see. Your problem doesn't lie with him,it lies within yourself because if he is not doing what you want or like then your not happy. You need to look at yourself and why you are so needy, clingy and controlling.
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